I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.

9/28/2012 The Lady 3 Comments

I did not tell The Preacher the truth last Friday night when he dropped me off after our date. After another much-too-long-and-too-tender hug, I just let him walk away, and he was probably thinking that his efforts might be leading to “something.”

But I couldn’t say it. Not then. If this is cruelty, so be it.

At least this time, I blame The Preacher. It is his fault I said nothing. At the very beginning of our date, he commented, “You know, I’m always kind of sad that something between you and Clive didn’t work out. You two were perfect for each other.”

Inside my head I breathed a huge sigh of relief, “So this is a friend date! We’re doing these things as friends! Men don't bring up your old prospects in such a favorable manner (especially their past roommates) unless the two of you are just friends!” We spent some time talking about myself and Clive and the other interests I have in men in the ward. And the rest of the date was just a good time, as I had relaxed under the pretense of this being a date between friends.

I think I may have been wrong. The Clive comment must have been simply in passing with no real meaning (or even honesty) behind it. But that is the reason why I said nothing. I couldn’t have said anything. But I can’t let it happen again. It has to be the end of The Preacher even if our friendship goes with him.

Another dilemma:

Mr. Collins (blast that Mr. Collins!) wrote me on Facebook asking when he could come over to my apartment for a visit. How does one say kindly, “I do not want you to come over, and I would prefer it if you never spoke to me ever again. You creep me out in the worst way imaginable.” Is there any way to say that gently?

May you have better luck than I,
The Lady

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Dreams becoming reality?

9/26/2012 The Closer 4 Comments

Oh do I have some fun updates. I've been so excited to blog that I almost blogged early and then I got distracted so now I am diligently posting on my allotted day, to give you these exciting updates.

Which to start with... Let's start with The Crooner. The Crooner moved into my ward about a month ago, and I quickly ended up on a group date with him. It was light, he was fun and a good conversationalist, and there was some mutual chemistry. He's been texting me pretty consistently and asked me out once but I wasn't able to go that night (and offered another night like a good lady does). Finally we got to go out last night, maybe two weeks after the first date. We went to an open mic night and he plays guitar and sings so he performed a couple of songs. Now, I am not the typical girl who is easily swooned by a man with a guitar. On the contrary as a matter of fact. But he was so talented that I was not even turned off. Afterwards we chatted at his apartment for a while, and he walked me home, then sent ME a post date text to thank me for coming. That was certainly refreshing, and surprising.

The Crooner apparently has taken a fancy to me, and has convinced me to join him again tonight for dessert. Luckily my week is quite full after tonight so he shall have no more luck in catching me on last minute dates. Which are only a frustration on occasion I should add.

So this is just exciting update number one, and I am much more excited about update number two. Now, I have mentioned Mr. Manager on several occasions on this blog. He is my close friend who I have little by little fallen in love like with. My biggest wrestle has been the fact that he is at least five inches shorter than me.  Outside of this fact, I think he is phenomenal. We just 'get' each other. And our friendship has always felt just a little different than my other guy friendships, like Rex.

So I've been wrestling with these feelings a lot lately, and wondering if maybe he had started to feel them too.  After all, he was tossing rocks at my window.

All of this is a preface to the fact that this past weekend, he took me on a date. Like a real live, planned, paid for, paired off, the words "this is a date" were vocalized, date. And it was a great date. It was comfortable but still gave me little hints of butterflies. I found myself wanting to be near him, and hoping he asks me out again. He also made a comment, like it was nothing, in mid conversation, that he's gotten to the point where he only asks girls on first dates when he wants to pursue something more serious. Whoa. Does that mean me?

Yours truly,

The Closer

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Fall Date Ideas: Part 1

9/25/2012 The Romantic 2 Comments

Fall is my favorite.

Fall makes me wanna get all sorts of cozy. It makes me wanna wear plaid flannel shirts and wrap myself in plaid flannel blankets.

Fall smells new to me. The air is crisp, alive, awake and full of promise. Fall is full of cardigans, scarves, and comfy socks.

Fall is my favorite. 

