I always choose flight....

11/30/2011 The Blue Stocking 21 Comments

Hello! I feel like we haven’t talked in a while and I have to say I missed you. I was going to wait till Monday to post, but the funniest thing just happened in the library and I had to tell you. For you to fully realize the craziness that is contained by this blogger you read on a regular basis let me take you back to last week.

I was leaving the library and I ran into a cute guy who employed a clever ruse to stop me for a little conversation, one that was ever so delightful. Do you know those moments where you feel very witty, well I had that moment for about 15 min and at the end of our little chat he asked me for my number.

Bold eh?

I think having a random guy get your number after only just meeting you is quite possible the most flattering thing that can happen.

I actually had something similar happen to me a week before. I was at a party in the middle of the dance floor when I ran into an incredible attractive guy. We talked for about 5 minutes {it’s hard to carry on conversation with dance music blaring in the background}. Then his friends came to carry him away, we said our goodbyes and just when I was ready to chalk that up to just another random run in with a guy that piqued my interest, he turned around. That’s right he walk away and about three yards from me he turned around and strode back and asked for my number. I’m still smiling as I write this. But alas he has not called.

WHAT. What would possess a boy to make a bold statement about getting a girls number and then not call.

Maybe he tripped on his way out of the party, and his phone fell in a gutter, and by the time he got to it the rain water from said gutter had infiltrated every crevice in the device and had so thoroughly destroyed it that my number could no longer be recovered. Ya, that’s most likely what happened…well, probably.

Anyhoo…back to the library guy. After he got my number and I was on my way home I came to the conclusion that he was yet another number bandit, stealing girl’s numbers all over BYU campus. This was a Monday night and by Saturday I still hadn’t heard from him…good thing I built myself up for disappointment.

Sunday I left my phone at home and didn’t get back to it till late that night. To my pleasant surprise he had called twice. Since it was late I didn’t call back, but decided to wait till Monday. This is going to sound lame, but I go so busy with school that I completely forgot! I really did, I swear this semester is destroying my social life.

By Wednesday I felt too silly to call him. By Thursday I began questioning the safety value of going out with strange guys you barely know. And by Friday I was resolved that not calling was best. So of course it was just my luck that I ran into him at the library early this evening.

I was on the fourth floor, typing, minding my own business, when I looked up to find his face two rows back. We made eye contact and I freaked. I sneaked another peak just to make sure it was him and sure enough there he was. I decided to act cool and continue typing… and then I decided to take flight. After all I am a runner by nature.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how I found myself hiding on the second floor for the next two hours.

I guess the fourth floor is off limits now.

So what is wrong with me? Why didn't I call him? Why didn’t I go up and explain? Why didn’t I at least text him?

I would like to conclude this post by saying I don’t believe anyone will ever be able to pinpoint exactly what is wrong with me.

-The Blue Stocking

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November Wrap-Up

11/29/2011 The Charmer 9 Comments

I am sort of at a loss as to what I should write about today.

This is a new phenomenon for me. I usually have way too much to say (which is always why my posts are so long).

So, I'll put it out to you guys. Is there anything you're dying to ask me? Any random thing you're longing to know about me? Give me some FAQs to answer. You can post them in the comments or send an email to byudates@gmail.com.

However, I would like to take a moment to say thank you! to all of you who took my November challenge and especially to those of you who sent in success stories. I'd still love to hear from you if anything good came out of it. I know this might sound cheesy, but I honestly think that post was inspired. That's not at all what I was planning to write about that day...but in the midst of drafting my post, the idea just came to me and I ran with it. I'm so glad I did, as it sounds like a handful of you have had very good fortune after deciding to step a little outside of your comfort zone.

A little snippet of one of our reader's success stories:
One reader told me that she was "painfully shy" and "scared of boys." When she first read the challenge, she "scoffed" because as she put it, "I am not a bold person. At all."
But then she started thinking about it...and she decided to take the plunge and tell one of her best guy friends (who she also happens to like a lot) that she would love to go on a date with him. She then said,
To my surprise (and utter delight), he replied, "Yeah, I've actually been thinking about that."

We do not have a date set up yet. He is not interested in me romantically in any way. But I feel good. If nothing else, I feel like I have grown from this experience. To be perfectly honest, I'm extremely proud of myself. :)

So thank you for your encouragement!

Oh, you certainly deserve to be proud of yourself--that's not an easy thing to do! I'm proud of you, too! It warmed my heart to hear your story!

Another exciting story actually involves the blog Waited For a Sister Missionary, if any of you are familiar with it.
Basically, the author of this blog waited for a sister missionary. Things didn't work out. If you read his most recent posts, you'll discover that he has begun falling for a girl he calls Mirage.
Well, guess what?! Mirage just happens to be a loyal reader (and commenter!) on our blog!
I was extremely excited to read her email since it started out with Even just starting to write this, my heart is beating so frantically, it's ridiculous. (Twitterpation has been experienced by yours truly before, but NEVER to this degree, so that should give you some idea as to where this is headed.)

And here's her story about what happened...
I started reading [Waiting for a Sister Missionary]. And then I kept reading. And kept reading. AND KEPT READING. The more I read, I thought, "This guy is literally my dream man. I want to meet him. I want to date him." In reading his blog more I had quickly discovered that things were not looking positive with the sister missionary. She was home, and didn't appear to be particularly interested in rekindling what they'd had. So, at the request of the Charmer to 'just go for it' or whatever it was that she said, I went for it. I sent him an email as well as commented on his blog. (Oh so bold, right?)

