Baby Names and Wedding Dates

3/29/2012 The Romantic 6 Comments

Almost three years ago, I thought I had met the love of my life, the love of my eternity rather. We met in February, and became friends. By April, we became the best of friends. By May it was official. There was no turning back. We were in love.

It was the first time I really loved someone more than I loved myself. We even had baby names picked out. William and Amelia. Will and Mia for short.

There is still one night I very clearly remember.
We were standing at my door step saying goodbye. We had probably been "saying goodbye" for a good hour.

We stopped kissing, and I looked up into his eyes.
"Do your really think we'll get married?" It was a clear summer night. The stars and moon were shining. It was just chilly enough to crave his arms being wrapped around me. The mood was light.

But he grew serious with his answer. "I really think so. We're going to make it."

And I believed it. We never fought. And we both loved each other despite all of our inadequacies. It was one of those glorious relationships where you are able to communicate everything to the other person without saying anything at all.
But then there was a fall-out. I wouldn't, and still won't, settle for anything less than a temple marriage. But he wasn't ready for one.

So there was break-up. Which was more of a break than a break-up because I still loved him despite the fact that it just wasn't going to work. But then I was whisked away on my study abroad.

E-mails were hard. I wanted so much to hear his voice. I called him once on my birthday, as a present to myself. And then once more later. It was the end call. The call that broke my heart.

He met someone else. We weren't right for each other. It was the end. I'm still ashamed at the things I said.

"I hate you. I hate her. Don't you dare think of taking her to our places." And the worst: "I never want to speak to you again."

I had never loved anyone as much as him, and never hated anyone as much as him.
Days passed. I didn't do anything except cry, probably terrifying both my flat mate, and my host mother. I read his letters every night before I went to bed, trying to relive every moment I had lost.

But time has passed. And somehow, I'm over it.

Our in-box has piled up with several letters inquiring how one gets over a break up.

I don't think anyone ever really knows how to get over a break up. But here are some things I've learned through personal experience:

1) When it's been serious, you can't just go back to being friends. It's impossible. Sorry. You've got to cut them out. I've sent and received enough needy text messages to realize that it's just better to end things with dignity; not bitterness and self-pity.
2) Give yourself a few days to mope. But then you've got to move on. Make new friends. Develop new habits. Create an identity outside of the couple you used to be.
3) When the moments of sadness take over, don't torture yourself by reading old letters, text messages and pouring over his facebook page. It'll hurt you. And you'll continue to identify yourself as someone he rejected.
4) Read your scriptures. Say your prayers. Go to the temple. Throw yourself into your calling. After every break-up I've gone through, those four simple things have helped me more than anything else.
5)Remember who you are, and that you are worth it. No matter what your low self-esteem is inclined to tell you.

That is what I've learned these past three years of relationships. I've tried to get over break ups in all ways imaginable; chocolate and ice cream, fashion, revenge (well, hardly). But I think the biggest thing to remember is patience. Time is the biggest healer of all wounds. It will still hurt a little bit every day. Until one day you'll wake up. And guess what? It won't hurt any more.

-the Romantic

PS just in case you're wondering, looks like I'll have to have surgery again. I won't actually be back to Provo for awhile. As the Koreans would put it. T.T

You Might Also Like


The Charmer said...

Ah, Romantic, it is so lovely to have you back!

And I absolutely adore this post. Wonderful advice. It's posts like this that make me realize just how much we missed you!

The Charmer

Anonymous said...

I'll second that. :) You have no idea how good it is to have you back.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes (erm, maybe all the time) I think you ladies are inspired. This is exactly what I needed to read today so thank you. Thank you for writing down your stories and experiences so that others may learn from them. I really appreciate you all!

I wrote a response to this post. I'll admit that it's a little long (1,147 words), but I think that you might be interested in reading it. Here's the link:

The Romantic said...

@The Obtrusive One
Thank you for your quite detailed response. I tried leaving a comment on your post, but I'm not certain it worked. You make valid points. And I appreciate your fervor. Good luck in your dating life.

For some reason, my blog thought that you were a spammer. I've got that fixed now and your comment is viewable.