Fall awakens my romantic sensibilities. Which is really too bad, because I've never had a boy friend in the fall. So instead of sighing over an imaginary list of dates I'd like to go on during my favorite season of the year, I'm going to enlighten you dear readers with my ideas. Because if I'm not going on dates, someone should.

The mountains in Utah Valley during the fall are IN CRED I BLE! Did you look at the mountains today? I mean, did you really look at them!? There's red, orange, and every color in between on those mountains today. And don't even get me started on those clouds. Which brings me to:

Date idea #1:
A fall picnic up Provo canyon. Doesn't it just sound like fun? You can pack away some hot cider in a thermos (if you're really feeling adventurous, you can try some tomato soup). Bring an abundance of cozy blankets. Some sandwiches.

And maybe, just maybe, if the mood is right, you can snuggle up together and watch a movie on a lap top.


Awww. I'm getting all swoony just thinking about it.

xoxo
-the Romantic 

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Ready to make amends.

9/21/2012 The Lady 7 Comments

I am beginning to believe that I am being punished for not being enthusiastically and actively engaged in the dating scene, or even the socializing scene for that matter. Aphrodite and Eros are waging war against me. I suppose until I begin try in earnest, I will only have a plague as a dating life. Before was the famine, now it is the locusts. (Too strong of a metaphor?)

But I do believe I have a good reason to keep myself inside: to protect myself and to protect others. You see, the less I socialize the less likely I will be to attract the sort who seem to find me fascinating and whom I find quite . . . unappealing. And also, the less I socialize the less likely I will be to become contaminated with the symptoms of like. It's a messy process I sometimes need to steer clear from.

I have another date with The Preacher tonight. I just do not know how to say no. It's a major problem in my life. I am led to believe that one of the main reasons anything happened between myself and Mr. Tennis and myself and Mr. Slipshod is mainly because I know not how to refuse a man. For example: I started dating Dex because I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't interested in him. It worked out well, but lightning does not strike twice (or so I've been told). One of the only times I have ever told a man "No," I was afraid that he might do himself some harm (he admitted to suffering from severe depression while on our first date). I still feel like a bit of a heartless guttersnipe because of it.

And here is The Preacher. Such a nice guy! A friend! But he deserves someone who actually appreciates his attention, and he deserves someone much kinder than myself. But how do I tell him so? I know he deserves to be told, but how does one bring that up? Oh, woe is me! I just might find myself married before the end of the semester simply because I cannot master one little word: "No."

Perhaps if I memorize this poem by Christina Rossetti:

I never said I loved you, John:
Why will you tease me day by day,
And wax a weariness to think upon
With always "do" and "pray"?

You Know I never loved you, John;
No fault of mine made me your toast:
Why will you haunt me with a face as wan
As shows an hour-old ghost?

I dare say Meg or Moll would take
Pity upon you, if you'd ask:
And pray don't remain single for my sake
Who can't perform the task.

I have no heart?-Perhaps I have not;
But then you're mad to take offence
That don't give you what I have not got:
Use your common sense.

Let bygones be bygones:
Don't call me false, who owed not to be true:
I'd rather answer "No" to fifty Johns
Than answer "Yes" to you.

Let's mar our plesant days no more,
Song-birds of passage, days of youth:
Catch at today, forget the days before:
I'll wink at your untruth.

Let us strike hands as hearty friends;
No more, no less; and friendship's good:
Only don't keep in veiw ulterior ends, And points not understood

In open treaty. Rise above
Quibbles and shuffling off and on:
Here's friendship for you if you like; but love,-
No, thank you, John.


Oh, heaven help me.

Con Amor,
The Lady

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How do you feel about...?

9/18/2012 The Romantic 18 Comments

Years before I left on my mission, I was under the impression that returned sister missionaries were undesirable in the dating world.

But as I transitioned into wards that were a little bit older, I found the exact opposite to be true. Returned sister missionaries were a hot commodity.

Returned sister missionary ='ed guaranteed dates. Not only did they equal dates, they equaled dates with some of the most sought after boys in the ward (and some of the most not sought after boys if we're being perfectly honest here).

But now that I'm home, I just don't know any more. It seems like every guy I talk to has a prejudice against sister missionaries (which happens to be my biggest pet peeve on the planet).