And then...he commented back and conversation ensued. And then they became friends on Facebook and talked some more. Then they went on a date...and things just started falling into place. I decided I'd also share Mirage's final advice with all of you:

Long story short, thanks to 'just doing it', I am dating the greatest guy I've ever had the pleasure of associating with. Thanks Charmer, call me cheesy, but I didn't know it could be this good. :)

And, to all of you doubting Thomasinas out there, JUST DO IT. It may not seem like much, but a simple comment on a blog post got me into the best relationship I've ever been in. As our dear friend Brother Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates," but you have to actually reach into the box and grab a chocolate!

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us, Mirage!

Anyways, there's still one day left in November if you've been considering my challenge and have yet to take part.

I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving! Good luck finishing out the semester!

Kisses,
The Charmer

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Well I Think You Need to be More… Flexible

11/28/2011 The Anti-Austen 12 Comments

Hey folks,

In an attempt to be more relatable and be less of a mysterious advice-bearing dapper man [because who can reject paisley?], I’m going to mix in my dating stories/situations with my advice that I wanted to share with y’all last week.

Part of the reason that the Dating Game in Provo is so hard is because everyone takes it too seriously.

Try not to care or worry too much. Be spontaneous. Be open to unstructured plans.

Let me introduce you to Fraulein. She’s a girl I met through work back in February, and she remembered me when she reappeared at work on Friday. We chatted again, and when she came back again on Saturday, we discussed our evenings – neither of us had plans. I picked her up later for a nonchalant dessert date. Conversation flowed well, and I would definitely ask her on a second date if she hadn’t already graduated and lived out of state.

Lesson one: If a guy asks you on a random date on the day of, don’t refuse him simply on principle. [If he’s a complete creeper, however, you may refuse.] Individual situations always change; maybe he only just worked up the courage to ask you out. If you don’t have official plans, humor another human and humble yourself. You may be surprised by a spur-of-the-moment date.

Another lady friend, Matilda Jeffries, is in my ward. We spend a fair amount of time together through a variety of apartment/ward activities, and I’ve always thought she was attractive. Our personalities are similar, and we’ve even had a fun-filled 6+ hour one-on-one adventure. However, her roommate has told me that she’s not interested, and I therefore became less interested in the relationship.

Lesson two: Don’t be afraid to sacrifice a potential relationship for a lasting friendship. I’ve been friendzone’d by countless females, but I am happy about many of those situations. I feel like I’m better friends with a lot of these girls simply because we didn’t think it would work out if we dated.

I’ve lately noticed Matilda spending some time with another guy in the ward who is much more handsome and studly than I. A younger, less experienced version and I would mope and whine about how I “never get the girl.” I would ask useless, hypothetical questions like “why wouldn’t she pick me, then? What does he have that I don’t?”

Lesson three: Questions like those help no one. They reemphasize my lack of self-esteem and encourage my to find things wrong with myself. Or I could simply walk away from the situation with a casual “Good for her. I’m happy for her.” Because frankly, the dating game is hard, and I would be a sick and twisted person if I wished upon anyone to stay in the dating pool forever and never leave. Also, Matilda has never dated anyone before, so she could use the experience. The less selfish and greedy I am, the happier I am with my dating situation.

The last girl that deserves mention tonight is Miss Sora. We met through our on-campus jobs and became friends who went on lots of dates, hung out a lot, cuddled, and held hands. We have very similar interests, personalities, and humor styles. We never kissed or officially “dated”; we took our time with the relationship, and I was happy with that. After one week of minimal communication, however, we talked about the situation. She told me that her feelings for me hadn’t developed in the way she was hoping over the past three or four weeks. I expressed similar feelings, and we “parted the closest of friends” [thanks, Billy Joel]. We are still friends, and we are both very happy that we communicated our feelings clearly and openly, thereby avoiding all potential awkwardness.

Lesson four: Communicate. Don’t be reluctant to share your feelings and be emotionally involved in a relationship. Note: “emotionally involved” and “emotionally invested” are different. Don’t completely validate your existence by whether or not a relationship works. Don’t weep bitter tears into your pillow because he decided he wasn’t interested, or if she doesn’t want to date anyone right now [she actually just doesn’t want to date you… but that’s not the point]. So engage in some emotional interaction, but be mentally and emotionally prepared for all outcomes. Allow yourself room to be disappointed – that same space can potentially also bring you great happiness.

In summary, think of the scene from the Incredibles that uses the title to this post. After Elastigirl says that, Mr. Incredible stammers out a “Are you doing anything tonight?” And that, my friends, is my invitation to you. Be flexible – in four ways:

1. Be spontaneous. Invite someone on a spur-of-the-moment date.

2. Be able to change your course if you know your train won’t be received at the destination. Decide that you don’t need roads where you’re going, and point your train to the sky.

3. Don’t get in a rut. Be able to change and be changed. More importantly, accept changes.

4. Don’t get your expectations up. Unless you expect every single outcome and will be happy with whatever happens.

Good luck with your dating lives, my friends. Dating is like our fair Brigham Young University – it is not without challenges, but we have the option every semester to sign up for STAC 125 – Flexibility. I still think that would be a fun class to take. [Who wants to take it with me next semester?]

