Communication: It Can be a Rocky Road

3/06/2012 The Charmer 0 Comments

Last week I wrote a post designed to help out guys with dating questions they might have. Instead of writing a post this week for the purpose of helping ladies with dating, I'm going to send you to another blog written by a couple of guys who definitely know what they're talking about. The brothers behind this blog are really good friends of mine and they have a whole set of lessons designed to help GIRLS know how to put their best dating feet forward! Check out The Brothers' Guide to Guys ...and if you like what you see, hit me up and I can set you up. ;)

In fact, their most recent post is actually my topic of interest today...communication.

Very few things kill relationships as quickly as bad communication.

In fact, the bulk of the issues between Mr. Director and I have been due to our very different styles of communicating. We were talking about it a couple weeks ago and we came to some conclusions that I'd never realized before. So, I figured I'd share them with you; who knows, maybe something I say will strike a chord because you'll realize you've had the exact same problem!

Something I've known about myself for a long time is that I am a writer. My preferred form of communication is writing. That's not to say I don't like talking; I LOVE talking. I can stay up until 3 in the morning talking to someone even if I don't know them that well. But honestly, I am a much better communicator when I write than when I speak. I've always hated calling people on the phone; I'd much prefer to email them. In class, I rarely get involved in class discussions (and heaven forbid I speak during a class argument!). Instead, I like to synthesize all of my thoughts in my head rather than blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. I like allowing myself time to process ideas, letting them come together into a coherent little bundle before I share them with others. For me, half of the "figuring out" process comes as I work things out on paper. I think this is partly because I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head that they get lost if I don't get them down on paper. So, to put it more simply, I might not get involved in verbal class discussions...but I can write a mean analytical essay.

The only problem with this is that it means I don't always try to voice my thoughts. If I feel like I don't have the words to express what I'm feeling, I figure, why bother? This ended up being a point of discord between Mr. Dir and I. He'd get frustrated because he'd read my blog posts and think to himself, I had no idea she was feeling that way! Why didn't she tell me?! Well, now I think, DUH mister, it's because I'm a lot better at sharing my feelings via the written word! But of course neither one of us realized that at the moment.

So, that brings us to Point A: It's important to realize whether you are a speaker or a writer. If you're trying to share your deepest thoughts and feelings, are you better at speaking about them or writing about them? (And maybe some of you are neither and refuse to share your feelings, period. That's okay, too. But it could make relationships tricky.) This is going to influence the way you approach important conversations. Like me, you might find yourself struggling to SAY exactly what you're feeling when someone asks you.

The second aspect of communication in which the two of us realized we differed was the types of thoughts we like to share. I love hearing people's stories about their lives. I like discovering the events and experiences that helped to shape the person currently speaking to me. I also love hearing about people's lives because I like to learn about things that I haven't had the chance to do. For example, I'm not well-traveled outside of the country, so when people have stories about foreign travels, I just eat them up.
Mr. Dir, on the other hand, doesn't like to talk about his past and doesn't really like to hear stories about other people's pasts. He thinks it's more important to talk about topics that both people can relate to, such as present happenings or future plans. He likes conversations where both people can be "active participants." In his words, he likes discussions that are "more of a conversation, less of a story." For example, he would much rather hear about how I've applied something I learned from a past friend in my current life than hear a story about a crazy night the friend and I had together.

Point B: Discover what sorts of things you most like to discuss with others. If you are a lover of stories (like me!), you probably tend to communicate by telling stories. If the person you're talking to isn't a fan of storytelling (like Mr. Dir), they might find themselves getting irritated with your constant flow of "And so this one time, I did this!" (And if you're a person who loves stories, it can be very frustrating when your boyfriend refuses to tell you any! It's nice to finally figure out why that bothered me so much!)

Well, that's all I've got for you today. And even though Mr. Dir communicates differently than I do, I still like 'im a lot. In fact, I like him more every time I see him.
(Maybe I should tell him that.)

The Charmer

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