Should I trade in my heels for flats?

10/03/2011 The Blue Stocking 13 Comments

Can you date someone that is the same size as you?

I have never been specific about height and guys, but I have always wanted a guy that was taller than me. Ok fine, I wanted him to be at least two cough cough three inches taller.

Is that too much to ask?

I just want to wear heals!

Well there is a new guy in the ward and I just think he is so great. He is easy to talk to and even though we've only been around each other a couple of times I feel very comfortable with him. The only thing is we are the same height...or at least I hope we are. Dear heavens don't let me be taller than him...

I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter to me that I can no longer wear heels or even have poofy hair while around him, but a part of me really cares.

I love feeling small around the guy I like, I love feeling like he can protect me, and I love feeling like I could get lost in his hugs.

During our conversations I find myself comparing our different sizes. Is his arm bigger than my arm? Is his thigh smaller than my thigh? Is my hand bigger than his hand, does that mean our hands won't fit! {see all romantic novels and songs about the importance of hands fitting}

I really wish I could just stop this nonsense, especially since it's already hard to find good fun guys that I like. And who's to say he even wants to date me? He could be equally turned off about the lack of a height difference. Maybe he thinks I'm a freak for being gasp 5'9''...but I try to not think about things like that.

So am I being silly, or does size matter?

-The Blue Stocking

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Kailee said...

I have a roommate who is a little bit taller and was always saying that she could never date a guy shorter than her. she's dating a guy like two inches shorter than her! So I think if you like them enough, it works. Love is a funny thing ;)

Anonymous said...

As another girl who's 5'9"...I totally get what you're saying! I guess we know that it shouldn't matter--and with the right guy, it probably doesn't. But that's definitely always in the back of my mind when I'm with a guy!

What DO guys think about size?

David said...

As a guy who is 5'10" who has dated girls who are 5'8" or 5'9", it doesn't really bother me. I think it can be kind of intimidating--in a funny way--if a girl wears heels so that she is taller than I. It really depends on the girl.

The one difficulty with a girl my height was when holding hands while walking. I have really long arms, longer than hers, so my arm couldn't quite be fully extended as we walked. It wasn't really an issue, but it deserves to be pointed out.

Oh the height differences. Good times. I'm a guy who is 5'7" . . . okay, 5'6.5" . . . anyways, I'm not exactly tall.

This used to be a huge issue for me and it is cool to see it from the girl's perspective. I used to follow the "date shorter than you rule." It turns out that most of the girls who were 5'4" to 5'0" only wanted to date the basketball height guys. Learning that competing with that kind of height difference, well, sucks, I started focusing on girls close to might height and even taller and what is funny is I am actually having more success. Go figure.

So height definitely is an issue for so many people but I guess through a lot of trial and error I have decided I just don't care anymore and go after what I find is attractive and let the girl decide if I'm too short for her or not.

... Still cannot seem to get past 5'4" girls though :P

Anonymous said...

As a guy who is 5'7", I want to let you know that the height of a man is not the only factor in his ability to protect you. :)

Anonymous said...


Thank you for that insight. I've been following the shorter rule too and I've noticed the same thing regarding the preferences of shorter girls.

~The above anonymous, posting part 2

Anonymous said...

This is the story of my life! I understand completely! I'm a girl who's six feet tall and this dilemma (the hands, the arms, the thighs, the heels) is always running through my head.

Anonymous said...

if it makes you feel any better, my husband is about my height and while I admit to being drawn to flats and tennis shoes anyway, I have a couple pairs of heels that I wear when I'm not with him (like to work) and that gets me by.

He is also quite comfortable with his height and our relationship and so he says it doesn't bother him when I wear heels that make me taller than him.

Anonymous said...

AMEN AMEN AMEN. I am 5'11" and I still love to wear high heels, making me 6'3" or 4". I don't think its too much to ask for a guy who is taller than me and at least my height when I've got the heels I joined tall club.
The end.

Heidi said...

In the past I've had friends who, when I expressed interest in guys who were about my height or only an inch or two taller (I'm 5'7"), they would say "yeah, he's cute, but he's too short." Personally, I never much cared as long as they were at least my height. Taller is nice, but even if a guy is exactly my height, I still feel like I can wear heels if I want. It only adds a few more inches and usually I don't really feel like I'm towering over them. When I wear heels, usually I'm trying to look pretty and cute, and that's how I end up feeling, and I think that's all that matters. If it really bothers you, then find some cute flats (there's plenty of them out there), or even kitten heels might work. Otherwise, I would just focus on the fact that you probably look great in your outfit with heels, and hopefully that will be what the guy will notice too.

Heidi said...

btw, if he's a nice, sweet, fun, good guy, and he likes you and your personality, the height thing probably won't make much of a difference in the end anyway. In the end, whether you get/stay together or not will depend more on how much you enjoy each others company and how well you get along, than what height you are.

Anonymous said...

^This. Go Heidi.

Jessica said...

As a taller girl (6'), It *is* important to me. I'll date someone if they're no more than two inches shorter than me- and I had to make that concession only because there are not nearly enough men of my height or taller (and as someone else observed, the super-tallies always want to date tiny child-sized women. Which I never understood and even find slightly creepy.)

However, I feel (maybe wrongly) like I'm entitled to all these prejudices because I have to deal with all the inconveniences and rough times that come with being a taller girl (like you, I just want to wear heels! The difference is, if you do, you'll still be a normal-ish height. If I do, I'll be Kareem Abdul-Jabaar).

Anyways, all of this is just dancing around the fact that yes, it's totally ok for you to date someone in your height range (and not necessarily taller than you). Give it a few inches either way. Also, it's ok, because I feel so sad for the short men of the world. I've talked to so many that are just bitter about their dating situation and prospects.