Boxes and Webs
You’ve probably all heard the metaphor men think in boxes women think in webs. If not, here is a brief synopsis of how it goes.
Men’s minds are made up of boxes. They have a box for school, a box for work, a box for their intermural sport of choice, and it goes on and on. Men will take a box from their shelf, open it, and focus on that one thing. Then they will close their box, put it back, and get another one.
Women on the other hand think in webs. We can simultaneously have music blasting as we write a 10 page essay on economics and on the side have a relationship defining text session …oh, and there are probably cookies in the oven. Making webs can build up quite the appetite.
And that is the metaphor of boxes and webs as told to me by an ex-boyfriend. He was attempting to bridge the gap of miscommunication between us...sadly, we broke up anyways. Ok, back to the present.
I originally thought this was nothing more than a funny and clever metaphor, but the longer I’ve been in the dating world the more I see truth in it. I have even been able to apply it to my personal dating life. Get ready for this…
If you want a guy to think about you, get your own box. Be memorable. Create inside jokes. Talk to him more than once a week at ward prayer. Give him the look. And make sure he knows your name… preferably do this one first.
At the end of the day you want him to have a box with your name printed boldly across it.
So I’ve been working on my box as of late and I think it’s coming into existence quite nicely. Last week I hadn’t heard from a certain gent for a couple of days, which was fine, but you can only go so long without contact. Instead of playing the silly game of “I’m going to wait till he texts” I decided to bite my pride and ask how his busy week had been going. We ended up texting for a while and then he called me to go out Saturday night. Success.
It was just the two of us on the date and I really enjoyed just getting to know him more on a one on one basis. Nothing life defining happened, but I’m loving taking things slow. Personally, I’m one who tends to run if things get complicated and intense too fast.
Also, one thing I really appreciate about Bingley is he always gets me home at a decent hour and he never plans a date that goes over 3 hours…ever. It’s so wonderful and it makes me excited to see him again. I don’t think I can stress the importance of not exhausting your relationship prematurely.
Back to the main point: be bold and get your own box. After all, no one wants to share a box with another girl, or heaven forbid a group of girls.
-The Blue Stocking
10 comments:
Ahh, so brilliant! It makes everything make more sense. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
You tell girls how to get their own box, but how can guys get to the centre of a girl's web?
ha. good question. for me, everything relates to everything. if you get a couple of different topics to relate to you, my mind will wander and i'll think of the guy. the more connections the better. in my opinion.
In response to Colonel Paisley's response: you just want her to notice you! Don't be afraid to let her know you are interested. Talk to her and just make her feel special. I think the Blue Stocking's post applies to both girls and boys. You just want to be memorable and not place yourself as just another boy, but as a boy that is worth developing a relationship with :)
I actually don't agree with the whole guys think in boxes, girls think in webs theory. I can be doing those exact same things that you listed all at the same time, and I'd like to think that I'd be able to do them just as well.
I also know someone who is an amazing multitasker, and, guess what, he's a guy. He can be watching a movie, reading a book, and writing a paper while having 2 or 3 conversations with people on Facebook or via text. Oh, and there are probably brownies in the oven.
I agree. We do think in webs. And I also agree that it is possible for men to think in webs as well. Stereotypically speaking however, they tend to compartmentalize more than we do. That doesn't mean that they can't multitask or make connections between boxes.
I've been trying to get my own box for the last little bit with this one guy. I initiated a conversation at the beginning of last week and he ended it by asking if we could exchange numbers! BONUS! Later in the week, he initiated conversation. And then I did again. Things are going pretty well. I guess. My question is, how do you know if you have your own box, or if you share? Cuz I do NOT want to share that box.
Blue Stocking, I love this post! Congrats with Bingley. I agree that the stereotypes aren't as cut and dried as the analogy suggests. However, it helps us understand how these things work, including why women over-think dating more than men and why men complain that the rules of dating change constantly and wildly.
Anonymous, I have boxes for groups of women, but it's generally for groups of ladies who are unavailable individually, but are great fun in apartments or other groups. If I (a man) try to interact with you as a person, you have your own box. If I just talk to you when you're with your friends, joking with all of you but showing little or no preference to any one person, you need to stand out more.
I think the box/web imagery focuses more on how we think. Yes, some women can multitask (I'm not very good at it, myself) but the web comes from how our brain connects EVERYTHING. In general, women analyze how everything in their life connects. Which is why a guy will get frustrated with one thing, then let it go, but a girl will cope until everything builds up, and we didn't do well on a test, our cookies burned, so-and-so didn't text us yesterday, AND it's cloudy. Or something along those lines...of web. They're all connected. At least, that's my take.
you guys have 300 followers! that's awesome. and not surprising, but still awesome. congrats!
Colonel Paisley:
A guy gets to the center of my web by doing something memorable that pops up in everyday life.
Example: There is this one guy who, unfortunately, has occupied the center of my web for quite some time simply because just about everything I do has a memory or event that is attached to him. Lucky for him because he's always on my mind, unlucky for me because he's not worth half of the stuff I do for him and I need to just kick him to the curb.
So, from my experience, you just have to become part of her everyday life by making sure there is a reason for you to ping her radar often.
Good luck with the tangled webs and soggy cardboard! :-)
So, I really liked this post... and I've done some applying... and I think I have a box :D Thanks for sharing!
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