I'm Channeling Goldie Locks...

9/26/2011 The Blue Stocking 6 Comments

Why o why must relationships be so wonky?

Let me paint you a little picture to clue you in on my current predicament {lie: there will not be a picture because I can’t draw, let’s just except this as a metaphor}

So let’s do an intro for the two guys causing all this fuss.

First, remember the RM. Well I decided to try the whole dating thing {not exclusively though}, but now it’s gotten rather confusing. We really haven’t spent that much time with each other, yet he has become very forward with his feelings via text.

Side Note: Is it just me or do you notice a general theme of guys being more forward in texts than they would ever be in person. I understand that it’s an easier way to discuss your ‘feelings,’ but I just hate the pressure that is put on me to compose the perfect reply text. It’s a test that I rarely pass.

Anyhoo, his texts are getting too forward and brazen and I desperately need things to slow down. I talked to him this weekend about it, but I don’t really see it stopping.

Second: Service Boy. I am co-chairs on the service committee with SB. This means we have been spending a lot of time together and things between us have started to take a turn for the romantic. But here’s the thing, generally I’m pretty reluctant to say “o, ya this guy likes me,” but I genuinely think he does and this is why.

1. He always walks home with me from church.

2. He finds me at ward prayer and we talk for hours….hours people. And our conversations range from being hilarious and flirty to serious and deep.

3. We have a ton of inside jokes and we are always play-arguing over silly things.

4. I catch him watching me all the time… not in a creepy way though.

5. He NEVER talks about other girls, and he NEVER asks me about guys.

6. He comes up with excuses to come over to my place and chat.

7. He remembers everything I say and I really feel like he’s trying to get to know the real me.

And here’s why things are complicated: HE HASN’T ASKED ME OUT.

For the most part I am a firm believer of, “if he’s not asking you out he doesn’t like you.” But it’s different with SB,not just because of the 7 reasons listed above, but because he’s a very shy guy.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this, but I am not that shy, in fact I’m pretty outgoing. So maybe he’s intimidated… maybe?

I just don’t know and it’s driving me crazy.

So what should I do with the guy who’s making too many moves and the guy who has yet to make one?

-The Bamboozled Blue Stocking.

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well, the "simple" solution would be to ask HIM out. I say that carefully because I in no way mean that that is actually simply done, but that's really the fastest solution to your predicament. If it really is that he's shy, it will give him a boost of confidence. If you're reading things wrong, it will end the tension for both of you.

Sarah said...

I agree with Jessica. Pick the one you like more and start getting forward with him. I married a shy guy and to this day I believe the only reason we ever started dating is that I used what I call the law of reciprocation. For everything he did (e.g. come hang out, walk me home, text me, chat me, send me a message on facebook) I would do back. He starts a text conversation, I start one the next day. He invites me to hang out or singles me out at ward prayer, I invited him over for something at my apartment soon thereafter. This is an option if actually asking him on a date sounds daunting. Also, the touching of elbows, sitting close, and flirtatious touching in general can't hurt. Good luck!

Stephanie said...

Ok, I have the same thing going on with me and this guy from work. It's so confusing and I don't know what to do about it. If you come up with a solution let us know!

Michael said...

Give the guy a break and ask him out! I'm sure he's just too shy and guys like it when girls ask them out. Less pressure for them. Trust me. Do it. Now.

Jaclyn said...

Ask the guy making too many moves for his advice on how to get the other guy to go out with you. Even if his advice sucks, at least he'll get the hint that you're interested in other people than just him.

Disclaimer: if he's really been this forward, this can make you seem like a bit of a jerk.

You could just ask him straight up who he likes; that's what I did with my husband before we'd started dating or got married and it turned out well. Jaclyn's advice would be mean and wouldn't work that well. Guys don't like girls playing around with them just as girls don't like guys playing with them.... But I don't really agree with the whole asking a guy out thing. Guys don't really like that too much b/c they want to be the one to make the move (it's kind of their classic role--making the first move, asking a girl out, proposing etc.). Be firm, yes; but not ridiculously forward (most guys won't ask a girl who asked them out on another date, nor does it usually work out...but there are exceptions, I know a couple who just got married where the girl asked him out on the first date and she is also the one that proposed--though he proposed officially and put the ring on her finger and such).

Best of luck.