In the Middle of Uncertainty

9/06/2011 The Charmer 3 Comments

Caught in the middle of uncertainty.

Now that is a phrase that definitely sums up my love life in a nutshell.
I spent some time with Masimo last night and I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, there's something there that wasn't there before.
Name that movie. (It's one of my favorites.)
But then I went on a date with The Dentist on Saturday (he should probably be moved up on The List from "Almost Made a List" to "Definitely Interested") and I think I might really like him. And now I have a date on Friday with a new guy in the ward, Piano Man, and he's a really fun guy, too. What's a girl to do?!

Apparently, however, I'm not the only one unsure about how to approach the many twists and turns my dating life throws at me. A reader sent in this email asking for advice:

A letter to the Anti-Austens.
I didn't see it coming but indeed my curiosity propels me to ask you ladies. I was surprisingly caught in a situation where mind and body had no knowledge of what to do.

What do you do/say when on a first date (not even, just a simple Sunday walk!) the guy informs you that he has a good feeling about you? He essentially mentions meeting and trying to find interest in many girls, but he has a good feeling about you.

And you think he is a great guy, and you have a good time with him, but there are none of those sparks, butterflies, lightnings as commonly referred to in the Anti-Austen blog posts. You have no such feeling. He does. And he tells you.
Anti-Austens, help a loyal follower out?? Thank you much.
-Caught in the middle of uncertainty

Oh, Miss CMU, that is a tough one. Talk about an awkward situation!

This actually reminds me of something that happened to me my sophomore year here at BYU. I'd gone on a couple dates with this guy, and even though he was nice, I was not interested in him at all. Anyways, he came to my door one day, asked if I'd step into the hall to chat with him, and proceeded to tell me that I was "one of the most beautiful and amazing girls he'd ever met" and that he "wouldn't be opposed to a relationship with me."

Nothing quite like that had happened to me before. So, I think I just stared at him with a shocked/frightened/confused expression on my face. And maybe that stare gave my feelings away, since he quickly asserted that he'd be okay if we were "just friends."
Unfortunately, I don't think things usually work out that easily. Most guys won't suddenly drop their ambitions and agree to be "just friends."

First off, let me point out that it's extremely awkward for both of you that he delved into his feelings on the first date. Guys--don't do it. Please.

Okay. Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about your options.
Option A. Maybe he'll grow on you. Maybe there will be lots of sparks and lightning and butterflies but they just haven't happened yet. Maybe you just need to give him a chance.
Option B. You can run far, far away to the distant land of Wales and hope that he doesn't follow you.
Option C. You can be honest with him. Tell him what you told me--that he's a great guy and that you have a good time with him, but at this point you really don't see your relationship with him progressing.

I think most of the gentlemen who read this blog would agree that C is the best option. I've had guys tell me time and time again that they want honesty from us girls--they would much rather have us tell them how we actually feel than lead them on. Please guys...back me up on this!

Tell him that you're flattered he thinks so highly of you. But if you really don't see it going anywhere, then you also need to tell him that. I think he'll appreciate that you respect him enough to tell him how you feel instead of taking the easy road and just pretending to be interested when you really aren't.
Yes, I know it's hard. Yes, I know it totally sucks to break guys' hearts. Remember, I had to have this conversation just last week! But I was so glad afterwards that I told YogurtBoy I wasn't interested. Honestly, it was a huge relief. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest.

Best of luck to you, Miss CMU. Let us know how this one pans out.

Best wishes,
The Charmer