So readers, what do you think?
And guys, would you date an RM, especially if she were *gasp* older than you?



Curiously yours,
the Romantic





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Thanks Elder Oaks

9/16/2012 The Romantic 6 Comments

He was right. This is exactly how it feels being single.
"The situation of a Church member who is single can be illustrated by a simple analogy. Imagine that your favorite hobby is stargazing and you’ve just joined a stargazing club. You come to your first club activity eager to participate. It’s a cold night, but you’re not concerned: most of the club members are wearing club jackets, and you’ve been told you should be able to get one as well. But there is no jacket for you. You ask about it, and you are told to keep looking and that if you do your best, you will find a jacket when the time is right.
Meanwhile, you are getting pretty cold and a little worried. And you notice that most of the other club members are talking about how nice and warm their jackets are. In fact, throughout the evening the topic surfaces continually in various forms: how to wash and dry your jacket, how to add extra pockets, how to mend it, and so forth. Some of the club members notice you don’t have a jacket. 'You really need a jacket for these activities,' they tell you. 'Why don’t you have one yet?'" -Elder Oaks via this article

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I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.

9/15/2012 The Lady 6 Comments

I do declare that this semester's turnover has done me some good, bless all these men for deciding to move into my ward. However, it is much too soon to say exactly what will come of it. 

In the meantime, something wicked this way did come. 

Oh, alright. Wicked is much too strong of an adjective. Perplexing is a better word, though much less poetic. 

The Preacher. A giant ball of perplexity in my life. Undeterred by any awkward moments on my part (which abound), The Preacher has continued to make advances. But let it be known that I do not mind his company. He is wonderfully intelligent and good-humored and I enjoy his company in my circle of friends. Unfortunately, I am not in anyway attracted to him. Not even in the most insignificant of ways. He does such strange things and he mumbles. I cannot abide mumbling. Being hard of hearing (incredibly so), I do not have any desire to spend years of my life squawking, "What?!" Having to do so makes me feel foolish and as though The Preacher finds me somewhat empty-headed. Let me assure you, my head is full, so full in fact that it interferes with my ability to hear. 

Last Friday night, The Preacher called me, but because I was in the middle of a very exciting book, I ignored the call. Guilt, as it often does, overrode my desire to keep reading (Oh my word, I just realized how sad that sounds. I was reading on a Friday night, not even gossiping with my roommates. I need to get out more.) so I listened to The Preacher's voice-mail. He was bored (I can't imagine being bored while reading The Odyssey for fun. Who's the nerd now?!) and wanted to hang out that instant. Knowing that I absolutely did not wish to spend my entire Friday night alone with The Preacher (when I could be reading), I quickly called another of my guy friend's and begged for a small way to escape. I have very faithful friends. So I called The Preacher and told him that I was going over to John's (uninventive pseudonym) house and that he was welcome to come along. 

When The Preacher saw me, he quickly embraced me, and when I pulled back I could tell by how tightly he was still holding on to me that I had pulled away much sooner than he had wanted me to. Oh, the horror! I spent the night in a crowd of boys, myself being the only girl, which normally would have been delightful, but it was not that night. My head was a'buzz with worry about The Preacher. His goodbye hug to me that night was just as lingering as the first. 

He asked me out for this weekend, but fortunately I already had plans. I feel quite awful about The Preacher in reality. He is such a wonderful person, but is just one of those guys. You know the ones. They are great, kind, and just simply good, but they're just not for you. I have no idea what to do. I am reluctant to tell him that I am not interested in him because I don't want to hurt him and ruin our friendship or have him deny that he has any interest in me whatsoever. Awkward.

Help me my dear strangers. How do I discourage The Preacher from any sort of amorous hope while still maintaining a friendship?

Con Amor,
The Lady

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New life plan

9/13/2012 The Romantic 4 Comments

So, I'm a little bit in love with one of my professors.

Not in a weird way. But kind of like this:


Can't I just marry a professor instead of becoming one? 

xoxo
-the Romantic  

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The good, the bad, and the interesting.

