A Charming Holiday

2/14/2012 The Charmer 7 Comments

I am just overflowing with excitement because today is one of my favorite holidays…


And I don’t care if it’s really just a Christianized Pagan fertility festival. I LOVE it! I, like the Blue Stocking, agree that the feeling of love in the air is infectious. I’ve always been a fan of Valentine’s Day. When I was younger, I loved getting to pick out the perfect card for each one of my classmates (usually from the boxes of valentines my mom had purchased at half-price the previous February 15th). I loved having class parties. I loved trying to “read between the lines” to figure out if the cards that were sent to me by the boys in my class had any hidden connotations. I always just get so excited about this holiday! We actually have a picture of me from the 4th grade opening my valentine cards with gloves on. The gloves were necessary in case I got any from secret admirers—I wouldn’t want my fingerprints smudging up their fingerprints, making it impossible to detect who they might be from. (One of my career ambitions as a 4th grader was to be a spy, so I of course had a spy/detective kit that came with fingerprint powder.) I can still remember the first time I really got dressed up for Valentine’s Day—it was in the 5th grade, and a boy named Elliott told me I looked nice. I think it was the first time a boy had ever said something like that to me, and I loved it (especially since I had a huge crush on him).

The past two years I actually spent Valentine’s Day with The Ex. Ironically enough, our anniversary (x2) was February 13th. The first time we started dating, it was on February 13th. Sevenish months later we broke up, but then started dating again on February 13th. This year I’m single on Valentine’s Day, but I still love the holiday just as much. I still got all dressed up. I’m still eating boatloads of candy. I’m going to the Cannon Center later tonight with my brother. It’s a FABULOUS day!

Actually, I’ve been feeling fabulous for a while now! Despite the fact that I am disgustingly sick, I’ve been in such an elevated mood. The arc of my mood and my thought process in regards to Mr. Director during the first week looked like this:

Wednesday, Feb 1st (the breakup day): A bit sad, but doing okay because I am feeling very much in love and confident that we will get back together!
Thursday, Feb 2nd: Feeling great! I am madly in love and I KNOW that we will be getting back together!
Friday, Feb 3rd: Starting to feel lonely and definitely missing him as I realize I don’t get to talk to him anymore.
Saturday, Feb 4th: Starting to really miss him. By the end of the day, I start feeling irritated about the break.
Sunday, Feb 5th: Irritation bordering on anger. I’m MAD about this break and what he’s putting me through. Feelings of bitterness manifest themselves.
Monday, Feb 6th: Still feeling bitter and angry, mainly because I’m worried the break could turn permanent.
Tuesday, Feb 7th: Starting off the day with a tad of irritation that calms down and smooths out over the course of the day. Blogging about it helped me to calm down a little bit. I start actually considering what he might be going through, especially after a well-placed comment on the blog makes me realize that maybe he’s not just living it up and enjoying the single life.

And that was only the first week! Gah! What a girl I am!
Anyways, that’s where you last found me. By Wednesday, I was feeling okay about things, but it was mainly due to a feeling of resignation. However, a week later, I’m doing great! Sure, it might have been because this grand holiday was approaching. But I also decided that I really just needed to trust Mr. Dir and stop worrying so much. If he thinks the break will help him, then I should just let him do his thing. His sister, The LimeGreen Goddess, suggested that I make a paper chain and add a chain every day with a reason why I love Mr. Dir just to get me thinking positively about all this. I of course took her suggestion, and I think it has been good for me.

My elevated mood is also probably due to the fact that I finally closed the door with The Ex—for real this time. He has played a key role in my moods and my actions for 2 years now, and I didn’t realize just how much I was still holding onto him. But on Friday night, I finally let him go. It was surprisingly hard. Afterwards, I went home and cried with my roommate. I really loved him, and I think that we both still had a piece of us that thought We might work out! Since Friday, though, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I really just feel free. I didn’t realize how much my relationship with him was holding me back. I feel very much at peace with my decision and I know it was the right thing to do. So ever since Friday night, despite the fact that I am coughing up a lung every 5 seconds, I have been in SUCH a giddy mood!

Well, I just want to wish all of you the happiest Valentine’s Day! If you don’t have plans, make some! Find something fun to do with your friends. Make a card for an unsuspecting neighbor. Take a break from writing that paper and make yourself some hot cocoa.

I love you all!! Thanks for your uplifting comments and your prayers.

Oh, and if your boy got you roses, don’t get mad at him for being “cliché.” Roses are actually one of my favorite flowers. (Although I do prefer pink or orange roses to red ones.)

The Charmer

PS- Today when I came in to work I had Valentine’s presents from TWO boys waiting for me! And one of them was from Mr. Dir! And in the included note, he told me to look up this song
Could be a good sign, yes?

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The Skeptic said...

I'd take the song as a good sign. Good stuff, love. And moving on. And all that. Maybe someday for me, too.

The song is a good sign. And I would consider your recent [<5 minutes] Facebook activity an even better sing.

An even better sign! Ugh, I swear I can type.

Brogan said...

I think that the song is definitely a great sign!!!

Also, who knew Darius Rucker was black!? I never would have guessed haha

Samanila said...

I feel like your post will make this song very popular on itunes. and darius rucker a very happy man. i hope you turn out to be a happy girl! this story definitely needs a happy ending!

also, this song. basically the best sign you could ask for.

The Lady said...

Freedom! I am so happy for you! Isn't that feeling so relieving?! I still can't get over it. Happy Valumtimes!

Anonymous said...

Lady: Glad I'm not the only one who says "Valumtimes". Haha!

Charmer: Great post. It was interesting to see your feelings on a timeline. Makes me feel a bit more normal. Hope things go well!