3/20/2012 The Charmer 13 Comments

I heard through the grapevine that one of our readers wanted "more stories and less advice!" And I realized that I haven't been telling many stories lately! Sorry guys. It's probably because I don't have any good stories from my current dating life, and in my current mood anything I write about my dating life will be a lot less...cheery...than I like to be. I promise I'll give you more good stories. Soon.


This will be a relatively uneventful entry. My sleep schedule has been totally wonky the past week or so and my body is freaking out a little bit. In addition, at the moment I am having multiple conversations via text, email, and Facebook chat while simultaneously watching a terribly boring video of a group therapy session for one of my classes. So, I apologize if my writing is subpar.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share with you some gems from my dating life. These are things that real boys have said to me over the past four years. Most of them were pickup lines of sorts; a lot of them were things that boys said to me the first time I met them. Gentlemen-- I wouldn't recommend using most of these lines on the girl you're trying to win over.

On a date: "I only got two people Christmas presents this year. One for my mom....and one for you."

A random stranger as I walked home:
"Hey. Your shoes are really quiet. No, really. Most people make more noise when they walk."

"I've been waiting for a year to ask you out." (This has actually been said to me on two occasions by two different boys. And actually, one of these boys literally just said it to me again on Facebook chat about 10 minutes ago. He said, "I guess I've waited a year for you, I can wait another one." I think he was kidding. I think.)

A Sunday early in the semester: "So, I notice you've worn a different color outfit to church every Sunday so far this semester. You've worn green, yellow, purple, white, and now pink. I'm just waiting for you to repeat a color."

Meeting a boy: "Hey, what's your name? (I reply) Did I see you on Saturday? (Me: Uhhh...) At the duck pond? (Me: Oh, yup, that was me) Cool. (pause) I'm FancyPants."

"Hey, I see you everywhere! In fact, I saw you 7 times today! I saw you on the way to devotional, at devotional, leaving devotional, in the library, walking by the Tanner building, in the Wilk, and then just now. We should be friends!" (That was three years ago, and after returning from his mission I still continue to see him everywhere. Maybe he's my soulmate.)

The first day of class during a new semester. This boy was an RRM, bless his heart: "Can I sit by you for the rest of the year?"

"Freshmen girls are like flowers, they just need time...to bloom." (As freshmen, we were completely creeped out by this obviously not-freshman lurking in the Cannon Center. And we continued to be creeped out for the next two years as this boy continued to pop up in my life.)

"You're Miss Utah?!" Um, no. No I am not.

Coming from Piano Man: "I figured it out, Charmer; I'm just too manly for you." Yup, it doesn't get much manlier than jazz piano.

A boy I never dated: "I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you, but it was irritating me that I couldn't get over you. And this is the way I've found to get over you."

"Hey, you're from (insert state name here)? So do you wear short shorts?" (And no, I'm not from California. It's a state that doesn't even make sense in this context.)

"Right now, you look just like the mannequins I'd see on my mission in Germany. It's a compliment, I promise."

"So...if he's your ex's brother and he's just like my brother...than that must make you and I...something. Just an observation!"

Do you ladies have any gems? Or guys, have girls said anything really off-the-wall to you before?

The Charmer

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Anonymous said...

At the homecoming of my older brother's best friend he said: "You got so pretty and OLD!" Apparently it was a compliment. It just didn't really sound that way... :-)

Anonymous said...

At a dance party this kid turned around and said, "Hey did you just grab my butt?" Me: "um no....." Him:
"Oh I'm (whatever his name was)" me: "um hi"

Kailee said...

Hahaha those were hilarious!! I can't believe those all happened to you, and I'm so glad you remembered them and wrote them down..thanks for sharing :)

Haley Dennis said...

One time I met this guy and within the first five minutes of ever knowing him he began to tell me about his testicular surgery and how his nick name is now "Uniballer"... yeah...

Anonymous said...

I love your memories. Those are great! I too like the stories I read on this blog. I think the Sunday color stalker a bit creepy.

Once I was walking around campus and a boy stopped me and said, "I think we are in the same ward." I had no idea who he was. "Umm...no...I don't think so". Then he said "Yes, I saw your picture in the ward list and had a really good feeling about you." Creepy, huh? But we actually ended up being good friends.

Anonymous said...

Dancing with a guy I have never met before, him:
"Wow, it sounds like we would be really good together"

without thinking, my response was: "Um... I don't think so" I had to ramble on about some crap to save myself on that one!

Marigold said...

I have super curly brown hair that likes to be quite fluffly once in awhile, and I had someone say to me,
"Wow, your hair makes me want to go to another planet."
I have yet to decide whether this was a compliment or an insult.

Alden Waite said...

Why CTR rings in your mission language might be a bad thing:

My pre-mi roommate and I were eating in the Wilk when a girl comes up.
"Hi! Can I sit with you all, My name is..., I am a senior,... I graduate in 2 months. [focusing in on me] ooo What language is that in? Did you serve your mission there? [turning to my roommate] Where did you serve? Oh, you haven't. [turns to me for the rest of the time trying to flirt while still referencing the fact that she's graduating really soon]"

I unfortunately "felt" that I really needed to get to work as soon as I could, so I left her with my roommate as he skillfully bored her to death with his pre-mi woes. Thank goodness for roommates.

The Charmer said...

You guys, I am LOVING reading these!

The buttgrabber: so smooth, man.

Haley, I just died when I read about the "Uniballer." I honestly don't know WHAT I would have done in that situation.

And Marigold...if you just stared at that person with a really strange expression on your face, know that that is EXACTLY what I would have done, too.

Oh, don't you just love people? They make life so interesting. :D

Tab said...

I was at a dance once when a rather cowboyish looking boy asked me to dance. He starts the dance off by saying something that sounded like I have to go, so I said, "Oh okay" and then he said (what sounded like), "NO I have to go." Again I said, "Um...okay." Finally, the guy yells over the music, "NO! I HAVE GOATS! BAAAAAAAAA!" Yeah. He made goat sounds at me.

Anonymous said...

oh wow, that goat one just made my mum laugh until she cried!!

Angela said...

bahahaha I just about died laughing at the goats one!!!

A semester ago I was at a ward party and a guy in my ward came up to me while I was standing in line for dinner and said,
"I can just see it, it would be great!" to which I replied, "Uh. What?" He said, "Our grandchildren! They would be fantastic!" Then he proceeded to tell me how fantastic they would be... I didn't quite know how to react...

Anonymous said...

It was something my husband said to me after we were engaged that I really had to think about before responding to.

Of our first kiss he told me his thoughts were: "there goes my first kiss, hope it wasn't a waste"

Not really the romantic sentiments I was looking for when I asked for his thoughts in the first place, but that's what I get for asking.