9/11/2012 The Romantic 1 Comments

Let's start with the bad news. 
My football date turned out to be a dud. In fact, I feel so disenchanted about the whole thing, I can't even seem to come up with a proper name for the poor fellow. 
So, based off of my experience at Saturday's game, here are some tips for all of us to remember in dating situations: 
-stay off your cell phone. It's rude. No calls, no texts, no facebooking, no tweeting. Period.  
-make eye contact with your date. (this is a good tip generally in any social situation)
-don't park 5,000 miles away from the activity, especially when your date had hip surgery a month and a half ago... unless of course you're hiking. Then parking far away is permissible. 
-don't leave the activity early (this can't be just me, right girls? you would never ask a boy to leave a date early?)
-listen when your date is talking... that's probably most important advice I can ever give. 

I mean, the poor fellow was nice and all. And I think he wanted to go out with me. His actions just didn't really reflect it.

And now for the interesting. 
Mr. Lowe has a girlfriend! As of yesterday! I found out via facebook. I have to admit, I was a little taken aback by the news. I texted a friend, telling her that I felt like a complete idiot. I haven't talked to Mr. Lowe other than a couple sporadic texts since our pseudo date. But still... Have I been making a fool of myself? When the light of dawn brought a little bit more perspective to my mind, I realized that I've only acted the way any other girl would in this situation. I have nothing to be ashamed of. He flirted back. He asked me out! More than once too! It's like my stake president keeps telling me, you can't teach someone to have good taste. Mr. Lowe's loss. 
But as I walked out of my 10:00 class this morning, still debating whether or not I should acknowledge Sweater Guy's presence there, I saw Mr. Lowe holding hands with his girlfriend. 

If I was really cool, I would've said hi like I don't care at all; that all his mixed signals didn't matter because I've been going on tons of dates since I've been back (which is partly true). But I'm not cool. I'm a coward. So instead of a friendly wave, I averted my eyes and made my way quickly to the JSB to watch the devotional. 

And now the good news. 
I swore to myself that I would never date another hipster. (It's such an awful feeling knowing that your boyfriend has a better sense of style than you do) But it seems that the Lord has seen fit to send me to ward full of hipster men... And only hipster men. They're all way too cool for me of course. (One is a drummer in a pretty popular local band...please excuse me while I wipe the drool from my salivating mouth when I see him EVERYWHERE on campus) And I'm finally getting over the whole awkward RM "thang". So maybe I'll have really good news to relate very soon. 

xoxo
-the Romantic 

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Art, Scooters, and Casual Dating

9/09/2012 The Blue Stocking 1 Comments


I month ago I mentioned the TA. Well I didn’t want to make something out of nothing, but now it’s something.
For the past three weeks we’ve been casually flirting, nothing serious, but a couple witty comments here and there.
Since school has started we’ve barely seen each other. It’s a shame really. Well on Friday we ran into each other and had a real live conversation, fancy that. Soon we were talking about our weekend plans and he mentioned the Andy Warhol exhibit opening at the M.O.A. I have been wanting to go to that and I told him so. And then the simple magic of a common interest soon found us planning a Friday night date.
Oh sweet success.
We decided that a fancy occasion like an art gallery should be surrounded by fanciness of every kind. We each dressed up and he very punctually came to my place and took me out to dinner. We went to the Wild Ginger for some sushi and I have to say it was the first place a guy has taken me that wasn’t apart of some dinning chain. I loved it.
We got to the M.O.A. right after 8 and I sincerely hope some of you were able to make it because it was an experience. There was a band loud enough to make us lean in close to talk and good enough to keep us bobbing about throughout night. The art work was innovative and fun and we even made it around to the other exhibits.
My favorite was the silver cloud exhibit. It was basically a bunch of silver balloons floating in a room and we were able to go in and play with them. Who knew so much flirting could be had with silver balloons and a boy.
Afterwards we went on a walk and just chated and then he took me home.
It was a night that made me believe that the romantic comedies may have been mirroring actual life events.
So last week we talked about ol Scoot. I brought up the fact that he has been ignoring me, and I may have spoken too soon. We ended up running into each other on Monday after FHE and hanging out the rest of the night. It was so great to catch up and I feel like I’m meeting a completely different side to him. It seems as if this last year has brought a new calm to his life. All in all it was a great time.
-The Bluestocking

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'To Thine Own Self Be True"

9/08/2012 The Blue Stocking 3 Comments


We don’t always feature the email we get, but I really enjoyed this question so here it is. Feel free to add your advice to mine.

