The Anti-Austen: The Closer

Showing posts with label The Closer. Show all posts

Oh lovely readers. Have you wondered where I fell off the earth and died to? I would like to think that you have been chomping at the bit to know what the updates are from where we left off with Mr. Manager

Well, if you must know... I haven't been around because I have been busy falling in love! Dating Mr. Manager has been one of the best choices that I have ever made. Ladies, I'm telling you, not dating a man because he is shorter than me was a silly decision. I would not trade him for any tall man in the world.

I've found out a little more about what was going on in his mind when I was wondering why he was tossing rocks at my window, or making comments about marriage. As it turns out, he always found himself a little confused at his desire to be around me all the time, and at the fact that I was always on his mind. The thought had crossed my mind to ask me on a date at various points, but I had made all too many comments early on about how we could never date because of the height difference. (Doh! If I'd have only known.) I finally made enough sideways comments and suggestions about that no longer being the case that he decided to ask me out.

Truth be told, I think the timing of it all was perfect. I think I needed to only see him as a friend, so I could trust the way I felt about him. And I needed to take the time to be sure it was worth a try to date a shorter man. I've always been prone to getting swept off of my feet, but with Mr. Manager, I fell in love with my head first, and then my heart, so I trust it so much more. And let me tell you, the way I love him now is incredible. I've been in love before, but never like this.

Once we started to date, everything felt like it was falling into place. The walls that we had both kept up for so long got to come down, and I have never felt so cherished.

I say all of this leading up to an announcement....

Mr. Manager and I are engaged.

And have been for a month or so now, and are getting married at the end of March.

So what this means for The Closer- is that she is saying farewell. On to ~~bigger~~ shorter and better things!

Writing for this blog has been so fun, and Mr. Manager appreciates all of you being my cheerleaders in deciding to take a shot in dating him. Good luck to you all in that BYU dating world!

Yours Truly, for the last time,

The Closer (soon to be Mrs. Manager)

Big weekend folks.

Mr. Manager came over on Sunday for dinner. We ate and chatted for an hour or so, and after we finished eating he was showing me a cut on his finger, so I went upstairs to get some ointment for it. When I came downstairs he had moved over to the living room and was sitting on the couch, so I went and sat by him.

We got his cut all bandaged back up and then he just put his arm around me, no shyness, just went for it. I leaned onto his shoulder and just kept talking with him, and was still fiddling with the ointment because I was so nervous. Meanwhile he listened intently to my stories and rubbed my arm. After a while of that he asked to see the ointment, and ended up setting it on the other side of him, and then taking my hand with his free hand.

At this point things started to open up in the conversation, he told me how much he likes me, and we started to talk about the various times we considered dating the other and never did anything about it. Apparently for a long time, he was convinced there was no way I would ever date him. As it turns out, we've both been fighting the same feelings for a while now. It wasn't long after this that we kissed, and it was fabulous.

Now Mr. Manager has never struck me as the romantic type... but as it turns out, he is sweet, and tender, and affectionate. And now that the walls are down, he is like a whole different guy, in all the best ways.

One of the times that he kissed me on Sunday, because yes, there were several, he paused and said "Just so you know, this means we're dating exclusively".

I woke up smiling the next day, and haven't really stopped smiling all week.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

I hope everyone is trying their very best to enjoy our quick step into Winter. Can I just say that getting to wear boots has almost made the snow worth it?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been on several dates with The Crooner, Tacoma, a new guy named Leonardo, and Mr. Manager. At first going on all of these dates was incredibly fun, but this last weekend I decided that it’s getting exhausting. Here’s where things are at with these fine suitors…

The Crooner- Very interesting guy, great conversationalist, very smart, but turns out we have very different views on a variety of important things. He took me out to dinner about a week and I decided that I was no longer interested in dating him.

Tacoma- He is so fun. I have had a fantastic time on almost every date, once he shows up that is. He has been a collective two and a half hours late for our total of four dates. This last date I decided that as fun as he is, there is not any depth there for me, he’s just easy to laugh with. This past Saturday I decided that I was no longer interested in dating him.

Leonardo- This one is charming, my goodness, and enthralled with me. More than once now he has proclaimed that I am the coolest girl he has taken out in months, maybe ever. This would ordinarily be flattering, but he has never really tried to get to know me. Very few questions of any depth, or rather, very few of any kind. On our second date, also this last Saturday, I decided that I am no longer interested in dating him.

Now onto the last one…

Mr. Manager- He is by far the slowest mover of them all. Our first date was around the end of September, and we went on our fourth/fifth date this last weekend (it’s hard to tell which date we’re on because there have been several not-so-datey-dates in between).

Everything was going great from my last post, when we had only gone on two dates. Our third date, was not great. I was really worried that he might try and hold my hand or something, and trying to decide what that might mean and if I was ready for it (Really? C’mon Closer, stop stressing about a hand hold). He must have picked up on my lack of good vibes because no date that next weekend. Then at church I saw him get a new girl’s phone number, and that stung. I wasn’t sure how much I liked him after our choppy third date, but that stung too much for me to keep pretending I did not have feelings for him. I decided that I was going to bite the bullet and put myself out there, I asked him if we could go for a drive.

A couple days later we go for a drive, end up walking around at the Riverwoods and then talking in his truck. I took a good hour before I got up the nerve to tell him, but I told him that I liked him, and didn’t know if those feelings were reciprocated, and to what extent. This led into another hour or two of really great conversation. Both of us expressing our feelings, our hesitations, our hopes. He said that he wanted to keep taking me out, I told him okay but that I was dating other guys, and he should know that (this was before this last week of man-slaying).

