A Break Up: Bark vs Bite

6/21/2012 The Closer 4 Comments

For the past week The Lone Wanderer has been gradually easing his way further and further out of clear I-am-trying-to-date-you territory. Whenever I would wait for him to initiate contact, it would be several days between conversations. Then the times when we would talk, things were much friendly, not the fun flirtation that we enjoyed for a few weeks previously. I have to admit, although feeling ignored and neglected made me annoyed, it also was a relief. He and I seem to speak different love languages, and I don't think either of us was invested enough to learn a new language for the other, and that just leaves you with two people that never feel loved.

I finally confronted the elephant in the room last night. I asked him if he was trying to date me or just be my friend, because I couldn't tell anymore. This led to a conversation about the difficulties of trying to date long distance. At this point, I'm not sure that we would have worked even if he did live in town, but I think that was a nice and easy way for neither of us to feel scorned and rejected. It was a relatively painless and adult conversation, ending with the decision to just be friends. I will be curious to see how well we can actually stay friends. On the one hand, we won't have that frustrating chemistry that comes from being near someone you once kissed, or the irritation that comes from watching that person flirt with someone new. On the other hand, the effort required to stay in contact with a once-interest-now-a-friend-who-doesn't-live-here will be harder to find the motivation for, as the excitement of romance has now dissipated. *sigh

Overall I feel good. I think this was a good call, and I'm happy that he and I are on the same page.

This whole experience with The Lone Wanderer has brought me to a surprising realization. When I was around The Lone Wanderer, I felt good sometimes, but I also felt unsettled and insecure and not myself. The day after coming back from Idaho I was in worry-ridden daze. That next night Mr. Manager dropped off potatoes (yes potatoes, it's an inside joke) in hopes of borrowing my crock pot. I brought over the crock pot and stayed to chat with him for a few minutes. Literally within those minutes, I felt light, and happy, and worth a million bucks. It was such a startling comparison. That's how I want to feel around the man I marry. I want to feel just like I do around Mr. Manager.  ...Except maybe with more butterflies.

While I was writing this post, I heard the familiar clank of a piece of bark on my window. At least a couple of times a week, Mr. Manager throws a piece of bark at my window before he goes to bed (he lives right next door). I don't know why he did it the first time, but he did, and now he thinks it's funny, so whenever he goes out and sees that the light is on in my bedroom, picks up a piece of bark from the flower bed, and throws it at my window. I smiled when I heard it.

Then there are times like the other day when we were talking and he prefaced a question with "If you were a girl".

IF I was a girl? 

I didn't smile when I heard that. I think I glared at him.

If you were me (you know, a girl), would you think you were this guy's BFF and nothing more, or that maybe he was a little bit in love with you back?

Yours Truly,

The Closer