A Whirlwind of Fancy Flattery

7/15/2011 The Lady 5 Comments

Yesterday evening, The Bluestocking and I went to the Creamery on campus for some ice cream to celebrate, you know, Thursday. There were not many people there, as most students had gone home for the day, but the boy who was manning the Creamery counter did, to say the least, make our day. The only other employee working was serving us multiple samples of Coconut Joy and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough while the boy was in the back blabbering about how much he loved the song by Cake that was currently playing {Short Skirt Long Jacket} and about how much he hates that all BYU girls only listen to Taylor Swift. Truly a tragedy. Then he began to flatter the Bluestocking and I. "Oh, I love your shirt!" "Ooh, that's a great headband!" We chatted for a bit. "Where are you from? What are your majors?" The usual. As we were leaving, he called out to us, "Goodbye my ice cream shop sweethearts! I love you!" We would have felt exceptionally special if he hadn't said the same thing to the girl in line before us and hadn't proposed marriage to another girl passing by. However, we still felt particularly special even though we were only two among many he had complimented/proposed to that day. What a sweetie pie. You know, if you like that sort of thing, being flattered by a cute boy who is simultaneously giving you ice cream. You can bet I'll be back for regular doses of ice cream topped with a healthy amount of flattery.

And now for a special treat. {No, not flattery slathered ice cream.}

We received an email from a self-proclaimed Mr. Darcy this morning {or last night, I don't remember which}. It is intriguing. He is intriguing. Thus is what was written to us:

Dearest Anti Austens,

It is my deepest and most sincere condolences regarding your failed relationships. To your self-proclamation regarding Austen's work being fiction I say, of course life is not a Jane Austen novel. There is no possible way that God would allow life to be that boring or painful to read. However, to your blog I say wonderful! a masterpiece! pure brilliance! You women without knowing have managed to capture the attitudes of women that I have never before known. Your blogs are beautiful and reflect the embittered opinions of women who have managed to endure the trials and tribulations of going on dates with men you don’t like and places you don’t want to go. I am in love with all or a great portion of you girls.

After reading your stories I have decided that I would love to go on a date with at least one of the Anti-Austen's. What can I say I am a romantic and the setting for this love story is unparalleled by anything Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, or Spike Lee have ever concocted. Think about it, a blogger disillusioned by years of crappy dates encounters another blogger made cynical and sarcastic by the hundreds of dollars lost on dates that ended in a handshake at the door or a dodge of a kiss, the two fall madly in love. The two read each other’s blogs. A fight over the couples imperfections then occur and the two go back to the bitter bloggers that they once were. However, after further investigation and the encouragement of either her gay best friend or her matronly and large black best friend (both of which tend to provide the comic relief in these sorts of films), the Anti-Austen realizes that she has made a mistake and proclaims her love for me on the blog which has just been picked up by the New York Times. Thus the anti-Austen ruins her chances of becoming a world famous blogger, but restoring the love that she once had with me.
I would invite you to think it over. Decide amongst yourselves. I understand that you are worried to reveal your true identity to the world, but I promise that my lips are sealed. You don’t even need to tell me your name I just would love a date. Next Tuesday evening I will be at The Chocolate in Orem (considering that you are well educated women with a sense of style and taste in elegant things, I assume you will know where that is). I will have my Pride and Prejudice handy and will be sitting on the sofa in the front room. If you wish to join I would be much obliged. However, if you do not I completely understand and suppose I will enjoy a nice evening with Ms. Bennet.
With all the sincerity that I can muster,
Mr. Darcy

Dear Mr. Self-Proclaimed Darcy,

We are flattered. {I have used the word "flattered" way too many times within this one post , but I don't feel as though there is any other synonym that is adequate enough}. We're absolutely tickled. Figuratively speaking of course.

We {The Anti-Austens} have the spent the morning debating. We took a gander at your blog, we did our best to find you on Facebook, and we are almost certain that you are not a rapist/general creeper. So yes, Mr. Self-Proclaimed Darcy, one of us {The Anti-Austens} will meet you at The Chocolate on Tuesday evening. We are not disclosing as to which of us will be meeting you. When you meet one of us, we may not even tell you our real name. A great deal of trust is being placed upon this endeavor, and so we hope against all hope that our assumptions about your trustworthiness are correct. As to whether you and one of us become star-crossed {blog-crossed?} lovers remains to be seen.

Until You Meet One of Us,

The Coquette

P.S. Readers, if one of us goes missing after Tuesday, you know what happened.

5 comments:

Anjelica said...

This idea is darling! Congrats to you Mr. Darcy for being bold enough to put yourself out there. And way to go ladies on your creeping skills, love it. This will be very exciting!
One question: Can we, the readers get a link to Mr. Darcy's blog?
Good luck to Tuesday's meeting!

July 15, 2011 at 7:56 PM