I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.

9/28/2012 The Lady 3 Comments

I did not tell The Preacher the truth last Friday night when he dropped me off after our date. After another much-too-long-and-too-tender hug, I just let him walk away, and he was probably thinking that his efforts might be leading to “something.”

But I couldn’t say it. Not then. If this is cruelty, so be it.

At least this time, I blame The Preacher. It is his fault I said nothing. At the very beginning of our date, he commented, “You know, I’m always kind of sad that something between you and Clive didn’t work out. You two were perfect for each other.”

Inside my head I breathed a huge sigh of relief, “So this is a friend date! We’re doing these things as friends! Men don't bring up your old prospects in such a favorable manner (especially their past roommates) unless the two of you are just friends!” We spent some time talking about myself and Clive and the other interests I have in men in the ward. And the rest of the date was just a good time, as I had relaxed under the pretense of this being a date between friends.

I think I may have been wrong. The Clive comment must have been simply in passing with no real meaning (or even honesty) behind it. But that is the reason why I said nothing. I couldn’t have said anything. But I can’t let it happen again. It has to be the end of The Preacher even if our friendship goes with him.

Another dilemma:

Mr. Collins (blast that Mr. Collins!) wrote me on Facebook asking when he could come over to my apartment for a visit. How does one say kindly, “I do not want you to come over, and I would prefer it if you never spoke to me ever again. You creep me out in the worst way imaginable.” Is there any way to say that gently?

May you have better luck than I,
The Lady

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Sarah said...

Okay, good that you're planning to be up front with Mr. Preacher. A little word of warning, if a guy is planning, paying, and pairing off with you, it's not a friend date. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as friend dates. There are friend hang outs. Those definitely exist.

As for Mr. Collins, if he contacted you via Facebook or text, the easiest thing to do is not respond. This sends the message that you are not responding and therefore don't care. If he calls you or runs into you in person, then you could say that you aren't sure because things are busy and you'll get back to him. Then you don't get back to him. These tactics seem appropriate to me only because he isn't asking you on a date. If he were asking you on a date, then it would be the kindest thing to say no, but since he's trying to hang out with you as a friend (or something?) there's no reason to tell him that he's so despicable to you that you wouldn't even consider engaging in friend zone with him. Treat him as you would any unwanted friend or acquaintance; be distant, hard to get a hold of, and...not a friend. Should he try to date you though, just say no.

Good luck! I believe in your ability to spurn the advances of unwanted suitors :)

David said...

I agree with Sarah -- The Preacher wouldn't be asking you on more than one date if he wasn't interested. Guys don't usually voluntarily spend money and time on a girl that he doesn't feel like pursuing.

This is not the first date, so it's obvious that he's at least minimally interested. You need to be honest with him NOW. Don't keep "not saying no." That indirectly leads him on.

Anonymous said...

Do you ever read these posts? Being frank and up front is not mean it is honest. Be nice, firm and respectful but stop. If you are nice and cute the preacher will be hurt why wouldn't he, but that is the way it is. The quicker you do this the faster he will move on and find the right person. Not doing this is a huge disservice to him.

If Mr Collins was not family with his estate entailed to him do you think Mr Bennett would have anything to do with him? NO! So you shouldn't either. Unfriend him, block his number, and if you run into him let him know you have other plans and are seeing other people. If he offends you eliminate the cause, and if he confronts you be blunt or feel free to be miserable until you do.

Mr Bennett