He told me at one point that I am easily one of the most amazing women that he knows, and when that comes from a Mr. Manager instead of a Leonardo, it kind of makes my heart sing.

I met some of his family this weekend, and he’s been calling me mid-week to chat, and I’m cooking dinner for him this weekend. He love the way I feel around him. I am happy.

A week ago I would not have wanted to date him exclusively. But today, I most definitely do.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Oh, well, hello readers. If my text-based-voice sounds soothed and refreshed, that would be due to my recent completion of a two week long European vacation with Rex and company. And I am pleased to report that my fears were not realized, I am stronger than I previously supposed, and did not enjoy anything but friendship with Rex over those two weeks. Let's go ahead and take a moment to give me a gold star.

*Accepts it graciously.

Europe was incredible, but this is not a travel blog, this is a dating blog! So onward we go.

Before my trip, the last time I posted, I had gone on one date with both The Crooner, and Mr. Manager. I have now gone on two dates with both of them, and have plans for a third date with Mr. Manager this weekend, and a phone full of texts from The Crooner. Oh, and I also have a second date this weekend with Tacoma (yes, he's new).

There must be something in the water lately because I'm not typically this irresistible to the opposite sex. Even I am jealous of my life, and I'm the one living it.

Alright, so how about if I just tell you more details about one of these gentlemen? I’ll pick Mr. Manager, because he’s the one I am most excited to have more to tell about.

Mr. Manager and I went on our first date, and I wasn’t sure what would come of it. Maybe it was going to be another experience like with Mijo, where he took me out once and then we decided friends was best. Maybe he likes me a little, maybe a lot. I didn’t know, and was asking myself lots of these questions. I decided that I would say yes to a second date if he asked, and that was that.

Then he did ask, for that very next weekend. (I will also add that Mr. Manager is notoriously terrible at diligent pursuit of a lady, so this was a noteworthy time frame).

Date number two was not quite as great as the first. I found myself mid-date thinking “This is just okay…”, but by the end of the date on our drive home we had fallen into great conversation and I remember then thinking to myself “I don’t want this drive to end.”

That was a Friday. That following Sunday I saw him at a small ward get together, and we talked for two hours there. The next night I had asked him for a blessing before I left on my trip, and he came over for that, and we talked for three hours before he left. The next night we were supposed to go with a small group to the temple, and everyone cancelled but he and I. We lingered longer there in the temple for an extra hour or so.

You would think by this time I would be beside myself with giddiness. Well, that’s what I would expect of myself. I don’t feel any of those rollercoaster feelings that I have with other men I have dated as of late. I feel calm, and happy, and very even. Every now and then I still get little jolts of excitement that force a smile onto my face. It is lovely. I feel healthy, and if things ended today I would be fine, and if things continued tomorrow I would be happy.

I have been home from Europe for a week now, and he wasn't exactly beating the door down to see me when I got back. Mr. Manager still has a thing or two to learn about how wooing a woman will not always mesh perfectly with schedule and practicality.

As of right now, nothing has been verbalized in the arena of what we will call “feelings” between us. Should I venture to explore a conversation like that? Or is that better left to occur in a way that has not been forced?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Oh do I have some fun updates. I've been so excited to blog that I almost blogged early and then I got distracted so now I am diligently posting on my allotted day, to give you these exciting updates.

Which to start with... Let's start with The Crooner. The Crooner moved into my ward about a month ago, and I quickly ended up on a group date with him. It was light, he was fun and a good conversationalist, and there was some mutual chemistry. He's been texting me pretty consistently and asked me out once but I wasn't able to go that night (and offered another night like a good lady does). Finally we got to go out last night, maybe two weeks after the first date. We went to an open mic night and he plays guitar and sings so he performed a couple of songs. Now, I am not the typical girl who is easily swooned by a man with a guitar. On the contrary as a matter of fact. But he was so talented that I was not even turned off. Afterwards we chatted at his apartment for a while, and he walked me home, then sent ME a post date text to thank me for coming. That was certainly refreshing, and surprising.

The Crooner apparently has taken a fancy to me, and has convinced me to join him again tonight for dessert. Luckily my week is quite full after tonight so he shall have no more luck in catching me on last minute dates. Which are only a frustration on occasion I should add.

So this is just exciting update number one, and I am much more excited about update number two. Now, I have mentioned Mr. Manager on several occasions on this blog. He is my close friend who I have little by little fallen in ~~love~~ like with. My biggest wrestle has been the fact that he is at least five inches shorter than me. Outside of this fact, I think he is phenomenal. We just 'get' each other. And our friendship has always felt just a little different than my other guy friendships, like Rex.

So I've been wrestling with these feelings a lot lately, and wondering if maybe he had started to feel them too. After all, he was tossing rocks at my window.

All of this is a preface to the fact that this past weekend, he took me on a date. Like a real live, planned, paid for, paired off, the words "this is a date" were vocalized, date. And it was a great date. It was comfortable but still gave me little hints of butterflies. I found myself wanting to be near him, and hoping he asks me out again. He also made a comment, like it was nothing, in mid conversation, that he's gotten to the point where he only asks girls on first dates when he wants to pursue something more serious. Whoa. Does that mean me?

Yours truly,

The Closer

Oh goodness my dear readers I feel as though I have neglected you. You will be pleased to know, or maybe not so pleased, that there are no exciting updates that I have for you. Well actually, I shouldn't suppose to know what you do and do not find exciting, because as I think about it, maybe I do have some exciting news, just not really about dating, or maybe it's a little about dating. How was that for a rambling sentence? Sometimes it's just effective creative process to think on the keyboard, I hope you are enjoying my creative process today.

