We schemed a scheme in days gone by.

9/16/2011 The Lady 12 Comments

Dear Ladies and Gents,
Scheming, proves to be one of the most productive of activities.

The Charmer, The Bluestocking, and myself deduced that perhaps adding another {yes another} member to our entourage would prove both entertaining and fruitful. So we bring to you with delight {as well as suspense at what will transpire in our blog}, a man. Yes, a man. An agreeable chap who is well read and a good conversationalist {and quite dashing if I may say so without breaching the bounds of propriety}. I believe that he will bring an incredibly unique flavor to the blog which the rest of us cannot provide {the reason being we are not men}. He has decided on calling himself "The Fox" not for his looks, but rather for his cunning nature. I suppose we will see how cunning he proves to be. So please enjoy his first post.

Con Amor,
The Coquette

Greetings from Provo Utah. Where the most common end to an introduction you will hear is the relationship of another status. There is no place in the world like Provo. At least I hope that there is no place in the world like Provo. The frustration that is intrinsic to a life of celibacy drives even the most sane of people to madness. The thought of shedding the monk-like vow of chastity we take on ourselves is almost maddening. One would believe that a religiously driven society that teaches abstinence before marriage would be less inclined to an obsession with the opposite sex, yet as Provo proves it is the exact opposite.

Indeed I myself am a victim to this rampant and consistent obsession with the opposite sex. Dating seems to rule the rest of one's life. It seems to outweigh school, friends, and even Facebook. In nearly every facet of society people talk about the progression of ones dating life. It sickens me.

Almost paradoxically the only time that one can evade the constant barrage of questions regarding the opposite sex is when one finds himself on a date. Thus dating becomes an outlet to avoid the very topic that he is currently doing, which is dating. It is an addicting experience and it is easy for that to be that way. It feels good for an individual to agree to go on a date with you. It feels splendid to receive affirmation from individuals. However, as of recent times I have become completely dependent upon the opinions of those who I date. My self affirmation is thus destroyed and in its stead is the affirmation of the women you date, which is never as satisfactory as those words which you sincerely give yourself. This is a very complex blog.

I have come to praise those who do not search for such an outlet. My friend is a prime example. He has not gone on a date in an extended period of time. this is not out of an inability to date but rather it is out of an inability to find any substantial and worthwhile girl in California, which for those of us who have lived in California understand how difficult it is to find someone of the opposite sex who is worthwhile. Despite of the proverbial desert that he finds himself in, he is managing to do things of far more value than I myself am doing at the present moment. He is coaching a swim team. He is reading books of philosophy. He has started a successful band. Indeed he is grooming himself to be a renaissance man. In contrast to that I am grooming myself to only be a groom. After this I will not understand what I need to do.

I see a psychologist every once in a while. We had a discussion about exactly this. She told me that I needed to expand my life. I agreed. Thus for the past month that is what I have been doing. I have been focusing on dating myself. It has been a great experience. I will tell you that there is nothing more enjoyable than coming to the realization that you like yourself.

For instance, I have recently heard rumors about one date from my past that went awry. It was a hard pill for me to swallow. I thought the date went well and I thought that I treated my date with civility and courtesy but I guess that I was sorely mistaken. The girl reported that I was a jerk and a completely conceited individual. While I am quite certain that this is simply sour grapes from not being asked out on a second date, the words cast by this individual are as sharp as ever. I have a profound amount of respect for her and who she is and to hear that her feelings towards me are not mutual is something that really hurts. It was at this moment that I needed to step back and ask myself, "Will I allow myself to be torn down by the opinion of someone else or will I decide to step back and examine the situation myself?" I have tried to do the latter and I believe that it is working. No man can be completely certain however.

I had a conversation with my friend from The Chocolate regarding this very issue. She is currently going through the same experience that I am, but in a far more intense situation. She is the victim of a bitter divorce and is experiencing the feelings that would be associated with going through a divorce. When such a thing transpires it is easy to feel worthless. It is simple to cave in and come to the conclusion that what is stated about you from others is valid. However, this woman is a complete inspiration to me. She remains steadfast. She is learning how to step outside her natural self. It is wonderful and splendid to see. I am very proud of her and will attempt to emulate the things that she does.

