Over It

7/25/2014 The Charmer 7 Comments

I hate dating.

Is it okay to say that?

I know there was a time as a freshman/sophomore/junior in college when I loved it. I loved flirting, I loved that satisfying feeling when the guy I'd had my eye on finally asked for my number, I loved picking outfits and getting all dolled up for dates, I loved coming home and discussing all the details with my roommates.

But now, just a few years later, I feel like I am so over it. This is obviously a problem if I ever plan on getting married (which, contrary to popular belief, I do). Because this is the time when it matters, right?! I'm finally at a place in life where I feel like, "Okay, I could get married...." and yet the very last thing I want to do is date.

I've just gotten to the point where I'm sick of going on dates, I'm sick of playing "the game," I'm sick of trying to decide whether or not to send a "post-date text" because I can't decide if I'm actually interested enough to pursue things further.

Maybe the problem is I just haven't been going on dates with anyone I've been particularly interested in. I did have a slight spark of excitement on Saturday when I got a call from Nevada (who I honestly thought had dropped out of the picture) asking me on a date. Unfortunately, he invited me to go see a show in Orem that he had JUST gotten tickets to. It started in 10 minutes and I was already in Salt Lake hanging out with some other friends. It was probably the most bummer moment of my week, realizing there was no way I was going to be able to make it down in time. We decided we'd do a rain check some other time...I'm hoping it actually happens.

I think all of this dating angst was probably brought on by the fact that yesterday I went on a 2nd date with a guy and on the way back to the car, out of the blue he reached over and grabbed my hand. My first reaction was complete and utter shock, since I felt like this move was totally unwarranted since as far as I could tell, I had not been giving off those sorts of vibes (no elbow touching or anything of that sort). My second reaction was that I felt a little ticked off. We'd just had a nice date and now he had to go and ruin it by putting me in an awkward position. I almost went all diva on him.

Maybe this is the feminist in me, but honestly, it made me feel a tad victimized. This wasn't the first time I've had a guy go for the hand-grab or even go for a kiss when I was totally not feeling it. Yet it seems there's this cultural expectation that as girls, when a guy makes a move we just need to go along with it.

I don't know. What do you think?

Also, is anyone else completely and totally over this whole dating thing? Maybe we should start a support group.

the charmer

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erin nicole said...


Thank you for putting this into words. Seriously, there's this missionary I'm writing and I'm pretty sure when he gets home it's on, but there's no guarantee, so I really should be dating, but I have no desire to, and the fact that I've known the guy for like four years isn't helping because it's all just THERE, ya know? Ugh. Dating is the worst. Maybe I need to get out of Provo.

kaes. said...

ew why did he grab your hand. i would have pulled away. seriously. one time i was hanging out with this kid and he kissed me after a week and that was not ok for me. so i started hanging out with a different boy and i told him how much it bothered me when boys kissed me early like that AND HE DID IT TOO. so i literally pulled away before he got to me and was like "uhhh?" and he was like "what?" and he kept going for it. then i got outta there! some boys are just very inconsiderate i think.

Anonymous said...

Agreed. I'm also so over it. Let me know about the support group. I'm there.

Heidi said...

I was traveling in London for a week a couple months ago and I met this guy when I was getting dinner on my second to last night there. We started talking and only about an hour after we met he was trying to hold my hand. All the while knowing that I was only in London for one more day before coming back to the USA. And I happen to be only a selectively touchy feely person. Needless to say I pulled my hand away and calmly told him "I'd rather you not do that, thanks". Luckily he was good-natured about it, but yeah, it kinda ticked me off too. Like where does he get off trying to hold my hand, let alone touch me, when he doesn't even know me and we only met an hour ago. And that was the first time a guy has ever tried to hold my hand and it stinks that it had to happen like that.

Perpetually single said...

I'm so over dating too. I'll join the support group. I just want my amazing single friends, all y'all, and myself to just find the right guys who treat us well and won't ignore us. It'll happen. I keep trying to remind myself even though it's hard.

Emily said...

I totally agree that it can be uncomfortable and awkward when a guy grabs your hand when you aren't feeling it. Most guys will wait until they are pretty darn sure you want to before they make a move like that. Others I'm sure don't think of hand holding as a big deal and just do it a lot. Still, I believe I might just have to defend the guy a little bit. What pressure to be the one putting himself out there. He's making a leap into uncharted territory by holding your hand, leaving himself open for outright rejection. He's got to time it so it's not too soon, and not too late (a time that can vary greatly amongst different girls). I think it's pretty brave for a guy to try to progress the relationship. But you don't have to feel obligated to allow it. I usually find an excuse to pretty quickly need my hand. (need to get something in your purse, climb that wall, anything that requires your hands!). This lets the guy down a bit easier.

Anonymous said...

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