The Ex Files

11/22/2011 The Charmer 8 Comments

Before I jump into my story, just the tiniest bit of business to get out of the way.
First off, I hope you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving! Eat a lot, spend time with fun people, and please, be safe in your travels. I'll be going home tomorrow and I'm thrilled. I haven't gone home for Thanksgiving since I came out to BYU and so this is quite a monumental occasion.
Oh and Mr. Director is coming with me.
(It's the crucial "Can-I-spend-14-hours-in-a-car-with-you" and the "How-do-you-interact-with-my-family" tests all rolled into one week. Poor Mr. Dir.)
Tee hee.

Secondly, I would like to apologize to Featherstone McGee and his lovely date for appearing to be a total date stalker, or as he politely termed it, the "Guardian Angel of Dating." I promise I wasn't trying to creep on you and I don't actually follow you everywhere you go, even though it might appear that way. Promise.

Okay. Story time.
...............................

I haven't really written much about The Ex on this blog. By the time I started writing here, that story was pretty much a closed book (or so I thought). It had ended about 4 months earlier, and so even though I've alluded to him a few times, I never felt like diving in and giving you the heart-wrenching details. Better to put your past behind you, right? (Or as Puumba of Lion King fame would say, "You've gotta put your behind in your past.")

Anyways, the story of The Ex is much too long to ever give you the full account. It literally takes me an hour to tell. And no, that is not a joke. I'll give you the Cliffnotes version:

The Charmer dated a very nice boy for a very long time. Things were going very well. The Charmer and said boy talked a lot about getting married.
This nice boy had a tragedy occur. Things were very difficult for him and for The Charmer as well.
The nice boy and The Charmer took a break so that the boy could figure things out.
Sadness ensued.
The Charmer and the nice boy started seeing each other again and decided to get back together.
The boy decided that he still needed to get things straightened out in his life and that he was not ready to let The Charmer back in.
Extreme sadness ensued. The Charmer was not herself for a very long time.
The next year, the boy and The Charmer gave it another try. The boy seemed to be okay and nearly back to normal. The Charmer really wanted things to work out.
The two dated for a few rocky months. Things were rough, mainly because the boy didn't treat The Charmer as well as he had the first time around.
The boy decided he didn't love The Charmer and didn't want to be dating her anymore. He broke it off again.
The boy became The Ex.
Nursing a fractured heart, The Charmer tried to cautiously re-enter the dating scene but was instead thrust into it headfirst by the emergence of far too many boys who were suddenly interested.
Very shortly after this episode of heartbreak, The Charmer began writing on a wonderful dating blog and her dating life began to amuse and inspire strangers.
THE END (?)

I was, naturally, dealing with some very hurt feelings during the first few months of writing on this blog. It didn't help that I was literally running into The Ex on a weekly basis (actually more like an "every-other-day"ly basis). We got to the point where we were okay talking/being in the same room, which was a good thing since we were ending up at the same parties. Obviously, seeing him was still weird. But it was a sort-of-okay weird.

And then came the day when we finally reached the point where we were really friends. The awkwardness was gone. The bitterness had evaporated. I ran into him on the Saturday following the Piano Man kiss. He was heading to lunch and so I joined him. It was wonderful! We talked and laughed and had a good time and I could tell he was finally himself again. I realized that I had finally reached the point where I didn't "long" to be with him. He had just become a good friend whom I could confide in and talk to about my life; I told him about Masimo and Piano Man and he gave me advice. It was such a relief to know that the hurts inflicted on both sides had been healed. Then, because of a random turn of events, I actually ended up at his house for dinner as well. He said a couple of odd things to me, like "We should do something again" and told me I looked pretty, but I didn't think much of it. I figured it was nothing.

A couple weeks later, after I'd just started dating Mr. Director, The Ex asked if I would be willing to go with him to pay a special visit. I was touched that he'd asked me, since I knew this was very important to him and it involved the very difficult events of last summer. We went, and afterwards we ended up just sitting and talking for about three hours. It was a really good chat. So good, in fact, that I found myself wanting to keep talking. That day, I realized that next to my best friend, The Ex really knows me better than anyone else in the world.
There was something very familiar and reassuring about sitting there in the autumn sunshine with him. I discovered that afternoon that the door marked "The Ex" wasn't quite as closed as I had previously thought...and I could tell that he felt it, too.

Anyways, I decided that I couldn't dwell on thoughts of The Ex. I was, after all, dating a wonderful boy and I was (am) very interested to see where it goes. I talked to The Ex semi-frequently after that Saturday, and he even came over to my house once to pick up a very belated birthday present for his brother. Sometime in the midst of all this, he let me know that he wanted to talk to me about something. Now, because I know The Ex so well and I like to think that I have a bit of a 6th sense about boys, I was fairly certain I knew exactly what this conversation would be about.

I agreed to meet up with him one day and discovered that I had been right. Basically, the gist of what he told me was that he felt terrible for the way he had treated me the second time around, I'd been there through some very hard times and he really appreciated that, and he still had feelings for me. He told me that if things didn't work out between Mr. Director and myself, he would be interested in trying to pick things up again.

I'd been worried that this was the direction the conversation would take. But then, he surprised me. He looked at me and said, "Honestly, Charmer...you're still the love of my life."

Wow. I was not expecting that.

He asked for my feelings on the matter and I told him that I was committed to Mr. Director and that I felt very good about how our relationship was progressing. I admitted that I wasn't as over him (The Ex) as I had originally thought but that I wasn't sure if I'd actually want to try and date him again. I also informed him that if things didn't work out with Mr. Dir, I would be going on my mission [which has been the plan ever since I was the ripe age of 5. Boys keep popping in and trying to change that] and so that he (The Ex) shouldn't get his hopes up.

And that was that. I haven't seen him since; Mr. Dir and I both agreed that it's probably best if I don't see a lot of The Ex. After all, I need to get over him, right? It's been interesting; I really thought that I was over him. When things are going really well with Mr. Dir, The Ex doesn't even cross my mind. But then there are times when things with Mr. Dir aren't so great, like last week, and my mind starts to stray back to The Ex. I think it's just because The Ex is so familiar; he did encompass a year and a half of my life, after all. They always say that "old habits die hard," and so I think that's the only real problem. It also doesn't help that I really care a lot about him as person and a friend, and I want him to be happy. However, I'm almost certain that I don't want to try things with him again. We already did the whole date/break-up/date/break-up thing; it didn't work. Besides, I'm not even attracted to him anymore.

So why can't I get rid of these last little shreds of Ex lovin'? Do you think this is something I should be concerned about? For those of you who have had similar experiences, how long did it take before those feelings went away?

Sigh,
The Charmer