Be a man! You must be swift as a coursing river, a great typhoon, or something like that.

10/21/2011 The Lady 11 Comments

This past summer, I had a fetish for blogs. [It's what the cool kids do nowadays]. I made my daily rounds to my favorite sites as though it were an important ritual to accomplish before the end of each day. There was one blog in particular which both tickled and tantalized my teeming, tampering, thinker. [Thinker pronounced as "tinker" in order to get the +5 for alliteration].

The Art of Manliness

The Anti-Austen was my source for dating wisdom and whimsy from my friends [The Romantic, The Charmer, The Bluestocking, etc.], but I continually studied The Art of Manliness in order to more fully understand the finer mechanics of what it takes to be a man, so that I would better know what it is I should be looking for in a "real" manly man.

From The Art of Manliness I learned that manly men run marathons. Not only do they run marathons, but they run marathons barefoot [not with five-fingered flippers for feet {+5}].
Manly men know the proper etiquette of opening doors.
Manly men grow handle-bar mustaches curled at the ends. However, I personally am not a fan of this qualification. From experience I have learned how odd it feels to kiss a mustache, and it is not particularly delightful.
Manly men do their laundry with manly soap.
Manly men are well read in the most manly of classic books.
Manly men know how to coordinate their socks with their attire.
Manly men know how to date women, not merely how to hang out with them.
And most importantly, manly men know how to give a manly handshake.

Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.

The goal of The Art of Manliness is to Revive the lost art of manliness.

Not until I moved to Utah did I realize that I was very nearly completely blind to the fact that there may be a decline in manliness occurring among men. All of a sudden I came across men wearing tighter jeans than I was wearing. I noticed that some men had more product in their hair than I did [and I am a firm believer in product]. In fact today, I was walking behind a boy who's outfit was so similar to my own I felt as though if I cut my hair and flattened my chest, I would have looked the more manly of the pair. [Let it be known that I do not look like a man at all...I don't think...].

The point is, I am tired of wondering who the real men are on campus. It's come to the point where if I see a handsome manly-looking man, I glance at his finger and get automatic adultery points because yes, there is a ring there. Then I will take a glance around to see if I can spot any single manly men. Unfortunately, I am left thinking: A) Either I will be competition for that guy's boyfriend or B) That other guy looks like Justin Bieber and I do not want to marry a sixteen-year-old hipster.

Perhaps I am being too harsh. And perhaps I am so sickened by this sea of skinny jeans that it has turned my brain and I am completely oblivious to the nice, normal looking fellows. And maybe girls don't mind skinny jeans, but I was raised in a place where if your jeans were tight, it was because you were wearing Wranglers and you were about to brand some cows. Forgive my backwoods upbringing, but I am not accustomed to admiring a man's attire because I am considering wearing the same thing tomorrow.

I do want a man who dresses well, in fact I admire that ability, but well does not have to be flashy. There is a definite difference between trendy and sharp. And we all know that women go crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man. I want a man who knows which socks to wear with what, I want a man who knows how to dress up or dress down per occasion, but I also want to be attracted to a man and be certain of his sexual tendencies and maturity.

So my dear men, you may take my post as worth a grain of salt if you choose, and I apologize if I have offended your particular affinity for snug-fitting breeches. But if you agree to be the man, I will agree to be the woman.

Con Amor,
The Coquette

P.S. Please don't overlook Colonel Paisley's post below mine! I have been making lists all afternoon instead of studying for my midterms.

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julsofdenile said...

You are so very true, I have a hard time finding men who take a longer time getting ready than I do in the morning attractive. I mean, when I get married, I don't want to have to fight my husband for time in front of the mirror in the morning. I too come from a place where the only tight pants men wear are Wranglers and there is something comforting in knowing that the guy I'm with isn't more feminine than me... Where have all the manly men gone?

anna said...

I definitely believe that the most manly of men have beards. BYU is in dire need of more beards.

I enjoy reading posts such as this. I'm always looking to better myself, so I find it interesting (one might even say helpful) to hear what the women of BYU believe manliness truly is. I say, if you feel so inclined, keep posts like this coming.

The Coquette said...

Featherstone McGee, if you would be so kind as to email the Anti-Austens, I would greatly appreciate it.

-The Coquette

jenerator said...

I ADORE AoM. Give me a manly man, or give me death!

Lizzy said...


I do find it ironic that the symbol of Sharp Dressed Manly Men chosen by The Coquette is Cary Grant, who used to bat for the other team. It's terribly discouraging.

Joel Herrey said...

Manly man in all honor, but does he have to be so old fashioned?
Reading the Anti-Austen makes you wonder if there is something wrong with you when you look yourself in the mirror and realize that you are not Black and White (as all the other pictures of men on this blog seems to be..) :P

Trisha said...

I completely agree.

The Coquette said...

Dear Fans,
I am sorry for the black and white pictures...there are colored pictures of Cary Grant, but I think black and white flatters everyone. Maybe life should be black and white.

Shelbaroonian, Sorry to burst your bubble, but Cary Grant never did bat for the other team. He's been batting for the right team all along. He often gets confused with Rock Hudson, who did indeed bat for the other team and died of AIDS. If Cary Grant had homosexual tendencies, he never told me about it. So I am still floating in my sheltered bubble.


Anonymous said...

Yes, Cary Grant most definitely was on the right team.

I also feel compelled to share my requirements for manliness (which you may have seen before)-