Red Light, Green Light- Reading the Signals

3/28/2012 The Closer 7 Comments

I remember that there used to be a time when I was good at "reading the signals". Wait, was there a time like that? I can't even remember anymore. Allow me to elaborate on my confusion.

When we left things off with The Lone Wanderer, I was riding a high from spending eight hours together followed by two days of continuous texting initiated by him, and then waiting for him to get back from another weekend camping expedition. I was also weighing the pros and cons of trying to foster a relationship long distance.

...Then he came back from the mountains. And I caved and initiated a short lived text conversation. Then I left it up to him, and didn't hear anything for days. Tried to initiate again on Monday, a good but short conversation. Left it up to him again, and nothing.

So let's analyze this data, because we know that us ladies love to analyze.

Data point #1. The Lone Wanderer is most definitely on the quiet and shy side, I flirted it up with him big time on the hiking trip I met him on. All flirting was well received.

Data point #2. I sent a couple of texts in the weeks after the trip, mostly talking about pictures that got uploaded and things of that nature. Nothing too big here.

Data point #3. I came home to a note on our kitchen whiteboard from him one day. I very slightly freak out because he's in town and was in my kitchen and left me a note. (Reminder: He lives out of state.).

Data point #4. He saves me a seat next to him at church that Sunday.

Data point #5. I invite he and his friend over for lunch. They come, friend leaves, he stays, the entire rest of the day.

Data point #6. He makes lunch plans with me when he misses his flight the next day.

Data point #7. He texts me that night to say goodbye because he's leaving in the morning.

Data point #8. He texts me in the morning to tell me not to be too sad about him making his flight this time.

Data point #9. We text the rest of the day- fun, funny, and he keeps it going.

Data point #10. I send a text the next day, he keeps conversation going the rest of the day.

Data point #11. Apparently absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it's more like out-of-sight, out-of-mind.

Maybe I am only seeing the data the supports what I want to see, but c'mon, that seemed like some pretty clear cut interest. Maybe just not enough to try and keep it going from different states? Oh, another data point to mention, he ended up having to work in Oregon (not Idaho) over the summer, and he found that out right when he got back from his weekend camping trip. Is that what changed things? Oregon is much farther from Utah than Idaho after all.

Now onto example number two of why I'm questioning my ability to read a man's signals. For this one I'm going to make you dig back in your memory banks for Happy McSmiles. I had been really excited, then not so excited, then back to a healthy level of excitement. I was sure that he had been flirting with me, especially after he read a bunch of my (non-anonymous) blog and messaged with me on facebook, and all kinds of little things. He comes and talks to me every chance he gets when I see him at Place, and I always figured he was either too shy to get my number, or there had never been an opportune moment without other peering eyes around. Again, I'm sure this was me misinterpreting everything.

What really felt like a slap in the face happened a couple of weeks ago. He was asking if I ever date shorter guys (I'm tall and I thought that he and I were the same height). I said that I have before, and if the guy is comfortable with it, I don't think it's too big of a deal. He then replies that he doesn't think he could do that, because he has "a friend who is the same height as you" that he can tell likes him, but he just couldn't date.

What the- mixed signals? This could easily turn into a rant about how lame it is to exclude someone from your dating pool for a half-inch height difference, but we'll have to save that for another day. Mostly I just think it's time for me to re-calibrate how I interpret interest from a guy. Or is there another problem at hand here that I am not seeing?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

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The Skeptic said...

Urg. Boys are so confusing. I was kinda hoping you'd have good advice, but it seems it's just another one of my kind of stories. Hope you figure it out!

Anonymous said...

What did the note in the kitchen say?

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that The Closer seems to fall madly in love with a new guy every week? Boys are confusing? I feel bad for all of the poor boys who cross her path. She jumps about and switches her focus like a kid with ADHD in a video arcade. Don't get me wrong, her posts tend to be entertaining and I enjoy reading them, it just seems like she's a little bit fickle.

Anonymous said...

Or maybe that's just what tends to happen when none of them ever ask you out or show any interest...eventually you get really good at just moving on and getting over them quickly

Juichi said...

First, I want to publicly disagree with the anonymous who was the 4th poster. I for one am glad that the Closer is willing to consider her options instead of obsessing about a guy the second he starts being friendly.

That said, I think that was all that happened. It's really easy to do a no-pressure not-a-date when you're sure that nothing will happen as a result. I honestly bet that in his mind, nothing besides hanging out happened at any time. Then again, my data is incomplete, so I could be wrong.

Anonymous said...

My guess about the Lone Wanderer is that it is fun and easy to be fun around someone who you feel no pressure about. I don't think he led you on on purpose but perhaps he was just having fun in a no-pressure situation since he knew he was leaving. Some guys are big flirts. However, doesn't really go with the silent, shy type you describe.

I think it is perfectly okay to switch around between guys. When I was single I would crush on a few guys at a time because it wasn't like pining after just one would make him want to date me. Keep your thoughts open and you will have more luck finding someone to date.

Keep being Happy McSmile's friend and maybe he will come around about the height issue. And maybe not, I have know a guy with a similar opinion. He asked me out on one date but we never went farther than that.

Adverb said...

I just got secondhand news that I was ruled out of a devastatingly handsome friend's dating pool for being only half an inch shorter than him. I'll survive and move on somehow, but it's nice to know that at least one of the lovely Anti-Austen ladies has the same woes as me.