Hello ladies,

Like any other BYU girl, the beginning of the semester has resurrected my hopes of finding that someone-- or at least, going on some fun dates with some great guys. This has led me to examine the past year of dating famine that I have experienced, and ask myself why. I realized that, for most of this past year, my love life has gone something like this: "He likes me but I like this other guy who likes this other girl." As I have watched (er... that sounds creepy. But there was no stalking involved. Ok, there was, but only minimal Facebook stalking. Everyone does that, right?) these guys date, I have realized that they like and date different kinds of girls than me. How do you attract different kinds of guys? What have your experiences been with being a metaphorical blonde liking a guy who dates brunettes?

Thanks!

Trying To Be My Own Fairy Godmother

First off, yes everyone facebook stalks. That’s why it’s there so everyone can stop trying to argue that they have it to keep in contact with friends from high school (10 bucks says you’d ignore those people if you ran into them at the store).
You attract who you attract. Honestly, if you stop being yourself so you can get a guy, what are you going to do three months down the road when you’re sick of your new found role? I know that’s not the most helpful thing, but really you only want guys who actually like you…because you’re being you.
You mentioned that you seem to have these circular relationships, he likes you, you like someone else, someone else likes what’s-her-face, and what’s-her-face could care less. It’s tragic and obnoxious and a lot of other things, but one day you’ll find that one guy who will like you (read Shakespeare, all of this stuff is in there and that guy could give better advice than me).
I actually have dated a guy who liked different hair than the kind I was blessed with. Because of this, I suffered through months of him telling me how I should fix it. When I think back on that relationship I feel like a fool. Why in the world did I put up with a guy who wanted me any different than I was? Also, my hair's awesome.
All that I’m saying is (warning, we are about to get corny up in here) love yourself enough to hold out for the guy who wants you, not your hair.
But if you don’t wash it, that’s a different story…
Now I know hair was a metaphor for any attribute you currently possess that your crush may not swoon over, but take it from Billy and “to thine own self be true,” so if he’s not looking your way, walk away.
Now if you firmly believe that if he could just look past your blond locks he would love you, then make him look! No trickier, just full out flirting... I hope in your case that isn't the same thing.
If you don’t like this advice and you want to trick a guy into liking you, than by all means stalk him, find out his likes, pretend they’re your likes too, and dye your hair. I’ve done it, it works, and I got bored two weeks later.
Good luck!
-The Bluestocking

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Greetings from the Land of Pseudo-Dates

9/06/2012 The Romantic 1 Comments

Oh readers, it's been an interesting week back at BYU. 

Last Thursday, before the big game, I went out to dinner with my stake president from back home, and a bunch of kids from my stake. 

Mr. Lowe was there. Just in case you were wondering. I'd become pretty convinced that we'll be nothing more than friends. Despite the text message he sent me last Tuesday wishing me a good day (I thought only girls did stuff like that). 

During dinner, my stake president slipped me some tickets to the BYU game this Saturday. His one condition on my using them: I needed to ask a boy to go with me. 

The unfortunate thing about returning from a mission is that all of your close guy friends have married in your absence. And they are therefore unavailable to pal around with me and my incredible football tickets (understandably). But I told myself I wasn't going to worry about it until Monday... Maybe I would meet someone at church. 

Friday rolls around. 
Mr. Lowe texts me about the obscene amount of comments that Mr. E is posting on my facebook wall. The conversation changes topics, and we both realize that neither of us has plans for the evening. So I ask him if he wants to "hang out". I'm very specific in my wordage here so as to friend zone myself. I'm tired of making myself so available when nothing is happening. 

"Do you wanna go see the Avengers together?" he asks. So we went. Just the two of us. Arms touching the whole time we watched the movie. 