Where we last left off I was dealing with the conundrum of a secret crush on my man friend named Rex. Over the last couple of weeks I have realized two things. The first of these things is that Rex is not really the type of guy I would want a serious relationship with, we seem to have significantly varied priorities in life. The second of these things is that there is still chemistry there, he is still attractive to me- even if it's in a slightly dorky, accidentally charming kind of way. For the most part now, the attraction feels dead, and he's just another one of the buds, but there are still some moments where I find myself wanting to be holding his hand, or maybe you know, something like, oh I dunno, kissing his face.

With that being said, here is the news that may be exciting, and may not be. I am taking a trip, to Europe, with Rex and two other friends, for two weeks, in October. So exciting! I am quite excited. Did I mention that I am experiencing this thing they call excitement? I am.

There have already been jokes about pairing off in Europe... "jokes". Let's be honest, a little bit of chemistry and two weeks of international travel has got to create a boiling point. Especially because the other two people joining us are basically a couple. You see the problem, is that I am not the kind of girl that just goes around kissing all kinds of boys, I believe myself to be better than a random hookup. (And doggone it, everyone should!). Now you may be thinking, "Wait, why is this a problem?". Well hello! Because of the inevitably chemistry and the near certainty of my gradually weakening state of valor and honor!

Who knows, maybe my weakening resolve won't be an issue at all. He is kind of a big chicken when it comes to ladies, and I do not see myself being the one to try and put any moves on him. But if he does put on the moves, I might just end up as weak and wooed ball of putty. Is this one of those times where I am going to make it happen strictly because I believe it will? How do I convince myself that I can keep from being seduced by the witty and playful Rex a midst the romantic wanderings of Europe?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Confession: The Closer has tried online dating.

Confession Part II: The Closer will continue to try online dating.

Phew, glad we got the hard part out of the way. Yes. I date online.

Not exclusively, not excessively. Simply occasionally, if someone tickles my fancy.

The first time I tried online dating was almost two years ago. I had a friend that was raving about it, and thought to myself, "A site where I can filter by height? I need to try that". So I hopped online for my first go around. The first couple of dates I went on I was not very wise about. I handed out my number like candy and had the guys pick me up, just like a normal date. Thank goodness I didn't end up as a headline story on CNN with the anchors commenting on how such a seemingly bright young lady could have made such a foolish decision. Luckily, Heavenly Father had my back and I am still alive and well.

So you know how everyone thinks that only weirdos date online? Well, this is simply not true, although, I think some of the weirdest people date online. I kid you not, I once had a date with "that guy" who still lives in his mother's basement and is obsessed with science fiction. I have gotten much better at filtering since then.

I have yet to have seriously dated anyone I have met online, but I have met enough quality people to make me believe it's worth my while to keep it as one more avenue to meet people with. For those of you who have considered it, I say give it a try, and if you decide to give it a try, here are my helpful hints:

Meet quickly. Exchange no more than 4-5 short messages, because trust me, your take on these fellows in person will tell you worlds more than 20 long emails ever will.
Meet at a public location. Don't tell them where you live, this is should be common sense. Food is a good reason to meet up. Protocol for online meet ups is different from a normal date, so I usually plan on paying my own way (although they always win points if they insist on paying).
If you can avoid exchanging phone numbers pre-date, I recommend this. That way, if you meet up and he's not someone you want to stay in contact with, he doesn't have a means to barrage you with communication. If it's going to messy to avoid giving your number, just be okay with the slight chance of having to block their number or change yours (this has never happened to me).
Have a commitment within an hour or two after the meetup, a good reason to have to take off. This keeps the meet up short and gives you both a chance to depart and evaluate what you thought of the other person. Not to mention giving you an out if it's completely awkward.
Once you have met up, try to get away from the online environment as quickly as you can. Hopefully he gets your number, and you get to move forward as if you never even met online, and it's not some odd thing that becomes a constant part of your blossoming courtship.
Do your best not to act like it's weird or unusual that you met online. I think guys feel more self conscious about it than girls do, so try not to accidentally rub salt in his potential wound.
Lastly, always tell someone where you are going and what you are doing. That way if anything were to go wrong (yeah, I know, I sound like your mother here), someone at least knows where you went.

So there you have it. Seven handy hints to make online dating easy-peezy. Like I've said before, it's all a numbers game, so what's one more way to get your numbers up? Heck, I even have three friends that married someone they met online.

What about you? Have any of you tried dating online?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Well, it's been about two weeks since my date with Mijo, and I think I am safe to say that we are going to stay in the friend zone, and this is a good thing. Ten inches of a height difference would be a lot to reconcile, and no need to worry about that unless it's necessary. Besides, if I'm going to bite the bullet and date a shorter man, I am pretty sure I would want it to be Mr. Manager.

Mijo, Mr. Manager, and Lance (newly introduced), are three of my closest male friends. They are also all considerably shorter than me (more than six inches). One of my favorite/least favorite things about being so tall, is that it makes friendships with short men so easy, and I end up with some great pals. Out of these three, I spend the most time with Lance. He is the social butterfly of the three, he always has something going on... and he also has the most attractive roommates (wink-wink). I am with Lance (usually accompanied by a roommate or four) at least once a week. Sometimes we're all hanging out watching So You Think You Can Dance, other times we're getting drinks at Sonic, and still other times we're throwing around a football.

