How to Be Charming, Part 2

7/17/2011 The Charmer 2 Comments

I'm posting today since I'm going to be gone this whole next week. So you won't hear any updates on my love life for a few days...but since I'm going to be hanging out with teenage girls all week, I don't think that there will be anything to report.

Anyways, I promised that I'd give you ladies a few of my own tips on what I think will help you win over men. (And please, gentlemen, feel free to give your own advice or to comment on what I say. I'd be very interested to hear what you have to say!)

First off, my Roommate mentioned that I dress well.
You might have been surprised that this was one of her tips.
The first time that a guy told me that one of the reasons he had asked me out was because he thought I dressed well, it surprised me too.
But, believe it or not, guys do notice. Sometimes I ask boys why they decided to ask me out. And time and time again, I've been told that one of the reasons is because I dress well or because I always look put together.
I want you to keep in mind that I am by no means model material. I don't have long, luscious hair and the perfect body. I'm not ethnic-looking, I'm not very tan, and I don't think there's anything particularly eye-catching about me. In fact, if you were to see me pass by on the street, you would probably never think that I could be The Charmer. Sure, I think I'm cute (and I'd call myself pretty on a good day). But I'm definitely not drop-dead gorgeous or anything like that.
So girls...you can't change what genes your parents gave you, but that doesn't really matter because you can still make the effort to look put together!
And the guys will notice. ;)

Secondly, my roommate mentioned that I was confident and comfortable around boys.
I definitely wasn't always confident around boys.
But the more time I've spent around boys, the more comfortable I've become around them.
So, start spending time with boys!
It doesn't matter if you're particularly interested in them. Just invite some boys from your ward over and feed them brownies. Seriously, though...get yourself a few good guy friends and hang out with them. You'll start to figure out how to act around them, and that's the first step to feeling confident.

Thirdly, I'm adaptable.
I love trying to understand other people. Because of this, I've watched people my whole life.
And so I've figured out exactly how to act around certain types of people--I can often tell just from meeting someone if they're going to be a person who likes to listen, likes to talk, likes to act crazy, likes to be quiet, etc. This way, I can kind of gauge when I need to tone down my craziness or when I need to step it up a notch. I have a little better idea of whether or not I should talk a lot or let them do the talking. Again, this comes from spending time with lots of different people. Start reaching out of your comfort zone and getting to know people you wouldn't usually spend time with--you'll learn a lot about them but you'll also learn a lot about relating to people in general.

Fourthly, I'm versatile.
And by "versatile," I just mean that I do a lot of different things. Thus, I have a lot of different things to talk about. If a boy likes sports, I can talk sports (kind of...haha), if he likes music I can talk music, if he likes dancing I can talk dancing. I know movies, I know books, I know art. I even know philosophy. I don't really know cars...but eh, whatever.
If you're a very specialized person (e.g. you only do music), try looking into something new. Broaden your horizons a little bit, and it can really pay off.

Finally, I'm flirty.
I'm not one of those girls who are over-the-top flirty. My flirting is fairly subtle as far as flirting goes. I usually don't flirt with boys when we're in big groups; I usually flirt when we're one-on-one.
It's been mentioned on this blog again and again, but elbow grabbing (or any little touches for that matter) are your #1 best friend when it comes to flirting. (I've never grabbed a boy's elbow, just for the record. But I do touch knees.)
Eye contact is your other #1 best friend. People have done studies on eye contact, and they've found that merely staring into each other's eyes can create feelings of attraction, even in strangers. So look into his eyes. Do it.
I joke around with guys a lot. I exchange many texts filled to the brim with flirty banter.
I also laugh a lot...especially around boys. Act like you're having a good time, and they're much more likely to feel the same way.

Well, that was a long post full of (hopefully useful) information. Like I said before, I wish I had a formula to give you that would help you win over any man you wanted. But I don't.
However, I will keep musing on the subject and will continue to update you with any advice I think of....

Cheerio,
The Charmer

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2 comments:

New male reader, here!

Dress Well
Believe it or not, we do notice. Especially on a campus where dress standards are a big issue and contradict societal views on many levels. I'm impressed by a girl who can dress well under such circumstances.

Flirty
Now there's something we enjoy, especially in one-on-one situations. We love having your attention. We love the flirty little exchanges. I'd even venture to say flirtatiousness is one of my favorite qualities in a woman.

Also, you're right when you say that the eye stare and the "elbow grab" are your best friends (the knee and shoulder are just as effective).

Note: Use caution when dealing with recently returned missionaries. Results may vary (and may also be hilarious).

~Cato

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