Cheers,

Colonel Paisley

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A “Mysterious Encounter”: A Guest Post

11/26/2011 The Anti-Austen 2 Comments

Imagine everything that can go wrong before a date—go ahead, just imagine it. Your dress could rip, you could spill perfume all over yourself, you could become violently ill with no warning, you could lose your keys and/or deodorant. Your roommate and FHE brother could get into a ridiculous, loud argument about a small spider on the wall and the various methods that could be used to kill said spider. Your roommates could insist upon creeping right behind the door, waiting anxiously for your date to come pick you up so they can catch a glimpse of him before you do.

Those last two happened to me. In fact, I’m quite sure that Featherstone heard the tail end of the rather loud spider argument. As far as the creepy roommates go, imagine opening a door, and seeing three girls standing right in front of the door, smiling awkwardly and hiding giggles, and then the afore-mentioned arguers peeking from around the corner down the hall. If Featherstone was un-creeped out by this, he is even better than I thought!

Despite the horrible self-consciousness that this inspired in me, I managed to coherently introduce myself and smile as he introduced himself. The introductions consisted mainly of “Well…this is me!” and an answering laugh and “Yeah….this is me!” This awkward-ness, of course, was due to the fact that I had already pretty much poured my soul out over email and I’d read his post here on the blog. But we pushed through! The awkward-ness was quickly dispelled.

We went to get ice cream and to discern the clues given with our tickets. I just have to say—there were so many things to remember! I had no idea how I was going to ever be able to recall the details we needed to solve the mystery…but while we read and ate ice cream, I learned a little bit more about Featherstone McGee.

Five Fun Facts:

1. Featherstone watches Psych! (Yay!)

2. He’s also seen “10 Things I Hate About You” which is a movie I, myself, have never even seen!

3. He’s one of those shy guys—but the kind that tries not to be shy.

4. He has a fantastic smile

5. He is a perfect gentleman. Honest. If any of you ladies are wondering, he held every door open for me, including the car door. He even pulled my chair out as we sat down to get ice cream and to eat, which is difficult for a male to do un-awkwardly. He acted very well, he asked questions about me and listened to the answers (this shouldn’t be, but is rare). In short (though I’ve already taken longer than the rest of the list put together), Featherstone was the perfect picture of gentleman-ness and propriety and friendship.

Perhaps the most intriguing part of the night was the back-and-forth game of “I know who you are” played between us and The Charmer. She is, in fact, “quite charming” and was “quite charmed” to meet the two of us. Featherstone was a little disgruntled that she stole his line (he had planned to discover her first and then use the “I’m charmed to meet you” line on her to show her that he knew who she was, but she used it on us first!).

I won’t bore you with all the details of the date—it is MY story to keep for myself, after all. But I will say this: even though we didn’t solve the mystery (correctly, that is), I still had a blast.

Grateful and happy and sorry-to-have-taken-so-long and even-maybe-a-little-bit-“Charmed”,

The Chosen One

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The chronicles of one, Featherstone McGee

11/25/2011 The Anti-Austen 4 Comments

First off, Happy Black Friday everybody! May you find the deals (and afterward, the sleep) you’re searching for! I’ve never been one for early (3am style) Black Friday shopping. I value my sleep too much. Also, I hope you all had wonderful Thanksgivings. I spent mine with a friend and her family at a cabin in Sundance. It’s gorgeous up there! Now, on to the good stuff:

My dating life has been very off and on since The Breakup nearly two years ago. There have been a few breakups in my life, but this one is the only one deserving of capital letters. Recently (as in the past several months) I’ve started dating again. The number of women in my life is few, but thanks to the Charmer’s Challenge (also deserving of capital letters) my dating life is beginning to pick up again.

And now, an introduction to the cast! In order of appearance:

Miss Comfortable: Miss Comfortable is one of my best friends and is so named because we have a comfortable (and somewhat flirty) friendship and we’re at ease talking with each other about anything. She’s often the one I go to for advice and vice versa. We met at work years ago and have been friends ever since. Just yesterday I had Thanksgiving dinner with Miss Comfortable and her family at a cabin up at Sundance. She makes a mean pecan pie and loves to shoot.

The Politician: The Politician is another girl that I met at work (apparently a prime place to meet new people if all you do is go to school and work). She really is a great girl. I liked her and she liked me. We have had several good dates, the most memorable being a late night meteor shower/improvised dance party. However, I have recently given up on dates with The Politician because, well, she has flip-flopped between really wanting to date me and not wanting to date at all more times than I can count – the John Kerry of my dating life. The confusion was too frustrating for me and I didn’t like always having to check with Miss Comfortable to see what The Politician’s latest stance was (I’m pro-dating myself).

BrightEyes: While the alias itself may be self-explanatory, I would not be doing it justice unless I tell you that the very first thing I noticed about her was how beautiful her eyes were and how brilliantly they shined. We met for the first time only two weeks ago just before the Murder Mystery Dinner (you’ll have the opportunity to hear more about this from her tomorrow) and had a wonderful evening. She didn’t even get mad at me when I gave one of the actresses bunny ears (in my defense, said actress never noticed). She also managed to single-handedly respark my interest in literature.

