How NOT to Impress a Girl

5/14/2011 The Charmer 4 Comments

Last week I mentioned that I had 2 dates on Thursday. They went pretty well. The guys were both nice, we made good conversation, and I laughed a lot. In other words...they did most things right.
That same week, I also had another date on Saturday with a guy who, unfortunately, just did a lot of things wrong,
I mean, the kid is trying. He is. But I think he might have missed a few lectures in his "Dating 101" class.

First off, a little background. This guy was in one of my classes 2 years ago. He added me on Facebook at the time, but I really haven't talked to him since then.
Anyways, he pops up on Facebook chat a week or so ago and asks how I'm doing, what I've been up to, etc, then asks if he could get my number so that we could go out to lunch or dinner sometime. From what I remembered, he was a pretty nice guy. I wouldn't mind going out with him. So, I gave him my number.

Now, when I give a boy my number, it means I'm giving him permission to call me up or text me. Usually, guys are pretty conscientious. They realize that by giving them my number, I'm trusting that they're not going to text me every second of every day. Because even though today's technology makes it really easy to talk to people whenever you want about whatever you want, most people realize that common courtesy dictates that you shouldn't.

Not this guy.

He starts texting me all the time, and not normal things like "Hey, what are you up to?" or "I swear I just passed you on campus." He starts texting me weird questions, like "If you were half animal, what would you be?" and "If you were in Duck Tales would you rather have a duck bill or a dog nose and why?" and even "Which finger is longer, your index finger or your ring finger?"

Excuse me?

I understand that making conversation isn't a skill that comes quite as easily for some people. But...really?!

Anyways, I'll just sum up some of his other errors.

How NOT to Impress a Girl
1. Text her incessantly with strange questions and even stranger responses to her replies.
2. Pop out of your house when she's walking home from school and "make the discovery" that the two of you are practically next-door neighbors! (It was a little on the creeperish side, not gonna lie, since I have a feeling that it might have been a discovery for only one of us)
3. Show up to take her on a date and ask if she's okay with walking since you don't have a car. (Now, this actually didn't really bother me...it was a nice day, and I like walking with people. But it's still a little presumptuous to assume a girl will be okay with walking a half hour to get to dinner on your first date with her.)
4. Keep making little comments along the lines of, "Because you have personality characteristic a and I have personality characteristic b, we'd probably be a really good match." Or even better, "Since your index finger is longer than your ring finger and mine are the opposite, it means that we're really compatible."
5. Talk about how you feel "protective" of the girl because other guys keep looking at her.
6. Let her know that she's always welcome to stop by anytime since you'll probably just be sitting around playing Rock Band.
7. Text her a week later and ask, "Do you give massages?"

That last one just kills me. I got that text today and I promptly decided that this boy was definitely worthy of his own blog post.
Do I give massages? For you, Mr. NextDoor, the answer is no.

Cheerio,
The Charmer