Return of The Charmer

4/09/2014 The Charmer 4 Comments

Lovely readers,
Remember me? The one who left behind boys and the rollercoaster ride of Provo dating to try out a different emotional rollercoaster, serving the Lord for 18 months in the foreign land of South Florida?
Well, regardless of whether or not you remember me....I am back! Yes, it is I, The Charmer! I am significantly less self-centered than before (thank goodness) and probably quite a bit less charming with the gentleman, considering the fact that the idea of being alone with them kind of scares me. But still, it's ME! Those 18 months FLEW by. It honestly doesn't feel real that I could be sitting at home. Didn't I just open that big white envelope? Wasn't I just writing on here about all that ridiculous drama with Mr. Director that was my love life? It's crazy and honestly a little heartbreaking how quickly the whole experience went by, but I must say that it truly was the most incredible experience of my life. To be quite honest, my heart is still in Miami!
Needless to say, making the decision to go on the mission instead of sticking around and getting married was the BEST decision I could have made. Florida was exactly where I needed to be. I grew so much as a person and had the opportunity to change a lot of lives; but most importantly, my OWN life was changed so drastically. A mission experience is one of those things you just can't quite explain to someone using words. I wish I could sum up for all of you the many things I learned, felt, and experienced, but there really aren't words that can quite describe it. Those of you who are returned missionaries can understand. As a missionary, you go from experiencing pure, utter joy one moment to crushing, heartbreaking rejection the next. [I guess the emotions of a mission are similar to those in a relationship, but on steroids. Haha.] But through it all, I learned a lot about submitting to the will of God, what faith IS and ISN'T, the process of becoming, and just how aware our Heavenly Father is of each one of us. 

I was SO EXCITED when the age change was announced! (just 3 weeks after I'd arrived in Florida!) I'm sure it's affected a LOT of your lives, which is just so awesome. I was especially happy about it because it means that less girls have to make the painful "marriage or mission" decision that occupied so much of my attention in the months prior to leaving. A mission is SO worth the sacrifice and the time commitment. Hopefully many of you will be able to experience this great blessing.

In other news, I've become one of THOSE RMs...the ones I used to make fun of. (Karma!) I'm super awkward. Yup. I never thought it'd happen, but it did. On top of that, I'm still a little terrified of going on dates or hugging men. I have slowly been taking baby steps and went on my first "kind-of" date 2 Fridays ago (Okay, okay, so it was technically a date....but I'm saying "kind of" because he is just an old friend from high school and neither one of us is interested in each other. It was like a "catch up" session.) I warned him beforehand that I was going to be super awkward...and I was. At the end of the night I wouldn't hug him. I COULDN'T! Oh my. I just couldn't do it. So I shook his hand. It's fine, okay?! He also told me that when I answered the door I looked at him like he was an alien. But he was cool about me being awkward, so that was nice. 
Then last Sunday I took another baby step and gave this kid in the singles ward my number when he asked for it. He and some friends from the ward were planning to hang out that night, but I couldn't go because I was giving a youth fireside where I talked about my mission and preparing to serve. So instead, he and one of the other guys decided to come to my fireside. It was really nice of them, and I appreciated them coming....but oh my, I was dying because the bishop made them introduce themselves (since obviously no one knew who they were). And then after they said they were from the singles ward, the young men's president yells out, "Ooh, she just got back and she's already bringing guys home." Yeah. Remember that one time I just met them today and now they're never going to talk to me again? Pretty sure I was bright red in front of everyone because I was so embarrassed. (Not to mention they happened to sit right behind my DAD, who was definitely enjoying a nice little chat with them...!) It's fine. I'm awkward. I've embraced it. (And luckily, at the time of publication of this post, I have also embraced my fair share of boys. I spent the last week in Utah and even had a few dates thrown in the mix.) I still charming? Will I still have fabulous date stories to share with you? Is there a Mr. Charming in my future? We'll have to see. For now I'm just trying to move forward and figure out what my next step is supposed to be. I promise to keep you updated on those steps, no matter how small they may be.

Oh, it certainly is strange to be home. But it's good. Life is so good, and I'm excited to see what's next on the agenda for me.

the (slightly socially awkward) charmer

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Leslie said...

Welcome back!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I can't believe it's been 18 months! Crazy. Welcome home! Can't wait for more posts!

Anonymous said...

Welcome back!!! And if it makes you feel any better...I had an experience just today that proved to myself yet again that one doesn't need to go on a mission to be completely awkward around guys one is interested in. Hopefully I'll progress as fast as you are :)