Most recently we watched 17 Miracles together in the Varsity Theater of the Wilk. We laughed, we cried (yes, me too), we made little side comments. It really is quite an emotional movie. Afterward, we talked until the employees at the Wilk kicked us out. We bounced around covering topics ranging from pranks we’ve pulled to the hardships of the pioneers. After we left, I walked her home and we stood outside her door and continued to talk. Our conversation was interrupted only by a brief snowball fight (never, and I mean never pull your snow from thorny bushes) and moments spent gazing at the beauty of the lightly falling snow. We finally parted around 1am and I didn’t get to bed until 3 or 4, since I was under the impression that going to bed would mean the end of an amazing night and I wanted to postpone that end as long as possible.

So there you have it. This is, in a nutshell, the dating life of one Featherstone McGee. In the future, I will try to provide you with more detailed accounts that will hopefully strengthen your faith in men (or at least in me).

Oh, and I do have a blind date tonight with my friend’s wife’s friend. “As a missionary, the best investigators came through referrals, [Insert Featherstone’s real name here]. My wife says you’ll like her. Consider this a referral.”

Until next time,

Featherstone McGee

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Featherstone's 20 Questions

11/23/2011 The Anti-Austen 15 Comments

Okay guys (and gals – probably mostly gals). Lately I’ve been trying to decide what I should write about. I’ve been a little busier than usual this past week (and I can’t complain one bit – life has been very good to me lately).

The problem:

Unfortunately I won’t be able to go home for Thanksgiving, all of my local family members are headed off to their in-laws’ this year, and my roommates and many of my friends have already headed out for the break. This means that I’ll have plenty of free time to write (since BYU only lets me work so many hours and, let’s face it, I can only watch so many movies by myself before I go insane).

The solution:

I would like to hear what you think I should write about. Would you like to hear about my dating life? Or maybe my views on some dating/relationship-related topic like last time? You tell me what you’d like to read (leave it in the comments or email me at featherstone.mcgee@gmail.com) and if I feel that I can write about it, I will write about it.

To tide you over until I’ve written something, I present you with a small gift that I hope you will enjoy. As part of their entry, someone suggested that I fill out my own answers to the 20 Questions once the event is over so that you can get a better idea of who I am. After all, it would only be fair, right? I thought it would be fun, so here they are!

20 Questions:

Describe your perfect date in 15 words or less:

Cat person or dog person? I’m definitely a dog person. I have two back home – a little one and a big one. I prefer big dogs, but my little one has been a close friend for nearly a dozen years and he is a beloved exception. I want to get an Alaskan Malamute when I get a place of my own.

Least favorite movie genre? Exorcism movies, hands down. Just can’t do ‘em.

Second favorite book? The Harry Potter series occupies positions 1-7 on my list of favorite non-scriptural books.

Dessert of choice? I have a weakness for gooey chocolate chip cookies.

Favorite season? Fall, when the weather is nice and the leaves change color. It’s amazing.

Favorite activity to do in aforementioned season? Anything that allows me to enjoy the outdoors, especially if I get the chance to take pictures while doing it. This one came from an afternoon drive down Provo Canyon.

What kind of music do you listen to? I listen to everything. Not everyone, not every song, but a bit of everything. From classical music with nature sounds to hip hop to rock in many of its glorious forms to Christian.

Are you more of a city person or a country person? I mostly grew up in small towns, so I’ve developed an affinity for small-town life. Then on my mission I became fascinated with a certain big city in which I lived for a short while. Now I’m a fan of both, although I’d prefer to live in a small town.

If you could have lunch with any person from past or present, who would it be and what would you order? I would have lunch with my maternal grandfather and we would have sausage biscuits made from frozen biscuits and pre-cooked sausage (there is sentimental value in this). Also, I would invite my mother so that they could see each other again.

What are three things that set you apart/make you different from the rest of the girls in Provo?

1. I’m a guy (this is a big one).

2. All of the things that the above answer entails.

3. I’m not a Twilight fan.

Are you a clever person? i.e. if I take you to the murder mystery dinner, will you be a useful addition to my mystery-solving team? I’m a somewhat clever person. It really depends on the situation. Sometimes I can be very clever and other times…well, we don’t need to go there.

What are you most passionate about? I’m most passionate about the people I care about. My friends and family know that I have their back and that I will do anything to help them with their troubles or to make them happy. I’ve always got a listening ear and a helping hand, no matter what the situation may be or when it may occur. Waking up at 3am to the pleading texts of a confused friend is not an irregular occurrence.

What is your favorite scripture and why? Alma 7:11-13, although the surrounding verses are also quite good. Those verses got me through some hard times. They were the verses that first helped me understand that the Atonement didn’t cover just our sins – it covered every life experience that we would ever encounter. To know that someone close to me understands so perfectly what I’m going through has been a great blessing to me in my life.

If you were granted three wishes what would they be?

1.To benefit the lives of those I come in contact with.

2. Financial security for myself and my family.

3. To find love. Don’t laugh.

What is the most adventurous thing you've ever done? Horseback riding just after sunrise on the beaches of a small island off the coast of the Florida-Georgia border.

What makes you laugh? Life. Too broad? Not so! Sister Hinckley once said “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”

What is the silliest-sounding word you know? Doppleganger.

