The Ex's Best Friend

8/15/2011 The Blue Stocking 7 Comments

Last week I promised a less dreary post so I will not mention the fact that my ex is texting me or the fact the Scooter has gone full on stalker mode...yup that's right, we're all going to pretend that's not actually happening.

Instead I'm going use me posting day to ask you all a question...

Can you stay friends with you're ex's best friend?

Ok ladies here's the delio, and it's quite ex's childhood best friend wants us to remain friends.

Is that a good idea?

We were friends before and during the whole dating fiasco and he was the first to call me when it went up in flames. And even though it was a betrayal to their friendship he sided with me and said my ex (his BEST FRIEND) didn't treat me right.

The biggest problem is they're like brothers and they'll be living with each other this semester. This makes visiting him a definite no no, but he fully expects us to do just that when he gets back up here for fall.

I just feel terrible discarding a friendship with someone who has really been there for me.

So are some friendships worth the awkwardness or should I just drop it and move on? Would that be the proper thing to do?Are all relationships wrecking-balls for friendships?

Solution please

-The Blue Stocking

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Emily said...

This is definitely a difficult situation and I'm sorry it is. Ultimately, of course, the call is yours but I think it would be worthwhile to explain to your ex's best friend that if he wants to stay on friend terms, he might need to make some allowances for you. Like, not making you come over to his place. Personally, that's not so unreasonable but maybe it is for other people? I don't know.
Anyway, I wish you the best in it!

Anonymous said...

I think it's worth the awkwardness. And if you are able to not feel awkward about, then it's only the Ex's fault if he feels awkward. I had an ex who I was really close with his entire apartment, but after we broke up (mind you HE did the breaking) he would hardly even talk to me and for a long time I avoided his apartment, even though I had 5 other REALLY good friends there.

Finally I just decided it was worth the awkwardness with him to be around my other friends. I started going over there again, and chose not to be uncomfortable in his presence. If HE was uncomfortable with me being there, then HE would just have to leave or go in the back, because I refused to let my fear of the silence between us govern my life any more.

I know every situation is different, but I hope that little bit of my story helps in some small way. If you want to be friends with the Ex's best friends, then BE friends. And do so without fear. You deserve that.

Lauren said...

stay friends with him. He understands what you went through and he knows you don't want to see your he won't want you to come over to his place to hang out. I had a HORRIBLE break up about a year ago...and I am still really good friends with all my ex's best buds...and it's awesome! We just go out and do things around provo, and they know to never invite my ex. Just because he's friends with your ex shouldn't stop you from being friends with him.

hope this helps!

Katrina said...

I've actually been on the other end of this, my ex was really good friends with my best friend and my roommates, so he was always over at my apartment.

At first, it seemed like our break-up wasn't real because he was ALWAYS around. Then I began to despise that he was always around; I still liked him, even though he had moved on. (he broke up with me, but we still planned to be friends--it was really hard for a while) When it got hard, he gave me (and my friends) some distance, and I quickly realized that was all I needed. I needed space and to no longer feel like I was what tied him to my apartment. So, I stopped worrying about hanging out when he came over and he actually became better friends with my roommates. Surprisingly, I think it's what saved my friendship with not only him, but also my best friend. Now, he's on a mission and my best friend and I still keep in touch with him.

I realize my situation is quite different from your own. I guess, the lesson I get from this, is that if you can make it past the first awkward month, you can make it work. In fact, it can become one of the greatest experiences and friendships you'll ever have. I hope this helped!

Anonymous said...

SOOOOO worth it! A friend is a friend and sometimes, real friends are hard to come by. Let him know you might need to not hang out at his apartment and I'm sure he'll understand. Don't let your ex ruin something else.

Stay friends! Not only are friends hard to find, but sometimes they need to be hard to keep. It can be reassuring to know that your friendship with an exes best friend is better than your relationship with your ex. The more work/awkwardness you put into it, the better it will be and the more glad you will be that you did keep his friendship.

Anonymous said...

It's worth the awkwardness. He probably has the same question (considering he sided against his BEST FRIEND to support you) but has decided that your friendship is worth the awkwardness with your best friend. If he wants to be friends, be a friend!