There is one roommate in particular, Rex, who I have a bit of a crush on. It's the kind of crush that you are not sure what you want to happen with, but it's fun because you always get a little bit excited when you see them. It is probably a good thing that I'm not sure what I want with him, because I think I am very close to turning into/already "one of the guys". To illlustrate my point, here are some things that have happened while I have been present with Lance and the roomies:

Farting (albeit minimal)
Talking about "hot chicks"
Phone calls to girls they want to "get with"
Every guy playing on his smartphone at the same time

Granted, none of these things (except smartphone playing) has been done by Rex, he is still there while they go on. I don't think I would want to completely give up on these hang outs, because they are almost always the highlight of my week, so my question is this: Are there any tips you all have on how to:

Hang out with "the guys" without becoming one of them
How to get some one-on-one time with the friend of your friend (I only ever get to be around Rex in the group, while I'm with Lance)

Any ideas you have would be just lovely!

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Something unexpected happened to me this past week.

Last Thursday night I was driving home and got a phone call from Mijo, who I have mentioned just once before. He and I are great friends, and being great friends has always been easy, because there is a 10 inch height difference. I am 10 inches taller than him.

You may already be able to tell this is going, but I shall proceed regardless. I see his name on the caller ID and I am glad that he is calling. He and I always have fun chats, and I figure he's calling to say hello or tell me a funny story. We chit chat for the first ten or so minutes of the call, and then he pauses and says "I was actually calling to ask you on a date for this Saturday." This caught me completely off guard and I sputtered "Wait... Really?" without even thinking about it. I'm sure that was kind to his ego. He laughed and replied that he was indeed serious, and I agreed to a date.

After I hung up the phone I had a few thoughts. I think I was first impressed that he wasn't letting a silly thing like a [big] height difference keep him from asking me out. Next I was curious- Has he been interested in me all along and is finally acting on it? Did he decide that if we get along so well we might as well try dating? Is he just trying to show me that shorter men can see me as a woman too? (He knows about Mr. Manager's "If you were a girl" comment.) After a few minutes of my brain buzzing with unanswered questions, I issued a cease-and-desist order on all of that, and just decided to go and have fun.

And have fun I did. I had more fun on this date than I have on a first date in a very long time. Every time we were sitting and talking and laughing, I was having a great time. And then it would be time to stand up again, and I would be reminded that I have to stoop down to keep conversation going. That is a weird feeling.

You know how sometimes you are with a guy and you can imagine how nice it would be if he put his arm around you? Try as I might, even imaginary cuddling is awkward with Mijo.

What I am wrestling with now, is what if he asks me out again? It doesn't seem incredibly likely, but do I keep trying? Also, if he doesn't ask me out, how long of him not asking me out qualifies me to be able to talk to him about my love life again? Turns out, it's hard to talk to your date about the other guys you want to be dating. Do I want my friend back? Or am I not giving my friend the potential he deserves?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

For the past week The Lone Wanderer has been gradually easing his way further and further out of clear I-am-trying-to-date-you territory. Whenever I would wait for him to initiate contact, it would be several days between conversations. Then the times when we would talk, things were much friendly, not the fun flirtation that we enjoyed for a few weeks previously. I have to admit, although feeling ignored and neglected made me annoyed, it also was a relief. He and I seem to speak different love languages, and I don't think either of us was invested enough to learn a new language for the other, and that just leaves you with two people that never feel loved.

I finally confronted the elephant in the room last night. I asked him if he was trying to date me or just be my friend, because I couldn't tell anymore. This led to a conversation about the difficulties of trying to date long distance. At this point, I'm not sure that we would have worked even if he did live in town, but I think that was a nice and easy way for neither of us to feel scorned and rejected. It was a relatively painless and adult conversation, ending with the decision to just be friends. I will be curious to see how well we can actually stay friends. On the one hand, we won't have that frustrating chemistry that comes from being near someone you once kissed, or the irritation that comes from watching that person flirt with someone new. On the other hand, the effort required to stay in contact with a once-interest-now-a-friend-who-doesn't-live-here will be harder to find the motivation for, as the excitement of romance has now dissipated. *sigh

Overall I feel good. I think this was a good call, and I'm happy that he and I are on the same page.

This whole experience with The Lone Wanderer has brought me to a surprising realization. When I was around The Lone Wanderer, I felt good sometimes, but I also felt unsettled and insecure and not myself. The day after coming back from Idaho I was in worry-ridden daze. That next night Mr. Manager dropped off potatoes (yes potatoes, it's an inside joke) in hopes of borrowing my crock pot. I brought over the crock pot and stayed to chat with him for a few minutes. Literally within those minutes, I felt light, and happy, and worth a million bucks. It was such a startling comparison. That's how I want to feel around the man I marry. I want to feel just like I do around Mr. Manager. ...Except maybe with more butterflies.

While I was writing this post, I heard the familiar clank of a piece of bark on my window. At least a couple of times a week, Mr. Manager throws a piece of bark at my window before he goes to bed (he lives right next door). I don't know why he did it the first time, but he did, and now he thinks it's funny, so whenever he goes out and sees that the light is on in my bedroom, picks up a piece of bark from the flower bed, and throws it at my window. I smiled when I heard it.

Then there are times like the other day when we were talking and he prefaced a question with "If you were a girl".

IF I was a girl?

I didn't smile when I heard that. I think I glared at him.

If you were me (you know, a girl), would you think you were this guy's BFF and nothing more, or that maybe he was a little bit in love with you back?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

I came back from my weekend rendezvous with The Lone Wanderer about two weeks ago to a whirlwind of questions from the friends that I had told. I don't know that I've mentioned this before, but relationships and relationship-type things stress. me. out. As much as I enjoyed my time with The Lone Wanderer, I felt incredibly anxious when I left Idaho. You know those times when you're not quite sure if you are getting some sort of "warning" or you're just working yourself into a tizzy over nothing? It was one of those times.