If a movie was made of your life, the soundtrack would consist mainly of songs by:

It’s definitely an unfinished list, but my soundtrack would include songs such as:

Dashboard Confessional – Vindicated

Brandon Heath – Wait and See

Brandon Heath – Love Never Fails

Casting Crowns – Who Am I

LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem

Lupe Fiasco – Show Goes On

Montgomery Gentry – Back When I Knew it All

Sawyer Brown – Some Girls Do

Simple Plan – I’d Do Anything

Rascal Flatts – Bless the Broken Road

Gym Class Heroes – Stereo Heart

…and one day…

Alabama – Treat Her Right

Height? 5’7”

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The Ex Files

11/22/2011 The Charmer 8 Comments

Before I jump into my story, just the tiniest bit of business to get out of the way.
First off, I hope you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving! Eat a lot, spend time with fun people, and please, be safe in your travels. I'll be going home tomorrow and I'm thrilled. I haven't gone home for Thanksgiving since I came out to BYU and so this is quite a monumental occasion.
Oh and Mr. Director is coming with me.
(It's the crucial "Can-I-spend-14-hours-in-a-car-with-you" and the "How-do-you-interact-with-my-family" tests all rolled into one week. Poor Mr. Dir.)
Tee hee.

Secondly, I would like to apologize to Featherstone McGee and his lovely date for appearing to be a total date stalker, or as he politely termed it, the "Guardian Angel of Dating." I promise I wasn't trying to creep on you and I don't actually follow you everywhere you go, even though it might appear that way. Promise.

Okay. Story time.
...............................

I haven't really written much about The Ex on this blog. By the time I started writing here, that story was pretty much a closed book (or so I thought). It had ended about 4 months earlier, and so even though I've alluded to him a few times, I never felt like diving in and giving you the heart-wrenching details. Better to put your past behind you, right? (Or as Puumba of Lion King fame would say, "You've gotta put your behind in your past.")

Anyways, the story of The Ex is much too long to ever give you the full account. It literally takes me an hour to tell. And no, that is not a joke. I'll give you the Cliffnotes version:

The Charmer dated a very nice boy for a very long time. Things were going very well. The Charmer and said boy talked a lot about getting married.
This nice boy had a tragedy occur. Things were very difficult for him and for The Charmer as well.
The nice boy and The Charmer took a break so that the boy could figure things out.
Sadness ensued.
The Charmer and the nice boy started seeing each other again and decided to get back together.
The boy decided that he still needed to get things straightened out in his life and that he was not ready to let The Charmer back in.
Extreme sadness ensued. The Charmer was not herself for a very long time.
The next year, the boy and The Charmer gave it another try. The boy seemed to be okay and nearly back to normal. The Charmer really wanted things to work out.
The two dated for a few rocky months. Things were rough, mainly because the boy didn't treat The Charmer as well as he had the first time around.
The boy decided he didn't love The Charmer and didn't want to be dating her anymore. He broke it off again.
The boy became The Ex.
Nursing a fractured heart, The Charmer tried to cautiously re-enter the dating scene but was instead thrust into it headfirst by the emergence of far too many boys who were suddenly interested.
Very shortly after this episode of heartbreak, The Charmer began writing on a wonderful dating blog and her dating life began to amuse and inspire strangers.
THE END (?)

I was, naturally, dealing with some very hurt feelings during the first few months of writing on this blog. It didn't help that I was literally running into The Ex on a weekly basis (actually more like an "every-other-day"ly basis). We got to the point where we were okay talking/being in the same room, which was a good thing since we were ending up at the same parties. Obviously, seeing him was still weird. But it was a sort-of-okay weird.

And then came the day when we finally reached the point where we were really friends. The awkwardness was gone. The bitterness had evaporated. I ran into him on the Saturday following the Piano Man kiss. He was heading to lunch and so I joined him. It was wonderful! We talked and laughed and had a good time and I could tell he was finally himself again. I realized that I had finally reached the point where I didn't "long" to be with him. He had just become a good friend whom I could confide in and talk to about my life; I told him about Masimo and Piano Man and he gave me advice. It was such a relief to know that the hurts inflicted on both sides had been healed. Then, because of a random turn of events, I actually ended up at his house for dinner as well. He said a couple of odd things to me, like "We should do something again" and told me I looked pretty, but I didn't think much of it. I figured it was nothing.

A couple weeks later, after I'd just started dating Mr. Director, The Ex asked if I would be willing to go with him to pay a special visit. I was touched that he'd asked me, since I knew this was very important to him and it involved the very difficult events of last summer. We went, and afterwards we ended up just sitting and talking for about three hours. It was a really good chat. So good, in fact, that I found myself wanting to keep talking. That day, I realized that next to my best friend, The Ex really knows me better than anyone else in the world.
There was something very familiar and reassuring about sitting there in the autumn sunshine with him. I discovered that afternoon that the door marked "The Ex" wasn't quite as closed as I had previously thought...and I could tell that he felt it, too.

Anyways, I decided that I couldn't dwell on thoughts of The Ex. I was, after all, dating a wonderful boy and I was (am) very interested to see where it goes. I talked to The Ex semi-frequently after that Saturday, and he even came over to my house once to pick up a very belated birthday present for his brother. Sometime in the midst of all this, he let me know that he wanted to talk to me about something. Now, because I know The Ex so well and I like to think that I have a bit of a 6th sense about boys, I was fairly certain I knew exactly what this conversation would be about.

I agreed to meet up with him one day and discovered that I had been right. Basically, the gist of what he told me was that he felt terrible for the way he had treated me the second time around, I'd been there through some very hard times and he really appreciated that, and he still had feelings for me. He told me that if things didn't work out between Mr. Director and myself, he would be interested in trying to pick things up again.

I'd been worried that this was the direction the conversation would take. But then, he surprised me. He looked at me and said, "Honestly, Charmer...you're still the love of my life."

