How do you feel about...?

9/18/2012 The Romantic 18 Comments

Years before I left on my mission, I was under the impression that returned sister missionaries were undesirable in the dating world.

But as I transitioned into wards that were a little bit older, I found the exact opposite to be true. Returned sister missionaries were a hot commodity.

Returned sister missionary ='ed guaranteed dates. Not only did they equal dates, they equaled dates with some of the most sought after boys in the ward (and some of the most not sought after boys if we're being perfectly honest here).

But now that I'm home, I just don't know any more. It seems like every guy I talk to has a prejudice against sister missionaries (which happens to be my biggest pet peeve on the planet).

So readers, what do you think?
And guys, would you date an RM, especially if she were *gasp* older than you?

Curiously yours,
the Romantic

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Anonymous said...

I really think it depends on the girl. Some female RMs are weird, some aren't, just like male RMs. My old roommate was an RM and she was going on dates almost every night.
I wouldn't say that female RMs get written off right away because they served a mission...but then again, I'm not an RM so I wouldn't know. I think it just depends on the girl (and what "kind of girl" the guy is looking for).

Kailee said...

I'd think probably yes. I mean, it's the same as with guy RMS. If the girl is weird and all she wants to talk about is her mission, then no. But if she comes back cooler than ever, guys love it! RMs like talking about their missions and who better to talk about it to than another RM? It's automatically something they have in common. I haven't served a mission but this is what I have noticed.

Anonymous said...

It definitely depends on the girl. My brother got married last month to a girl he met in our singles ward back home. She's an RM and older than him. I know he was okay with it, but she was hesitant at first because of the age difference. I think many guys are okay with it, and if not, you can easily find someone who is. After all, this is Provo...

I'm at the point in my BYU career where most RM girls are younger than me anyway. But if I met an RM girl who was older than me, that I wanted to date, and who wanted to date me, I would definitely give it a shot.

I've always thought that in general, serving a mission is a great thing for a girl to do. RM girls are awesome. But I have this nasty habit of wanting to date girls who want to go on missions. So in some respects, I don't like it when girls serve, but that's an entirely selfish reason, obviously.

Eleanor Dashwood said...

Why would a returned sister missionary be undesirable? If I was a man, I would definitely date one.

Anonymous said...

I've always felt (and my mission confirmed the feeling) that the way a male RM feels towards female RMs says a lot more about 1) the way he feels about women and 2) what kind of missionary he was than he probably realizes.

If he's unreasonably (or even casually) biased against sister away. Run far far away.

Fashion said...

Oh Sister haters...don't even get me started. I personally feel like guys are intimidated, but that also might have to do with the fact I am older than them, and honestly I feel weird being older than them. I don't want to be looked at as the sister or the mom.

For some reason this question makes me think of Pride and Prejudice. :) Your mission is part of who you are, and if he is looking for someone smart, fun, with a strong testimony, it'll lead him to you. Don't automatically judge people if they scoff at you going on a mission because, let's be honest, there are a lot of crappy missionaries, men and women alike. Don't let it be a pet peeve of yours, they can sense it and it's a turn off to them, I am sure. Just remember: you aren't defined by going on a mission, it's just a part of you.

If I were a guy, I would love to date a returned missionary, and my *now* husband was looking for one too. Luckily, when we were dating, he thought I was one! ;)

Anonymous said...

I am an RM and my experience dating returned sis is daily neutral. I have had good and bad experiences, just like dating other girls. I do find that they seem to have a more independent spirit and some are less likely to want a serious relationship, but I hope that that is a minority.
With the age issue, I will only have an issue if the RM makes it into one. If she approaches me as an equal and not a child, then I don't think I will have too much of a problem with a girl a couple years older than myself.

Anonymous said...

Silly auto correct, I meant fairly neutral, not daily neutral.

Anonymous said...

I married a RMS who was 4-years older because she is amazing, and I'm so glad those BYU guys didn't impress her.
Mr. Bennett

Anonymous said...

I love Mr. Bennett!

The Romantic said...

Oh thank you dear readers for all of your insightful comments! (I'm a Mr. Bennett fan as well... Have you a son at BYU perchance?)

You've given me much to think about as my 23 year quickly dawns...

