"I have not the pleasure of understanding you"

5/06/2012 The Blue Stocking 7 Comments

I haven’t posted in a while; simply because it’s all too depressing.

It’s too depressing to say out loud. To say that I have been waiting for months for Bingley to do something: to be something.

I mean it’s not like I’ve been with him since January. It’s not like we’ve been going on dates for months...

Oh, wait. That’s exactly what’s been going on. And yet, he ignores me. He actually goes out of his way not to talk to me in social situations. And then just as suddenly, he will; and all will be right; we’ll go on a date, and then he’ll ignore me once again.

Do you know what this makes me? Pathetic.

I spent the past two weeks basking in my pathetic state, analyzing why exactly I’m here.

It’s all boiled down to one thing: hope.

I don’t want to lose hope.

Hope that I’ve found a wonderful guy who wants to be with me. Hope that i’ve found my last first date. My last first kiss. And my first everything else.

That hope is what has kept me on this stupid roller coaster of rare highs and deep plunges.

It’s ridiculous: I’m ridiculous.

I know I should talk to him about this, but I’ve had a hard time addressing him at all. I just don't want to talk to him. I don't want to seek him out. I want to be happy and I think that means I need to get myself as far away from this situation as possible. Now if I could just get my legs to listen....

C'est la Vie
-The Blue Stocking

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Anonymous said...

no, really. this is creepily uncanny. i do believe we are living the same life. why is it so hard to get our legs and heart to agree with what our heads tell us?

Anonymous said...

It's ultimatum time. No matter how good your dates are, if he's treating you like crap (or worse, like you're invisible), he's exhibiting all the signs of being not into you. Cowboy up and tell this jerk that if he wants to be with you, you deserve more than three hours of attention per week. Otherwise, your boots are made for walking.

Marigold said...

Do you want to end up with a guy you have a hard time talking with? Sounds like hell.

Anonymous said...

This person has no class and is undeserving of your attention. Guaranteed there are far better men than this boy who you can spend time with. A change of scenery is in order beyond this tired piece of worn out ground.

Anonymous said...

Don't lose hope - your man is out there!! But do you really want a guy who puts you on the back-burner?

Anonymous said...

When a guy keeps switching on and off like that.... that's kind of scary. If he's doing that much NOW, how much will he do when (if) you are dating? Married? Having been in an abusive relationship once myself, warning signs can be obvious. Yes there is a really good chance he wouldn't be abusive, plus I can't look at it from an outsider POV since we only get your story, but when a guy will be so hot and cold like that.... that can be really scary.


Anonymous # 5,

Thank you so much for your advice. I just want to clarify that Bingley is not an abusive person. I never intended for any of you to think that.

If anything, he is kind to the extreme and goes out of his way to serve those around him. I think what’s going on boils down to two things: first, he can’t decide if he really wants to be with me and second, he has no idea how to start a relationship.

Ultimately, he is a sweet outgoing guy that does not know how to handle relationships with the opposite sex.

Once again thank you for the comments! You guys are amazing and I really appreciate all the support.