The words of woo-dom?

11/03/2011 The Lady 8 Comments

I turned sixteen many years ago, and on that fateful day, I entered into the world of dating. [Though for a couple of years my dates were limited to Prom and Homecoming.] I, nevertheless, have had many experiences with men that have caused my eyes to widen with surprise. Being the sort of friendly and open person that I am [especially with men] I have often been the recipient of many unnecessary, laughable, and even undesirable comments. Please allow me to list several of my favorites.

Number One: While riding about town in a jeep on a date, my hair was whisked about my face by the brisk night air. As I whimsically exclaimed my frustrations with my hair, my date turned to look at me and laughed, "Yeah, you have perfect porn star hair."

Number Two: After becoming considerably more acquainted with a certain gentleman, he explained to me, "At first I thought you were really weird. Like some environmentalist, hippie, intellectual." [Which I am not].

Number Three: "Coquette, my dad named our dually truck after you. It's because you have hips."

Number Four: "You are looking particularly attractive today Coquette. Like really spiritual or something. I mean really I can see the light of the gospel radiating from you!" [That's just weird to say].

Number Five: While on a first date, I was sharing a little bit about myself, namely the fact that in high school I played soccer as well as was greatly involved in dance. My date looked me over and said, "Oh, that's why your legs are so big!"

Apparently, there is a large sign on my forehead that blares: "Baggage". The interesting thing about these comments are that I dated three out of five of them. Something about them worked on me...I wonder why that is. I guess I can rest safely knowing that these comments were not the things that won me over.

In other unrelated news, The Blue Stocking and I have discovered the secret to finding husbands.

We were purchasing bags of chocolate-covered cinnamon bears at the Candy Counter when we noticed the ring on our cashier's finger. The Blue Stocking commented on the beauty of the ring, and we were given the Reader's Digest version of this lovely person's love story. Then she whispered to us her secret:

"I was preparing to graduate from BYU without getting married," she said, "and somehow I was completely fine with that. And then out of the blue when I had just gotten the idea out of my mind, he showed up!"

And that is the secret.

Forget about it. Let it go. Focus on something else. Like school, or the gospel, or foreign politics, or the philosophy of Jacques Derrida....

So next time the moon is full, I am going to meet at the Brigham statue in front of the ASB with my incense and my dead man's toes and yell my declaration into the night.

"I am okay with not getting married! I am going to graduate from Brigham Young University without a husband, and I am happy!"

I fully expect to see you all there.

Con Amor,
The Coquette

P.S. Mr. Collins somehow tricked me into another date.
I will give you the gory details next week after the dreaded
event happens. [I honestly don't know how he got me!]

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8 comments:

Thursday, November 10 at 8:16pm

Shall we make it a pot-luck?

This Mr. Collins is a rather sneaky fellow indeed.

Not to double-post, but I just did a search for Mr.-Collins-related posts.

Oh boy.

I sincerely hope that it goes much smoother than the last one did.

first off - i love you and this blog. the end.

second - i graduated from BYU (2.5 years ago) without a husband.

Thirdly - I thing i might have to agree with the candy counter lady. while I'm not in a SERIOUS relationship (yet) my current young man in my life (dare I say he might be my mr. darcy?) totally came out of the blue when I was least expecting it. so...perhaps she's right?? we shall see! keep up the great posts. I love it.

Anonymous said...

I definitely thought (or hoped) you were going to say the secret to finding husbands was simply chocolate-covered cinnamon bears and I, as a future husband (in theory..), was ready to wholeheartedly agree with you. I mean, it's got to be a good start, right?

Anonymous said...

Isn't it funny how that idea keeps popping up? It's something I feel like I have to be reminded about EVERY DAY. And while it gets frustrating, I'm hoping someday it'll sink in how truly great life is, with or without a husband at graduation. I know that someone will come along eventually--what's the point in stressing out about it now?

jenerator said...

Featherstone, I am liking your pot luck idea.
Name the time and I am THERE.

It's true. The secret is really not caring at all.

When I started at BYU I was determined not to get married or engaged because I was waiting for my best friend to get home from her mission (she was the one who convinced me to transfer). I had a whole semester to not form any serious relationships so I could still room with her when she got home.

One month into the semester I met and started dating my husband so that original plan never worked out. =P

I did have one semester to room with my friend before getting married though so its all good. :)

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