Wow. I was not expecting that.

He asked for my feelings on the matter and I told him that I was committed to Mr. Director and that I felt very good about how our relationship was progressing. I admitted that I wasn't as over him (The Ex) as I had originally thought but that I wasn't sure if I'd actually want to try and date him again. I also informed him that if things didn't work out with Mr. Dir, I would be going on my mission [which has been the plan ever since I was the ripe age of 5. Boys keep popping in and trying to change that] and so that he (The Ex) shouldn't get his hopes up.

And that was that. I haven't seen him since; Mr. Dir and I both agreed that it's probably best if I don't see a lot of The Ex. After all, I need to get over him, right? It's been interesting; I really thought that I was over him. When things are going really well with Mr. Dir, The Ex doesn't even cross my mind. But then there are times when things with Mr. Dir aren't so great, like last week, and my mind starts to stray back to The Ex. I think it's just because The Ex is so familiar; he did encompass a year and a half of my life, after all. They always say that "old habits die hard," and so I think that's the only real problem. It also doesn't help that I really care a lot about him as person and a friend, and I want him to be happy. However, I'm almost certain that I don't want to try things with him again. We already did the whole date/break-up/date/break-up thing; it didn't work. Besides, I'm not even attracted to him anymore.

So why can't I get rid of these last little shreds of Ex lovin'? Do you think this is something I should be concerned about? For those of you who have had similar experiences, how long did it take before those feelings went away?

Sigh,
The Charmer

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Have I told you lately that I love you?

11/21/2011 The Lady 8 Comments

Dearest Darling Reader Friends,

I just wanted to jot down a short note, to tell you thank you.

I was contacted today from the blogging competition crew, and they informed me that...

WE WON THE COMPETITION!!!

So now, the Anti-Austens are going to receive a Kindle in the mail, which we will work out how to share...Perhaps we will take shifts with it...

But the Kindle isn't the important thing here, it's the fact that we won, and you helped us to do it! We got second-place for total votes, a mere 12 votes behind the first-place winner. But the judges were just tickled with our blog, so voila!

Thank you for being so supportive and doing us this enormous favor. I wish I could hug you all, but I guess you'll just have to hug your monitors instead...

Thanks Again,

The Coquette

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Once a schmutz, always a schmutz.

11/17/2011 The Anti-Austen 9 Comments

Dear Anti-Austins,
I know you probably get a million of these, probably all full of imperative, need-to-know-now information. But I could use your help.
I've seen this situation build and build over years, and it's kind of starting to explode in my face. So now I'm left drifting in this state of confusion, wondering what I should do.
So here's the story: ( warning, it's long and potentially confusing.)
I've liked this guy for almost 2 years. But it's been an incredibly insane roller coaster of emotion. One week we'd be crazy for each other, the next he wouldn't even talk to me. As in completely ignore me. Like I was a disease. It got to the point where I was getting my feelings hurt so often, I thought my only choice was to cut him off cold turkey. I told him that "I think we need to break off." after almost a Year of "dating" AKA on and off again Twitterpation. and then. He didn't talk to me for 4 months.
In any other situation that would've been just fine with me, but unfortunately, me and him are on the same swim team. AKA- I see him for six hours every day.
Awkward? Yes.
Then, after ignoring each other for almost 5 months, our team went to Oregon for a traveling meet. The first 2 days he ragged on me constantly. But it wasn't just playful teasing. It was poignant, cunning, and just plain rude. It got so bad that other team members were starting to ask me questions regularly. Does he insult me in an attempt to flirt? Fail. Then, on the last day we were in Oregon, we all went and saw a movie. Somehow, call it karma, I ended up sitting next to him. AND THEN, out of the clear blue sky, this kid, let's call him The Maniac, reaches for my hand. I didn't know what to do. Don't get me wrong, I really like The Maniac. I mean, I've put up with him for nearly 2 years. But after a while I can't handle the.. Er.. Instability. So, long story short, I let him hold my hand. Partly because I didn't think it was a big deal, and partly because I think i wanted him to. I tried to ignore the fact that this would probably cause drama.
Oh and it did.
Apparently this incident made The Maniac think we were destined to be together. On the plane ride home I had the nerve to ask him about it, and he said "I just can't be happy without you." this should've made me happy, right? Considering I've liked him for 2 years? But I was still... On the edge. Something wasn't right.
Ever since then I've been trying to decide whether or not I want to be in a relationship with this kid, while he thinks we are. I haven't had the nerve to tell him that I didn't know what I wanted.. Because, From the beginning it's always been hot and cold, up and down. But now he wants to be with me and that's what I had wanted all along. Why did it feel so off?
Then I got the phone call.
About 3 weeks ago at 1 in the morning, The Maniac called me. In this conversation he decided to finally disclose some information that shocked me. Basically he had lied to me about his religion ( which I thought was Mormon because that's what he TOLD me he was) for the entire time I've known him. Not so, Anti-Austins. NOT SO.
I raged.
Not only did he blatantly lie to my face, he still had the nerve to ask me to be with him forever. Where did this come from.
After telling him that's not at all realistic, he hung up on me. I stayed up, mulling over the feelings that I know I still have for him, but are pointless now.
And then, ready?
There's The Missionary. Of course. Typical, right? Hes fantastic, and I'm rather crazy about him. He's funny, cute, and stable. He's exactly what I want.
BUT. He's leaving.
So, Anti-Austins, here's my dilemma.
How do I get the feelings I have for The Maniac to go away, when the one person who gets him off my mind is leaving the country for 2 years? Do I write the missionary? And still keep up the relationship while he's gone? Or find other ways to distract my incredibly inconvenient feelings and let The Missionary do his job? Do I talk to the Maniac? Or would that only lead him on and cause him to start flirt-insulting me again?
Aahhh. Help!
Sincerely, Anxiously Debating.

