Honestly...I'm Annoyed

10/10/2011 The Blue Stocking 7 Comments

Fact: Boys are confusing.

Fact: So are girls...

This week I tried to make the last fact less true. I tried to do something slightly out of character..I was going to be completely 100 percent honest with a guy about gulp my feelings.

It’s not like I lie in relationships, I simply try to get my point across without being unnecessarily cruel. My biggest goal in life is to be as kind as possible and I hate, more than anything, doing something scummy to a guy who likes me.

Ok, now let me tell you how it blew up in my face.

Do you remember The RM {if not click here and here}. Well I thought it was time to tell him that I only liked him as a friend and although I enjoyed talking to him and going on dates I really needed him to cool it on his o so forward ways.

This is what I got back. "I'm not trying to freak you out, honestly it's not like I'm after you, I just consider you a great friend, I'm not like trying to date you or anything."

An interesting statement considering three things he did earlier this week; he told me point blank that his biggest wish was to be in the running to be with me, he told my best friend that he liked me, and his roommate told my roommate that he couldn't stop talking about how much he liked me.

Way to not be confusing

My response, was one of relief where I told him I was so happy that things didn't have to be awkward and I really loved having him as a friend.

The next day he asked me on another date.

WHAT. How does that even begin to make sense?

I'm hoping it's one of those, "friend dates"....wait, you know what, I'm not hoping it's one of those friend dates. If you want me to think you're not after me, stop asking me on dates and calling them dates.

I think what upsets me so much about this is I constantly feel like guys are trying to trick me into relationships: like their pulling one over my eyes. I can't even tell you how many dates I've been on when I didn't know I was on a date until he told me. I'm sure you're reading this thinking who is this dunce, but honestly I'm not some silly fool who doesn't know what's going on. Guys are just too sneaky for their own good!

Another thing that bothers me is I have been told over and over that guys really appreciate honesty: that they honestly want us to tell them if we like them or want to go on another date.

Well I did that and instead of having him be honest back I got to feel ridiculous for assuming he liked me...because he told me he liked me.

So this is the plan, I'm going to believe him. I'm going to go on like he doesn't like me and we're just going to be 'buddies'.

So buddy no more asking me to do very obvious girlfriend things like going to dinner with your family, or taking care of you when you’re sick. I'm done.

Ok, the rants over. I get that he's protecting his feelings, but I hate that in order for him to do that I got to feel like a silly girl.

In the end the only thing I learned form this is that I still have no idea how to tell a guy that I just want to be friends.

-The Blue Stocking

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Colonel Paisley said...

I am indeed thinking, "Who is this dunce?" but not about you. He seems to be very good at manipulating, and frankly, my dear, you want none of that.

If he asks you out again, say no. Don't let him simultaneously protect his own feelings and try to control yours.

Layne said...

From this guy's perspective:
I agree with the Colonel. It's the classic "I have no clue what you're talking about, silly." cover up to try to save his own face.

If anyone is being a "silly girl" here, it's him, not you. Props for putting yourself out there and being honest. Condolences that he is in a state of denial and not ready to accept what is so obviously clear.

So no more dates with him, tell him often that he's "like a brother" to you, mention your suitors, and cut your time down with him to that of a friendship level. If that would be too cruel, then just politely refuse dates.

Remember, he's an RM, right? He should have no problem handling rejection since for the last two years he was rejected on a regular basis and still managed to find happiness... I hope.

Heidi said...

Maybe sometimes it is as simple as saying the words "I just want to be friends". I don't know, maybe that is what you said to him. Anyway, after you say that to him, I would recommend what others before me have said and just politely decline his dates. Whether he likes you or not, or says he likes you or not, you should not have to feel obligated to go on a date with him if it makes you uncomfortable. If you really still want to be friends with him, then maybe only hang out with him in group settings, or something, instead of one-on-one, or on "dates".

themantis said...

This guy should have taken a hint by now, but lets take one more look at it, this time from his perspective- You said, "I enjoyed talking to him and GOING ON DATES...". Why are you mad that he asked you on another date if you told him that you enjoy going on dates with him? If your intention was to stop the dates, you should have told him. You only told half the truth. Please, ladies (and men), if you are going to be honest, tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Michael said...

for some guys its quite impossible to distinguish between friends and "more than friends." I say quit even being his friend. If youre not interested in marrying this guy and you continue to "date," youre wasting your time and his money. It seems mean, but in the end its better for you and him.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Michael. It does seem a little mean. Because it is. Now, I am in no way defending his actions. With all of the flip-flopping he's doing, I'm surprised his pseudonym isn't The Politician. But I don't think it warrants a "You're going through a hard time, like all people do at some point in their lives, so I'm going to completely abandon you" approach.

I want to thank you, Miss Stocking, for being honest with this boy. It is, in general, something that we do appreciate. Keep it up and don't let this experience get you down.

Now, on to the good part. I do agree with those who have said you ought to cut back on your time spent with him and the intensity of the activities. Keep it chill. Dinner with a group of friends. Movies with a group of friends. I think the key here is "with a group of friends" and not "on a group date".

That's just my two cents. Whether it's relationship gold or only worth what you paid for it, that's up to you.

With all the commenting I've done lately, maybe I should post under something other than "anonymous".


Anonymous said...

I was in a similar situation a few years back...kind of. I told him we could only be friends but he kept pushing and now we're not even friends anymore, in fact, I still feel awkward around him even though we're both married to different people.

My advice is much like the others. Cut back on your time with him and send a clear message with actions as well as words. It may preserve your friendship in the end. If you must be around him, try to hang out in a group and not one on one.