The whole drive back my mind was buzzing with doubts and excitement and fears and butterflies. I was conflicted. I was upset that I was so conflicted, because he had told me that he thought the weekend went even better than he had hoped. That must mean that there were no feelings of conflict for him, because I couldn't voice those same sentiments. He also called me a few hours into the drive back home to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about our weekend.

(Insert smiles mixed with high anxiety here)

What didn't help the anxiety was knowing the whirlwind of questions that I was coming home to. I was silently hoping that I would get home late enough to not see my roommates, and get the night to process what I was thinking and feeling. Luckily I arrived home just late enough for them to already be in bed.

At this point, the signs were telling me that The Lone Wanderer was very much into me. And I was not at all feeling ready for something big or serious with him. We never had a "DTR" sort of conversation, so when people would ask what we were, I would tell them that we enjoyed the weekend and we were still seeing where things might go. Then something odd happened. We went from texting all day and talking every night to practically nothing. There was a stretch of four days where we didn't talk at all. It looked a little like this:

Our contact plummeted, and I didn't know why. Was it because all the excitement got used up for our big meet up? Was he freaking out as much as I was? Was he just busy and I was over-analyzing things?

All this did was add to my stress, and confusion, as well as roll some annoyance into the mix.

You may notice that at the "Now" marker on the timeline, the contact starts to increase again. I finally decided to be a grown up and voice to him that I had noticed that we hadn't been talking as much, and when I wouldn't hear from him until ten o'clock at night, it would made me feel like an afterthought. I voiced to him that it was important to me that I feel like some sort of priority in his life, because if we're not talking, we have nothing- we live in two different states after all. I made sure to talk to him while I wasn't upset, because the last thing I wanted to do was make him feel nagged, I simply wanted to vocalize my needs.

Since that conversation I have noticed an increase in his efforts, and that has been comforting to see.

I still have all of those stressed and anxious feelings from before that I need to evaluate. I don't have that "This is wonderful! Proceed!" feeling. Not that I should, I am just noting that I do not. I also don't have a "Stop! This is the worst decision you could ever possibly make!" feeling. As of right now, I am waiting. Waiting to see if he will still treat me like I am worth working for. If he is willing to still act like he is trying to earn my affections, versus acting like they have already been earned and the work is done. The jury is still out on The Lone Wanderer, but at least my head is more in the game this time around.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

I am sure that you have been dying to hear an update on this exciting news. Alright, alright, I'll give it!

Memorial Day weekend I rendezvoused with The Lone Wanderer in Idaho, wondering if the same chemistry would be there that we had in text and on the phone. The last time I had seen him, we were still friends that hadn't admitted to liking one another. I was so nervous and excited to find out what things would be like now it was all out in the open.

I was there in Idaho for two days, and had plenty to keep us busy. Over the two days we went on a few walks and hikes, and let me tell you, this guy is ridiculous, in a good way. On one of our hikes he would point to almost every plant and tell me about what it could be used for. "Oh this one you can snap off and make a blow gun out of, this one is great for weaving baskets, these berries can be used as yeast, you can make rope out of this bark- here, I'll show you". I now have a six inch piece of rope that he made for me out of tree bark. Tell me any of you other ladies can say that!

We went on a walk by a river and talked about some of our life experiences, how we ended up where we are. It was great getting to know and understand him better with that perspective.

I cooked him dinner at my cousin's house one of the nights, and he loved it. Afterwards we watched a movie, and cuddled.

Anddddddd... we kissed.

Insert smile here.

There was so much build up of expectation for this weekend, that I think we were both pretty worried about it not living up to them, or worse yet, it being a total bust. On my last day there he told me "I didn't think it was possible, but this weekend has been even better than I had hoped for."

(!!!) Insert more smiles here.

I came home to a flurry of questions from the friends I had told. "How was it??" "Did he kiss you??" "What do you think of him??" "So are you guys dating now??" "Did you DTR??"

Geez louise those kinds of questions are stressful, but I answered them all.

So what is going on now with me and The Lone Wanderer? I guess you'll have to wait until next week to find out...

Yours Truly,

The Closer

I have been grinning from ear to ear all week. I have also had somewhere between one and three excited-giggle-fests with my roommates.

The Lone Wanderer is most certainly in the throws of twitterpation with The Closer, and The Closer is feeling quite mutually about him.

You know that feeling when a guy says something super sweet to you and you blush and get grin on your face that you can't seem to wipe off? That's been me, at least five times day, for the past week. I would have never guessed that this guy would be the kind to say the completely adorable things that he does.

I ended up finding out that he has liked me all along, but because of the distance he kept himself from doing anything about it. Apparently he could only resist for so long. He said he finally decided that the distance wasn't enough of a reason not to try and see if this goes somewhere. I'd have to say I agree. What are the odds out of all the guys in Provo, things start to materialize with one who doesn't even live here. I have to admit, the distance is such a downer sometimes. Boy would I love to get to spend some time with him in person...

...

...

...and that's why we're meeting up in Idaho this weekend!

That's right. What started as some flirtatious joking, turned into "we should definitely do this", and I am using great amounts of willpower to contain my excitement. Oh goodness. He has admitted to significant excitement levels as well. He told me to "prepare to be wooed". Do I even have a chance of not being a puddle of putty in his hands? Probably not.

Wish me luck.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

I have been so excited to blog this week, but yesterday just came and went before I knew it, so hopefully you don't mind hearing from ~~two~~ three Austens in one day.

