The Lady and a boy named Dex: Standing upon ceremony.

5/25/2012 The Lady 10 Comments

Once upon a time, The Lady fell in love. Honest to goodness love. This is the story of her journey in and out of it and back into it again.With the approaching spring, I became agitated and fitful. Spring meant change, a new beginning, an anticipated ending. Dex was graduating. Not yet a doctor, but well on his way. Even though Dex was still planning on a mission, we had promised each other that once the semester ended and he had graduated, we would begin dating again. However, with all that had happened, I could not be certain that the promise still stood. I had no idea what I could expect from him. His forgiveness did not necessarily mean that everything was magically resolved and we would be together again. For all I knew, our understanding was null and void. But at that point, all I wanted was to know. Whether it was yes or no. It did not matter what the answer was as long as I got one; I would deal with the effects later.

The air was heavy that night as though it knew what would unfold. My sister and I went to Dex's graduation together. I watched the whole ordeal with trepidation. By the end of the ceremony I had lost my nerve. I would not go up to him. I remained at a far-off distance while my sister and Dex's family and friends surrounded him and peppered him with congratulations. I couldn't force my limbs to move in his direction. We don't have to hash things out tonight. Oh, but it would have been so much easier if he would come to me.

I could see Dex bend his lanky frame to communicate in whispers with my sister. He turned his head in my direction and then began to sprint towards me. He dodged families and other graduates, his cap in hand and his graduation gown flapping. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was running to me. I wanted to erupt into a cacophony of emotions, and I still couldn't move. I don't know whether my face looked petrified or gleeful. But before Dex could catch me up in one of his body-engulfing hugs, I was caught up into a much less welcome embrace from his best friend, Lucy, who had (only Heaven knows why) run to me with Dex. {A summary of my emotions at that moment: ?????????????????!!!!??!?!!?!!??????????!!!!!!!!!?!!!!????........} Lucy stepped aside and allowed Dex to give me the hug I had been anticipating for oh, five months. My thoughts were jumbled: Why is Lucy here? Dex looks great. I'm so proud of him. What does Lucy think she is doing? She knows perfectly well that this is the sort of moment that does not include the best friend. Why won't she go away?! Dex is perfect. Surely this is a good sign, that he ran to me. A man does not run to someone if he doesn't care about them. Why is she still standing here?
With Lucy beaming at us as though she was the one to instigate this long-awaited moment, Dex asked how I was. I stammered out a short reply. I didn't have words. "Well, I would love to stay and talk, but I've got a bunch of family stuff going on, so I'll see you later," Dex said. I lifted my hand in a half-hearted goodbye. Lucy moved closer to my side and watched Dex retreat. We were silent for a few moments, and naturally Lucy was the one to break the silence, "You know you're not going to marry him right?" As though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Was this the truth? She was his best friend, and she had been a friend to me, what would she benefit from lying? But it could not be the truth. He ran to me. In front of hundreds of people, his family, his friends. It couldn't be true. Could it? Lucy didn't say another word and followed after Dex. I stood there in shock. My sister came to collect me, and just let me cry and cry and cry and cry some more. 

The days and weeks following were a blur, I don't even know if I lived them. Dex and I never said anything to each other that wasn't due to maintain common courtesy, but we said little else. Our relationship just disintegrated. For the next year before Dex left for his mission, I hated him. I couldn't wait for him to leave. He was unbearable and childish. Anytime I was forced to socialize with him and Lucy, I wanted to strangle them both. Or myself. Cordiality had turned so far into bitterness {on both our parts} that by the time he left on his mission it was good riddance.

That's something that most people don't understand. We did not part well. Dex's attitude towards me bordered rudeness. Most people feel that because we were in love once, all can be mended, but most of the time I don't feel that way. I still feel that Dex is angry with me, that I am nothing but a hated memory of his. There is no logical reason for me to believe that we would ever be friends again let alone husband and wife. There is no reason. There is no way. But oh, how I wish that there was. Because despite being angry and attempting to push his memory away for so long, I am still in love with him. But I have no hope that the case would ever be the same for him. It is impossible.

But I will be forced to see him soon.

Con Amor,
The Lady

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Anonymous said...

Yeah I was going to point that ^ out too.

But also...I don't at all like this Lucy. There's something sketchy there. Does she have feelings for him?

Anonymous said...

Lucy. Definitely sketchy. Why on earth would she say that? At that moment? I'm not a fan....At all.

I'm wondering if his behavior toward you was in protection of himself. He'd loved you before and gotten hurt and maybe thought that by pushing you away, he could avoid further hurt. ?? What was you're communication like while he was on his mission? Is he still friends with your sister? Maybe she knows something.

Where is Lucy now?

Anonymous said...

Lucy= Miss Bingley= The Devil

Anonymous said...

Devil's Advocate: Are you in love with who he is now or what you used to have? I am so curious to see what happens when you do meet up. I hope Lucy isn't there.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Lucy is retarded! Why would a friend say something like that?! Anyway, even though you say you will be forced to see him soon, after everything that happened in the past, I hope it goes well. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I hope you find it...perhaps with Dex.

Sarah said...

I am tempted to agree with the anonymouses that Lucy sounds a bit suspicious...maybe jealous?

But, you should give Dex a chance. Maybe try to explain yourself. Have you written to him at all on your mission?

Sarah said...

*his mission

Anonymous said...

aaaawe. :( reading this just makes my heart ache. definitely teared up with this post. Lady, you tender soul! i hope you get to fall (and stay) into honest to goodness love again, whether or not it's with Dex. you deserve it! also, you're such a phenomenal writer. i hope you're working on some novels, cause they'd be best sellers fo sho.

Pascal said...

I think you need to talk to him. Whether or not anything ever comes of your relationship, if you're like me, you don't want to have to live with the what if of the unknown. People are complicated, motives are obscure. So many chances get missed because of miscommunication. Stop trying to guess at how he feels and why he did what he did and go find out.