Love you all dearly.

-the Romantic

I've never had a problem with dating RM sisters, or with age gaps. In the last month I have been on dates with women varying in age from 19-35. Note: I'm 31.

It's not like a check the birthdate on a drivers license and Church Mission Records before asking a girl out.

I have personal reasons to be wary, I was sealed to an RM Sister who was a couple years older than me. The marriage didn't last, due in part to the very "independent nature" some guys complain RM sisters have.

Would that stop me from dating other RM sisters? Absolutely Not... Everyone is different. If you go and lump potential partners into groups (RM Sisters, Converts, Divorcees, Single Parents) and then swear that some of those groups are "undateable" based on the actions of a few, you are only hurting yourself.

Anonymous said...

Dear the Romantic,

Actually I do, this is his first year at BYU fresh out of HS and he has set no limitations or restrictions on dating. He is normally of the Col. Brandon demeanor who is quite friendly and attentive if interest in getting to know him is expressed :-)

More importantly I have a daughter who we are instilling in her an understanding of her great value that should not be affected or influenced by the whims, insecurities and preconceived notions of young men. I think she understands this as she posted the other day on FB “It is better to be single having fun with friends than in a relationship with the wrong person.”

If you are not getting dates due to you being a return missionary or other misguided assumptions that are far too common among young LDS men lost in their own importance then they are not worthy of your company and maybe someday they will grow up.

My last thought to “Divorced LDS Guy” is if her having an “independent nature” was “in part” the cause of your current status then I think she is much better off.

Mr. Bennett

Divorced LDS Guy said...

Ah... Mr. Bennett, how quick we are to judge. I was being vague as a courtesy, both because I do not believe it is beneficial to disparage an ex, and also because I feel it is especially unfair to do so when she is not present to offer her own views. It is not new to me, divorced men in the Church are always assumed to be the offenders, and rarely does anyone take the time to concern themselves with the details. I have no delusions that I was always, 100% of the time, a "perfect spouse" but sadly, while it takes 2 people working hard to maintain a relationship, one person can choose to end it through their own actions, regardless of the desires or efforts of the offended spouse.

With that under consideration, suffice it to say that her "independence" involved an unrepentant desire to seek out at least one relationship with an individual who was independent from our marital vows, and taking action in line with those desires. My requests, and the Bishop's guidance, that she cease this action, and cut off contact with men outside the marriage, was seen by her as my being selfish and controlling over her wishes to live a more open lifestyle, and were interpreted by her as an attack on her freedom to associate with the persons of her choosing. She always was independently minded, it was one of the things that originally attracted me to her.

Perhaps she does feel she is much better off, her new social group welcomed the changes in her life, and she feels supported in her descisions by those around her.

Unfortunately, the only choice I was permitted to make was where to move after the divorce was granted against my desires... Worst yet, I have had a MUCH more difficult time finding acceptance within the LDS community I decided to remain an active member of. As a divorced single father, who's wife left him, and who is in the "too old" age group, I must be afraid of commitment, addicted to porn, or abusive... I guess there is no possibility for a priesthood holder to have trials in his life unless he somehow "earned" them.

Thanks for condemming me due to my lack of a club jacket. I acknowledge I lost mine, but I would still rather try to find another... I am not one to give up on anything that important, and I know she is still out there somewhere.

Let us be gentlemen and cease this bickering and judgment. If we are all right with God in our own actions, we need not pay heed to the judgments of others.
Mr. Bennett has his jacket, and his children will soon be finding jackets of their own.
Divorced Guy had a jacket, but he lost it. He will find another.
Colonel does not have a jacket, but he will find one.

Life will work out. Keep smiling.

Anonymous said...

My apologies. My comments should have been directed more at what concerned me. The connection of RMS who demonstrate an Independent Nature should not be associated with being part of the reason resulting in the ending of a relationship since they are important attributes in having and maintaining an eternal one. It concerns me greatly and is a "hot button" issue when I see this association used in any negative way by LDS gentlemen since it reinforces an incorrect stereotype and should have stated it as such and left my commentary out as I did not have the particulars. Again my apologies for my lack of decorum.
Mr. Bennett

PS - Col. Your jacket request has been noted and one is on its way and it will be a perfect fit.