My first bit of exciting news is about Happy McSmiles. He's the one who I thought was flirting with me for a solid couple of months, but never did anything. Then he made a comment about not being comfortable dating taller women and I decided that he did not like me after all. The past couple of weeks he had been texting me a little bit more, and I just figured he was being nice, because I'd fallen for that before. Then this past Friday he asked to hang out, but I had plans (An invite to a hang out on the day of? Didn't seem like something to get too worked up over.).

Then again on Sunday he text messaged me asking what my Mother's Day plans were. My family is out of state so I just had a couple little things going on, so he invited me to join him for dinner... at his family's house.

My initial reaction was to say no- because it was only two hours before dinner and he and I hadn't even been on a date, I wasn't ready to get to know his whole family, and meeting families stresses me out. Finally I decided that I had no good reason not to just bite the bullet and go. Turns out, his family is super nice. His mom made me feel right at home, and all his siblings are younger so they were talking about high school drama and the like, it was so fun being around kids again. At one point his mom let it slip that Happy had been talking about me the night before and she told him that he should invite me for dinner. I think Happy got a little embarrassed by that, but I thought it was sweet, and again, made me glad I came. Things have been quiet from him since then, but I'll see him tonight at Place, so I guess we'll see what happens there.

Now the other bit of exciting news, is a little more exciting, and is about The Lone Wanderer. Last week I mentioned how we had started talking more than the first time he left. All this week it has been steadily increasing. We'll send fun text messages throughout the day, and he's called me almost every day the last week. He also keeps telling me that I should come out so that we can hike and camp all around the area he's at in Oregon (Mmm hmm... "camp and hike"). Gradually our conversations have been getting more and more flirtatious, to the point where there is no doubt in my mind that he is interested in me. Insert excited giggle here. Last night we were texting before I went to sleep and the last text he sent made my heart smile...

"Throughout the day I'm constantly in and out of my truck. The first thing I do when I get in my truck is check to see if the green light is blinking on my phone...if its green you sent me a text. If its green, I smile."

Oh my goodness. Adorable. Why can't this boy be in Provo?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

If I were to base my life decisions on blog comments alone, I would have no choice but to pursue Mr. Manager. It turns out the readers (or at least the commenters) of this blog are pro tall girl-short boy dating. I have to admit that your confidence is a little infectious and I'm considering this option on an increasing basis. What seems to be the greatest hurdle is that I'm not the only one who will have to overcome that hurdle. He's never expressed interest in dating significantly taller girls, and certainly doesn't seem to express clear interest in me. I will mention that at a ward activity recently, he and I were talking and I must have said something hilarious (of course, right?), so he laughed and said "Closer, what are we going to do when one of us gets married and we don't get to hang out anymore?". That may or may not have tugged on my heart strings a little.

So my official decision for now, is that I'm not deciding anything.

In other news... I've been keeping in much closer contact with The Lone Wanderer. Remember how he came into town and it was so fun and I was really excited, and then he left town and basically died? Well, he came back into town a few weeks ago, and was here for about 10 days. He spent a few days with family in Salt Lake, but the rest of his time, he spent with me. There was much quality time spending occurring. Which is my number two love language. By the time he left I had mentally prepared myself for a drop off of contact again, and had decided that being friends, maybe even close friends, would be a good thing. Especially because he's all the way in Oregon now, aka, too far.

But lo and behold, contact did not drop off. I have to admit, it has been a ton of fun keeping in contact with him, and he's been way more diligent about staying in touch than the last time. There's been fun witty-banter-texting going on just about every day, and one or two phone calls per week. My goodness, let me just take a moment to mention how funny this guy is, he has me cracking up every day. I love it.

He is certainly not the emotionally expressive type, so conversation is always fun, lighthearted, and mildly flirtatious. It's great because it's just enough to keep a door open to possibilities if situations were to change, but it's nothing significant enough to feel like pressure for either one of us, or cause us to get too emotionally attached without the balance of in-person interaction.

So my official decision for now, is also that I'm not deciding anything.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

My dating life has been in a lull for the past few weeks. I have noticed that when this happens, I begin to be much more rational in my evaluation of "potential mates", and I notice guys that I might not have otherwise. In this particular instance, I have been trying to decide if I should consider Mr. Manager more seriously. Mr. Manager and I get along splendidly. Every time we spend time together it is a blast. It's typically also intellectually stimulating, caring, and genuine.

I may get excited about various boys easily, but I rarely continue to be impressed by them. Mr. Manager impresses me consistently. He is hard working, honest, bold, handsome, funny, light-hearted, and spiritually deep rooted. He is also five inches shorter than me.

I have mentioned before that height is a challenge for me in dating, like with Happy McSmiles. I am 6'1'', and easily taller than the majority of men I meet. I've been in relationships with guys as short as 5'11'', but I don't think I have ever been interested in someone under 5'10'' before.

Mr. Manager is 5'8''.

We would be an odd looking couple, definitely. Hugging him sometimes makes me feel like I am emasculating him, but I can't stop thinking about how if he was just a few inches taller, I would very much be interested in him.

I am having trouble overcoming this hurdle. I also don't even know if this is something he would be open to. We joke all the time about how we could never date because of the height difference, and I don't even know if there is any inkling of interest for him towards me. Right now all I know is that I think he is a stellar dude, and also that he is short, quite short..

What would you do? If 5 inches worth overcoming?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Ladies of Anti-Austen,

Summer has recently hit Provo and that means an exodus has occurred. In my specific situation, that means that my ward's boys apartments have turned into married housing. I heard the count of boys to girls yesterday.....seventeen boys. Forty five girls. The three to one ratio is horrible, but in numbers that low!??? It's atrocious. And here I was hoping for some summer love.

