'To Thine Own Self Be True"

9/08/2012 The Blue Stocking 3 Comments

We don’t always feature the email we get, but I really enjoyed this question so here it is. Feel free to add your advice to mine.

Hello ladies,

Like any other BYU girl, the beginning of the semester has resurrected my hopes of finding that someone-- or at least, going on some fun dates with some great guys. This has led me to examine the past year of dating famine that I have experienced, and ask myself why. I realized that, for most of this past year, my love life has gone something like this: "He likes me but I like this other guy who likes this other girl." As I have watched (er... that sounds creepy. But there was no stalking involved. Ok, there was, but only minimal Facebook stalking. Everyone does that, right?) these guys date, I have realized that they like and date different kinds of girls than me. How do you attract different kinds of guys? What have your experiences been with being a metaphorical blonde liking a guy who dates brunettes?


Trying To Be My Own Fairy Godmother

First off, yes everyone facebook stalks. That’s why it’s there so everyone can stop trying to argue that they have it to keep in contact with friends from high school (10 bucks says you’d ignore those people if you ran into them at the store).
You attract who you attract. Honestly, if you stop being yourself so you can get a guy, what are you going to do three months down the road when you’re sick of your new found role? I know that’s not the most helpful thing, but really you only want guys who actually like you…because you’re being you.
You mentioned that you seem to have these circular relationships, he likes you, you like someone else, someone else likes what’s-her-face, and what’s-her-face could care less. It’s tragic and obnoxious and a lot of other things, but one day you’ll find that one guy who will like you (read Shakespeare, all of this stuff is in there and that guy could give better advice than me).
I actually have dated a guy who liked different hair than the kind I was blessed with. Because of this, I suffered through months of him telling me how I should fix it. When I think back on that relationship I feel like a fool. Why in the world did I put up with a guy who wanted me any different than I was? Also, my hair's awesome.
All that I’m saying is (warning, we are about to get corny up in here) love yourself enough to hold out for the guy who wants you, not your hair.
But if you don’t wash it, that’s a different story…
Now I know hair was a metaphor for any attribute you currently possess that your crush may not swoon over, but take it from Billy and “to thine own self be true,” so if he’s not looking your way, walk away.
Now if you firmly believe that if he could just look past your blond locks he would love you, then make him look! No trickier, just full out flirting... I hope in your case that isn't the same thing.
If you don’t like this advice and you want to trick a guy into liking you, than by all means stalk him, find out his likes, pretend they’re your likes too, and dye your hair. I’ve done it, it works, and I got bored two weeks later.
Good luck!
-The Bluestocking

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Anonymous said...

Dating is to find out if two people are compatible. So by all means be yourself. 2 B or not 2 B. My wife and I didn't meet until after her BYU and mission days and we've been married for over 2 decades and our son just started at the Y and is going through this. She gave him good advice to not be a Leming or flavor of the semester dateing type. Don't get to Hung up on finding the right person today, but revel in the adventures, and to quote Billy, "Once more into the breach my dear friends, crying for God, St. George & the king." Enjoy.

Mr. Bennett

Eleanor Dashwood said...

I like that we have a Mr. Bennet.

Liz said...

Also a thought, sometimes it's a good idea to consider what attracts us to other people and consider what's really important and what's superficial. I had an instance where there was a really nice guy interested in me (NOT a Mr. Collins...definitely not encouraging Charlotte's settling tactic), and that interest was mutual (INCLUDING physical attraction), but he wasn't like other past interests and I let that get in the way. He was a Mr. Bingley. I thought a Mr. Darcy type was what I should be looking for, which is unfortunate because Mr. Bingley is actually better suited to me, so not understanding that at the time caused me to miss out. Moral of the story: it's always good to assess and try to more fully understand what is actually important most important to us.