Dear Anxiously Debating,
Be anxious no more, because I have the answers for you my friend.

First of all, this boy/man is a schmutz. (Not to be confused with the word "schmuck" which is in fact a very dirty word).

What is a schmutz?

The word is a term coined by a dear friend of mine, who if ever found this blog would know of my identity in an instant just by the use of this word, and my anonymity would be ruined. But I give you permission to use it although I did not create the word myself, and am taking a huge risk by using it on the blog, so please use discretion when incorporating this practical word into your everyday speech.

Although this word seems like a good word to use for all sorts of occasions, it is in fact not to be used willy-nilly and has specific meanings.

For example:
1. Hey, you've got a little schmutz on your shirt. (Referring to a piece of lint or a dollop of ketchup or any other food...schmutz).
2. Eww, I look schmutzy. (Referring to any state of haggard dress or appearance).
3. That girl is a schmutz. (Referring to any sort of sleazy/floozy-type of woman).
4. He is a schmutz. (Referring to any man that may be classified as a tool, a player, a perpetual liar, or any other sort of quality one does not find agreeable).

And we, the Anti-Austens, firmly and deeply believe: Thou shalt not date schmutzes, nor let your friends date any manner of schmutz.

The Maniac, is simply, a schmutz. He has used you, he has hurt you, and he has lied to you about something incredibly important. Although he may have redeeming qualities, as most people do, it is not worth your time, nor the trouble to try and date and/or reform a schmutz.

So let him be. Once again (as is always the case) this is ever so much easier to say than it is to actually do.

The ever so wise Blue Stocking once upon a time said: When trying to get over a boy, you have three options. 1. Begin dating someone new. 2. Let time heal your wounds. 3. I cannot for the life of me remember what this was...but I doubt it was very important...Maybe?

So carry on my friend. Feelings for a certain person don't just automatically fade, it is a process that will always take time. You owe this Maniac nothing, so don't put yourself in a situation where he may begin flirt-insulting you again. Schmutzes will be schmutzes, and women have no use for such things.

As for The Missionary, don't worry about it. He is a missionary. Write to him to uplift him and encourage him, but by all means do not send him any sort of love letter. Missionaries are nothing to worry about until they get home, mainly because of the fact that nothing can be done regarding them until they get home. I have discovered that only through being interested in several missionaries.

So you my friend have a lot less to worry about than you thought you did. Please don't think that I am discrediting your troubles, it is just that in most cases, the best advice we can give to ourselves when we worry about such things is to just "chill". Simple as that.

Con Amor,
The Coquette

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The last man I could ever be prevailed upon to marry. Episode Two.

11/16/2011 The Lady 11 Comments

I am still debating whether my first or second date with Mr. Collins was the worse of the two.

But please allow me to explain how Mr. Collins finagled me into this second date. If you were thinking he asked for a date and I replied with a simple, "Yes," you are dead wrong my friends.

Mr. Collins hopped his little self over to my apartment to discover me studying at the kitchen table. Which is truly unfortunate because I rarely ever study at my kitchen table. So there I was completely vulnerable with nothing but a book of Shakespeare as a weapon. Heavy though it may be, Shakespeare did not help me that night. In fact he was my downfall.

"Hey, you know a lot about poetry right?" Mr. Collins asked, noticing the large book perched in front of me.

I shrugged my shoulders. Just because I might study Shakespeare does not mean that I am an automatic expert on the subject of balladry.

"I'm in a literature class right now, and could really use some help," he explained. "Do you think we could talk about poetry some time?"

I mumbled something about not being adept in poetry analysis, but I could help a little.

"Great, it's a date," he said excitedly.

"NO. It is not a date. You can come over and I will try to help you, but we are not going on a date."

"Why are you trying to get out of going out with me?"

"Probably because I do not want to go out."

"Why?"

Now please allow me to explain an important detail. My relationship with Mr. Collins lies somewhere between acquaintanceship and friendship. He frequents our apartment, and most of the time I do not mind at all. He is not a horrid human being, but like I said: socially inept. Quirky. Quite quirky.

And because I do count Mr. Collins as an acquaintance/friend, I did not want to give an "ultimate punch" to his already fragile confidence by saying, "Because I cannot stand being alone with you." Though I believe in honesty, I believe more firmly that barefaced honesty should be avoided if it will damage another human being.

Naturally, I skirted around the object as best I could. "I don't really like going on dates. I'm not much of the dating sort." A blatant lie. In fact to avoid telling the truth to Mr. Collins on multiple occasions, he now believes that I hate dating, that I am a man-hater, I abhor physical contact with the opposite sex, and that I am also anti-marriage. And if you have read even one of my other posts, you would know how utterly ridiculous these claims are.

And yet Mr. Collins did not yield.

After forty-five minutes (not an exaggeration) of telling, pleading, threatening, and demanding, Mr. Collins left my house convinced that we was to pick me up on Friday for a poetry date. (Please tell me that you pictured the real Mr. Collins' proposal to Elizabeth Bennet. The situation was entirely too ironic).