Well that is my little soapbox for the day.

The Fox

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Katrina said...

Welcome to the Anti-Austen, Fox. :-)

Leslie said...

i just want to say thank you for this post! i've been feeling the same recently. i just went through an emotional break-up, and i found out on monday, that my ex has moved on. i've gone on dates with maybe three guys since we broke up in May, and i'm feeling a little undesirable. it doesn't help that all my closest friends are in serious relationships.

i forgot how to happy and single, so thank you for this reminder!

Anonymous said...

I feel like I've read this before on a different blog or something...

Anonymous said...

I feel like your message was completely lost in superfluous words.

Anonymous said...

I love the Anti-Austens, but this guy is a bloody fool.

Anonymous said...

who is this guy and why do i feel like he has NO POINT??

Alexa said...

I think this guy is great and very honest. Why do I feel like "Anonymous" is the same person just commenting every few hours? Annoying...

Sarah Holden said...

Well said, Fox. Very well said.

A fellow (male) reader of philosophy said...

Your premise, dear Fox, is irrefutable: the easily-mocked, nothing-short-of-ridiculous Provo dating scene is, indeed, a reality.

But after odd, ambiguous meanders, you reach no conclusion at all, simultaneously suggesting that dating is an unnecessary distraction AND an important, though difficult, experience.

Since you lauded your friend's forays into philosophy--a laudable activity indeed, though one that in no way precludes dating--here's a tidbit from Allan Bloom's analysis of the inherent tension in modern relationships:

"In the tighest communities, since the days of Odysseus, there is something in man that want out and senses that his development is being stunted by being just part of a whole, rather than a whole itself. And in the freest and most independent situations men long for unconditional attachments."

The paradox, of course, is that the introspective hermitage, while initially fulfilling, leads us to recognize our own incompleteness and long for something beyond ourselves, a necessary part of which is dating.

Rather than hunker down in the bomb shelter--protecting your life but forgetting what makes life worth living--maybe you should look the beast in the eye and conquer it, continuing to read Rousseau, a romanticist himself, in your spare time.

DeepTweets said...

Dear anonymous #1
This is why: http://romsgreetingsfrom.blogspot.com/2011/07/mondays-at-choclate.html
This was the self-proclaimed mr. darcy who made advances on our dear anti-austens during the summer. I had the same suspicions about having read these words before. At least he spell checked "awry" and "courtesy" before appearing before us officially. And look, there are line breaks too!
Any man who thinks "ari" and "curtasy" are words, is not the man for the anti-austen.

DeepTweets said...

Also, mr. fox, "cock block" and "retard" seem inappropriate terms to be used colloquially by any person who considers themselves worthy of the company of the anti-austens. If you disagree, I may lose faith in this blog altogether.
The evidence: http://romsgreetingsfrom.blogspot.com/2011/09/searching-for-story.html

Anonymous said...

I'll admit it: I've only had one 'real' boyfriend. But even he called it 'unofficial'. I'm still getting over him, really, to be honest. And the break up was over a year ago. Yikes, I know. Combine this fact with two others, that yesterday I turned 20, and all of my roommates go on twice as many dates as I do, I've been wondering (in the dim recesses of the back of my mind of course) whether there is something wrong with me. I decided that there really isn't anything I can do about it, and so I'm learning to love myself. I'm listening to my inner dialogue, because I wish a man would hear me for who I am. I'm reading because I dearly love a well-read man. I'm laughing because I want a happy lover. I really have been enjoying this semester because of this, but lately I've been wondering if I've been too reclusive and selfish. Reading your post helped me to realize that I think not. I've enjoyed the past six months with myself. I'm not a hermit; I love people! But I'm becoming my own friend. I'm grateful for this, and although I have a long way to go, I have hope, and my heart is actually opening to love again. Little by little, I'm blooming. Sorry for the long comment, but I believe in sharing if only for the selfish reason of how satisfying it is to talk about it all.