Holding Hands

3/06/2011 The Romantic 4 Comments

Guitar Hero and I were watching a movie with a couple of his room mates. I think this is important to note because usually there's a whole crowd of people at his apartment, so this was different. We were sitting all cozy on the couch, arms and legs touching, as usual whenever I'm over. He wasn't acting any differently than normal. He's a bit of a touchy feely guy; so as I mentioned before, I'd pretty much given up on anything happening between us.

I got cold, so I asked for a blanket. He then, promptly grabbed one and put it over the both of us. I was still sitting with my arms crossed because of how cold I was.

And then, I thought I felt the faint touch of his pinkie on my thigh. Was he touching my leg???

But I got scared. One of my biggest fears was that this whole thing as all been in my head; that every signal I've been reading is nothing more than a misread gesture. From somewhere deep within, I gathered the courage to put my hand on my thigh.

And then, the magical moment happened when we touched pinkies. I felt slightly juvenile. I've never had so much build-up to a hand holding before. It was barely a second after we'd touched pinkies before he just grabbed my entire hand and began tracing the palm of my hand up to my finger tips and back down again. I snuggled into his side deeper. He would put his hands on my knees from time to time. He was no bad cuddler.

Fast forward to Saturday. I didn't hear anything at all from him. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zero.... He did stop by our apartment to play the guitar for awhile. And we talked about nothing while I'm sure my room mates speculated wildly about what we were saying through the window. But we only talked of homework and the weather. Confused much? Me too.

I consider holding hands a pretty big deal. I know it doesn't mean we're dating. And that's fine. But I expected some sort of acknowledgment.

Last night, my roomies and I went over to watch another movie. He and I sat by each other. But it was completely different than it had been the night before. I leaned on him a little bit, but got nothing back. So I didn't push it.

I'm deeply worried I've made a huge mistake. Am I about to get my heart broken yet again? Will my hopes get dashed right when they had been raised to such high heights?

cordially,
-the Romantic