That dreaded Friday night, Mr. Collins showed up half an hour early to "hang out" before we actually went out. How thoughtful.

The nitty gritty details are irrelevant at this point.

If I may paint a picture for you:

The Coquette slouched in a chair in a crummy apartment kitchen which smells of sweaty men, rapidly throwing large, juicy tomato-like words (I have a strange fascination with throwing mental tomatoes at people I find irritating) towards Mr. Collins' face. Thinking perhaps that if she throws harder and faster, then perhaps she may be able to go home sooner. Each attempt to discuss the proposed topic (the tomatoes which have been referred to) of said date are batted at nonchalantly by the tennis racket (metaphorically speaking) of Mr. Collins, who has no real desire to talk about poetry at all. The effects of the throwing and batting result in a tomato smeared kitchen, a fuming Coquette and a gleeful Mr. Collins.

"Would you ever think about writing under a pseudonym?" Mr. Collins asked, taking another swing at a particularly messy tomato.

"I've never really considered it," I replied lamely whilst catapulting another. "This poor fool," I thought to myself. "Little does he know that I am already composing a biting piece about this date to post on the secret dating blog I write for..."

Not soon enough, Mr. Collins got tired of swatting at my tomatoes, and decided to take me home.

Once again, he followed me into my apartment uninvited, plopped himself down on the couch next to my sister, and proceeded to tell her about the date, noting that I was "awfully defensive". Luckily I did not hear this comment at the time as I had preoccupied myself with a group of friends playing Apples to Apples. I much prefer apples to tomatoes.

Eventually, Mr. Collins left without a glance in my direction and has not been back since. But all's well that ends satisfactorily because as well all know:

I do not like dates.

Con Amor,

The Coquette

P.S. Please note that we are approaching the official judging period of the

blog competition. If you have yet to vote, please go here to vote for us.

That is if you like us the best. Thank you friends!

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Success!

11/15/2011 The Charmer 9 Comments

First off, I am thrilled that so many of you decided to enter our little "win a date" contest! I was hoping we'd have eh, maybe 10 girls enter. I thought it'd be cool if we got up to 12 or something.

Well, you far surpassed my expectations.

We had 39 applications.

39!!!

Apparently quite a few of you thought this was a fun idea. Again, for those of you who didn't get chosen, I hope you don't take it too personally. After all, there were 39 applications and like Featherstone McGee let on, it was an extremely difficult decision. Anyways, if you liked our "dating game," let us know, and maybe it's something we'll do again in the future.

I did, in fact, meet up with Featherstone McGee and his lovely date on Saturday at the murder mystery. It was an extremely enjoyable evening and even though Sir McGee knew who I was the second he saw me (grumble grumble), I still had my fair share of fun. I'm really hoping the lucky winner of said date will write us a little post soon so we can hear allll about it. Also, Featherstone told me "you and Mr. Director look very good together." I was, of course, thrilled.

In other news, November is already half over! I hope you've taken my challenge and asked that person on a date. I've already gotten one WONDERFUL success story which I thought I would share with you...

My dear Charmer,

I am not outgoing. I do not pursue boys. Boys make a move, and I either accept or reject said move. Up until this point, I have been relatively comfortable with my non-boy-chasing philosophy.

But then, I met The Soccer Player.

The Soccer Player is everything a man should be- tall, tan, foreign with an incredibly attractive accent (but a strong command of English as well. That's important). He is also an amazing cook (he makes up his own recipes on the spot), dances superbly, has excellent hair, and his native language is the language I am trying desperately to learn before my study abroad next Fall. Whenever we are trying to decide on an activity, he lets me choose, using the phrase, "as you like" (my sweet Westley, anyone?). And as if he wasn't already full to the brim with swoonable qualities, he takes his religion and duty to God seriously. No, he is not LDS, but he's a smart kid; he'll figure out the Church is true soon enough. And I must confess- I am smitten. I have never been this attracted to a man... ever. Even smoking (very possibly the least attractive thing a man could ever do) looks good on him. But I'd written him off as far too gorgeous and socially adept to ever find me attractive, and I'd resigned myself to admiring from a distance.

And then I read your post. And I took your challenge. And I asked him on a date. And he held my hand. But he asked for permission first.

This man, the kind of man who asks if he can hold your hand, the kind of man and who is, by all accounts, far too cool to even consider me a possible candidate- this man likes me. A lot.

If I had never been inspired by your post and taken your challenge, I very possibly could have spent the next month focusing all my energies on getting over a boy who's obviously too good for me. Instead, I get to date him.

So thank you, Charmer. Stay awesome. I'm sorry I'm not nearly as eloquent as you are, but I had to share.

With love,

Georgiana

Oh, lovely Georgiana, your email filled me to the brim with joy!
If you have any more success stories, send them in! The only thing I like more than hearing about happy people in love is hearing about happy people who I helped to fall in love. Maybe that's incredibly vain of me. But seriously, you will make my day if you send me success stories.

(And making my day would be a wonderful thing since the past few days have been a little on the rough side. Mr. Dir and I have had our first real tussle. Don't worry, we're fine, and it might just be largely due to the fact that I'm a hormonal maniac because it's "that time of the month."But still.)

Oh, and I promise next week I'll have a good story post for you again. I realized haven't shared any ridiculous stories about my dating life recently.

Kisses,
The Charmer

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