Here's the problem. Our guy friends moved to various other apartment complexes and said we should hang out, but how much can we really hangout without looking too forward? Yes my roommate and I might be interested in them, but now it's way out of the way to visit (and they sure didn't help things when they DID live close). Any suggestions on finding new pools of men would be greatly appreciated. Better luck in your endeavors...

Anonymous

Dear Seeker of Summer Love:

Let me begin with an "I hear ya sister!". I'm sure we all are well aware that, for some reason, the guy to girl ratio in Provo never seems to be to our female advantage. I live in an area that's not quite the hub of BYU student wards, resulting in a lot less turnover, so I have had to get creative about the ways that I meet guys. Here is a list of techniques that have helped me to meet men:

Make friends with more girls. This sounds counter intuitive, but every girl could be a link to a guy that you wouldn't have met otherwise. Maybe it's a guy that she's not interested in, or maybe she has a handsome cousin, or a coworker, or an elder from her mission. The more she likes you, the more likely she is to introduce you to these men.
Use your guy friends as keys to more guys. I have a few close guy friends that I'm not going to date, but I am always meeting new guys through. Start hanging out with the guys you know you don't want to date, but still have fun with, and use them for their friends- heck- tell them they need to set you up with some cool dudes.
For the guys that you're friends with that you maybe do want to date (like the ones you mentioned in your email), no need to go to them all the time, invite them to group activities. Summer has a ton of activities that you can get guys included on. Host a bbq, organize a camping or hiking trip, have a bonfire, get a group to go to Moab for the weekend, get a pass of all passes crew together and hit up Seven Peaks, see what sporting events are happening. Be liberal with these invitations and tell anyone you invite to invite whoever else they would like, and see where you end up <wink-wink>.
Start volunteering. There are tons of ways to get involved in Provo, you can go to https://yserve.byu.edu/ and find all kinds of opportunities. Not only will you get some satisfaction out of helping people, you'll meet some top caliber men.
If you're not already, head to your institute. This will get you access to your whole stake. Also, institute hopping is a lot easier than ward hopping, so see if you can tag along with friends in other stakes.
Go to the grocery store, or Walmart, or Taco Bell. Go late at night when you have groups of guys getting midnight snacks. Make eye contact and smile and see if you get any of them to take the bait. And let's be honest, people's inhibitions are lower late at night. You'll be more likely to get your flirt on, and they'll be more likely to respond to it.
Lastly, go to everything. Parties, game nights, weddings, movie nights, frisbee in the park, dinner parties, your 5 year old nephews birthday party. The more places you go, the more people you'll meet, the more likely you'll be to have some romantic summer nights in no time.

Those have probably been my most helpful recommendations, but I'm sure that our readers have plenty more! Let's help this chica out shall we?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

I have been thinking a lot about hope the past few days, especially how that relates to my last post about emotional roller-coasters, so I thought I'd get real with you today. I was talking with a friend yesterday and he mentioned the scripture in Hebrews that says:

"Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast..."

I came to understand that I have been putting my hope into the wrong things, rather than the right person, Jesus Christ.

A real hope in Christ and His promised blessings allows us to remain steady and anchored.

I was putting hope into the "potential relationships" I found myself encountering, which are fickle things, and not safe places for my hope to abide. Sure the excitement is thrilling, like a roller-coaster, but that's not a ride I want to be on for any extended period of time.

In this same conversation, we talked about the things that we go to for comfort. If I hear bad news, I might go to a friend to express my hurt. If I don't want to face my responsibilities, I might turn on the tv. This friend referenced an article he read in the Liahona, that mentioned the scripture in 2 Nephi that says:

"Others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security..."

The woman in the article realized that she was

seeking comfort in carnal things,

versus

seeking healing in Christ.

And I realized that I am guilty of the same thing.

Are we seeking to find comfort in dating or relationships? Do we have an everlasting hope in Christ that gives us an anchor of strength and confidence in His will and plan for us? Are we trusting that the Lord really is trying to make us happy even when it feels like what we want keeps slipping through our fingers?

I love the verse that teaches us to "be still and know that I am God".

We can have peace and comfort that the Lord can

heal us, comfort us, and strengthen us.

As long as we give Him the opportunity to.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

Finding a happy medium between girlish excitement and staying grounded in realistic expectations is a challenging thing to do. When I like a guy I get downright giddy with excitement, and I have to admit, it's one of my favorite feelings. It is a constant battle to keep reminding myself to have realistic expectations, although I think I am getting better. You may have noticed that I seem to have boy ADD (*ahem* yes you, anonymous commenter)... well, I'd like to think that this is a good thing (like you other lovely commenters who defended me) and I'll tell you why. (I promise this is not me being passive aggressive, but it did cause me to do some personal reflection.)

1. My excitement about various guys is an indicator of hope, and trying to date without hope is just depressing. I've seen enough friends get let down time and time again only to suddenly meet an incredible companion, to have plenty of hope and to let that hope get me excited.

2. As much as I may get excited, I work hard not to let myself get too excited too soon. I am pretty good at letting go when I start to see that it's just not going anywhere. It's not crushing, or debilitating, it's just... a bummer. I can live with bummers.

What these two things translate into is a what looks like a roller-coaster ride, where each up and down is a different boy. I guess it's either that or sitting in a roller-coaster car that isn't moving. I have said before that dating is a numbers game, and I still believe that. I would be happy to keep my excitement and attention honed in on one guy, but then you would just get posts every week about how Mr. So-And-So still hasn't asked me out, and who wants to read about that?

I guess maybe someone might, but I'd rather not write about it.

I will say that sometimes after the roller-coaster goes up and then back down again, it will coast along for a while and slowly start to creep back up...

