To Me He Doth Not Stink and I Doth Love Facial Hair

9/01/2011 The Lady 2 Comments

Remember how I so suddenly and determinedly scratched Mr. Military from my list of eligible bachelors? All for the sake of my love affair with reading. My dramatic half {the coquettish half} wishes to take that back and the other half of me {the more logical half} screams at me to let it be.

Mr. Military brings out all that is flirty and purely coquettish about me. Whenever he sees me, he gives me one of those hugs that make you feel warm and safe. The fact that he has massive militarized muscles plays a large part in
that feeling of protection. They {his muscles} as well as his friendly nature do not allow him the convenience of giving half-hearted/flimsy hugs.

And whenever he hugs me, he'll turn his head and whisper to me in a low voice to tell me he loves of the way I smell. "That's cheating," he croons seductively. And I'll turn my head and whisper something flirtatious to him. All the while dangerously close to kissing him. It would be so easy. It is taking every ounce of my desire for Reformation to keep me from doing so. "But as for myself, to me he doth not stink."

And now for a few words concerning facial hair.

There is much to love and yet also so much to hate.

Good Stache.

Bad Stache.

Kissable Beard.

Brigham Beard.

Having my fair share of brothers, I know all too well that there is a fine line between good facial hair and bad facial hair.

Let's keep it simple. Gentlemen, stay away from mustaches altogether. They make most men look like A) Rapists or B) General Creepers. So unless you bear a striking resemblance to Tom Selleck or Clark Gable, it would be best to shy away from growing hair in profusion on your upper lip.

But ladies and gentleman, The Beard is my new love. I discovered his wonderfully scruffy face in my Philosophy class this Tuesday. The Beard's beard is simply luscious. {Don't worry he has a Beard card. He's no rogue beard herder}. I find it hard concentrating on my teacher's rambling when there is The Beard's beautiful bristles to get lost in.

Now that is a good beard. I bet he doesn't stink either. Now that I mention it, Mr. Military's scruff is tantalizing as well....


The Coquette

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A Mitton said...

I have always maintained that Tom Selleck and Clark Gable are the only attractive mustached men.

Summer said...

Hahaha, I love this post! And I totally agree with you about mustaches. *Shudder*