I'm still not sure what last Friday night was. I thought maybe I should offer to pay for my ticket once he picked me up. But then decided against it. After the movie, he took me out for ice cream and paid for that too. So by the Elder Oak's definition, it was a date. 

But it didn't feel like one. 

But instead of being confused, or even frustrated, I'm a little angry. The situation with Mr. Lowe reminds me a little bit of Sweater Guy (who happens to be enrolled in one of my classes this semester... yikes). Their personalities are completely different. But I still can't help but feel like I'm being strung along. 

Needless to say, Mr. Lowe is being dropped faster than a non-committal investigator...It's to the back of the area book for him. 

But that still brings up the question of who I'm taking to the game on Saturday.  After a few days of panic, I think I've found the perfect person to go with. 

Now if only I hadn't gotten rid of all my BYU apperal before the mission... 

xoxo
-the Romantic 

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I do not hook up

9/05/2012 The Closer 7 Comments

Oh goodness my dear readers I feel as though I have neglected you. You will be pleased to know, or maybe not so pleased, that there are no exciting updates that I have for you. Well actually, I shouldn't suppose to know what you do and do not find exciting, because as I think about it, maybe I do have some exciting news, just not really about dating, or maybe it's a little about dating. How was that for a rambling sentence? Sometimes it's just effective creative process to think on the keyboard, I hope you are enjoying my creative process today.

Where we last left off I was dealing with the conundrum of a secret crush on my man friend named Rex. Over the last couple of weeks I have realized two things. The first of these things is that Rex is not really the type of guy I would want a serious relationship with, we seem to have significantly varied priorities in life. The second of these things is that there is still chemistry there, he is still attractive to me- even if it's in a slightly dorky, accidentally charming kind of way. For the most part now, the attraction feels dead, and he's just another one of the buds, but there are still some moments where I find myself wanting to be holding his hand, or maybe you know, something like, oh I dunno, kissing his face.

With that being said, here is the news that may be exciting, and may not be. I am taking a trip, to Europe, with Rex and two other friends, for two weeks, in October. So exciting! I am quite excited. Did I mention that I am experiencing this thing they call excitement? I am.

There have already been jokes about pairing off in Europe... "jokes". Let's be honest, a little bit of chemistry and two weeks of international travel has got to create a boiling point. Especially because the other two people joining us are basically a couple. You see the problem, is that I am not the kind of girl that just goes around kissing all kinds of boys, I believe myself to be better than a random hookup. (And doggone it, everyone should!). Now you may be thinking, "Wait, why is this a problem?". Well hello! Because of the inevitably chemistry and the near certainty of my gradually weakening state of valor and honor!

Who knows, maybe my weakening resolve won't be an issue at all. He is kind of a big chicken when it comes to ladies, and I do not see myself being the one to try and put any moves on him. But if he does put on the moves, I might just end up as weak and wooed ball of putty. Is this one of those times where I am going to make it happen strictly because I believe it will? How do I convince myself that I can keep from being seduced by the witty and playful Rex a midst the romantic wanderings of Europe?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

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Why Didn't Jane Write a Dating Rule Book!?

9/03/2012 The Blue Stocking 4 Comments

Is it unrealistic to believe that you can be friends with a guy you dated? Now remember dating and being in a relationship are different. If you’ve been in a serious relationship and dare I say talked marriage with a boy, walk away. You will not revive your old friendship nor should you.

But I’m talking dated: gone on a couple dates. Innocent enough right?
Well the reasons I bring this up is Scooter is in my ward again. I have to admit, at first I was freaked. But now I think this could be a great thing. For a while there we were good friends, and it’s great to have friends in a new ward.
The thing is, I think Scoot is avoiding me…like the plague. And his methods of avoiding are quiet strange. According to my sources (roommates) he spends an awful lot of time staring at me. Which is funny because when it comes to actually approaching me or gasp talking to me, it’s a no go.
I’m not quite sure what to do. Should I just wait until he approaches me or should I risk a brush off and try talking to him?
O dating life, you exhaust me.
-The Blue Stocking
P.S. Did I mention how much I don't like being ignored.

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