Like what happened this week with Happy McSmiles.

Last week I was frustrated at misreading signals, and I have now decided that this was not my fault. I am being sent the wrong signals, somewhere at least. I had resigned myself to the fact that Happy McSmiles wasn't interested because he essentially told me that I am too tall for him to date. I've still been just as friendly to him and when I saw him last week I invited him to a brunch I was holding between conference sessions on Sunday. He asked me to write down the info, so I gave him a slip of paper with my address and phone number on it, and he said he was planning on coming. Then I got a text Saturday night (part of me thinks putting the exact conversation here is risky, but I'm going to bank on him not regularly reading this blog):

Him: "Hey this is Happy from Place! I was reviewing this note that I got from you and saw that it had your phone number. :) I thought I would text you to make sure my plan for tomorrow was ok with you. May I come watch the first session with you? I will probably leave before pancakes because some friends in the ward got tickets to the afternoon session. Is that ok?"

Me: "Hey Happy! That would be just fine, there should be a few people coming, and may even be some food ready too :)."

Him: "Sweet I am excited. If you want I could come over early to help cook..."

Me: "Actually that'd be great, want to come over half an hour early?"

Him: "Sure! I will see you at 9:30. :)"

Me: "Perfect, see you then!"

Do you see now why I was confused? I pow-wowed with my roommates and we decided that if he is indeed not interested, he is sending the wrong signals.

He came to help cook, and then sat by me during the morning session and we bantered a bit (whilst still being as reverent as possible...), then he sent me a thank you text an hour or so after he left for letting him come eat and enjoy conference.

So now his roller coaster is creeping back up... but just a little bit this time.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

I remember that there used to be a time when I was good at "reading the signals". Wait, was there a time like that? I can't even remember anymore. Allow me to elaborate on my confusion.

When we left things off with The Lone Wanderer, I was riding a high from spending eight hours together followed by two days of continuous texting initiated by him, and then waiting for him to get back from another weekend camping expedition. I was also weighing the pros and cons of trying to foster a relationship long distance.

...Then he came back from the mountains. And I caved and initiated a short lived text conversation. Then I left it up to him, and didn't hear anything for days. Tried to initiate again on Monday, a good but short conversation. Left it up to him again, and nothing.

So let's analyze this data, because we know that us ladies love to analyze.

Data point #1. The Lone Wanderer is most definitely on the quiet and shy side, I flirted it up with him big time on the hiking trip I met him on. All flirting was well received.

Data point #2. I sent a couple of texts in the weeks after the trip, mostly talking about pictures that got uploaded and things of that nature. Nothing too big here.

Data point #3. I came home to a note on our kitchen whiteboard from him one day. I very slightly freak out because he's in town and was in my kitchen and left me a note. (Reminder: He lives out of state.).

Data point #4. He saves me a seat next to him at church that Sunday.

Data point #5. I invite he and his friend over for lunch. They come, friend leaves, he stays, the entire rest of the day.

Data point #6. He makes lunch plans with me when he misses his flight the next day.

Data point #7. He texts me that night to say goodbye because he's leaving in the morning.

Data point #8. He texts me in the morning to tell me not to be too sad about him making his flight this time.

Data point #9. We text the rest of the day- fun, funny, and he keeps it going.

Data point #10. I send a text the next day, he keeps conversation going the rest of the day.

Data point #11. Apparently absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it's more like out-of-sight, out-of-mind.

Maybe I am only seeing the data the supports what I want to see, but c'mon, that seemed like some pretty clear cut interest. Maybe just not enough to try and keep it going from different states? Oh, another data point to mention, he ended up having to work in Oregon (not Idaho) over the summer, and he found that out right when he got back from his weekend camping trip. Is that what changed things? Oregon is much farther from Utah than Idaho after all.

Now onto example number two of why I'm questioning my ability to read a man's signals. For this one I'm going to make you dig back in your memory banks for Happy McSmiles. I had been really excited, then not so excited, then back to a healthy level of excitement. I was sure that he had been flirting with me, especially after he read a bunch of my (non-anonymous) blog and messaged with me on facebook, and all kinds of little things. He comes and talks to me every chance he gets when I see him at Place, and I always figured he was either too shy to get my number, or there had never been an opportune moment without other peering eyes around. Again, I'm sure this was me misinterpreting everything.

What really felt like a slap in the face happened a couple of weeks ago. He was asking if I ever date shorter guys (I'm tall and I thought that he and I were the same height). I said that I have before, and if the guy is comfortable with it, I don't think it's too big of a deal. He then replies that he doesn't think he could do that, because he has "a friend who is the same height as you" that he can tell likes him, but he just couldn't date.

What the- mixed signals? This could easily turn into a rant about how lame it is to exclude someone from your dating pool for a half-inch height difference, but we'll have to save that for another day. Mostly I just think it's time for me to re-calibrate how I interpret interest from a guy. Or is there another problem at hand here that I am not seeing?

Yours Truly,

The Closer

A Happy Farewell

The World's Shortest DTR

Will a snail's pace win the race?

Back to life, back to reality

Dreams becoming reality?

I do not hook up

Online Dating 101

One of the guys

To Stay or Not to Stay... in the friend zone

A Break Up: Bark vs Bite

Weekend Update on The Lone Wanderer: Part II

Weekend Update on The Lone Wanderer

The Not-So-Lone Wanderer

When it Rains it Pours

Officially Unofficial Decisions

How Short is Too Short?

Hunting Down Some Summer Lovin'

I Hope I Get Married

Riding the Roller Coaster of Romance

Red Light, Green Light- Reading the Signals

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