When girls aren't interested

1/10/2013 The Romantic 1 Comments

Coming to you again, dear readers, by popular demand, another advice post! 

Lately, the girls I have been asking on dates seem to show interest for the first couple of dates and then seem to not show interest. I mean by not showing interest as in, not responding to text messages for a day or two, and if they do, only respond in a few words. Also, when I seek an opportunity to talk to them face to face, the conversation is generally quite short. When I get the feeling that things aren't going anywhere, which I start to feel when the interest starts declining, I try to respectfully back off and provide space so that I am not intruding. Am I correctly assuming that this is a lack of interest and I should move on? The last thing I want to be is stalkerish and/or creepy, hence the reason why I provide space and don't push the issue after the first two or three occurrences of declining interest (or what I feel as declining interest). I also keep the 3 point rule that Zack Oates introduced. 

Dear Mr. Respectful,
I regret to inform you that your assumptions are probably correct. I generally find that what has now been termed the "Zack Oates 3 point rule" is generally true. And now, even though you didn't ask, I'd like to offer a couple explanations as to why this happens (and by this, how a girl's interest can quickly trickle into nothing). Firstly, girls are cowards. We don't like hurt feelings, awkward conversations, or that awful puppy dog look a boy can get on his face when you've crushed his hopes that had been so high only moments before. So instead of telling a guy we're not interested, we just slowly stop answering him.... It's awful. I know. But it happens. (I personally try not to do this...but it's still hard)

 Secondly, and this is something I've experienced lately, the girl was interested, but somewhere between dates one and two, the magic faded. I was so excited to go out with Pacha last semester. I spent the Sunday night after he asked me out just daydreaming about how great it would all be. But then after a few texting conversations and the date, the magic just sort of died. I can't explained what happened. Or why my feeling so unexpectedly changed. Fickle is my middle name I suppose. But that doesn't make Pacha less cool. Or that I value him any less as a person. Sometimes two people are interested in each other, and then sometimes they suddenly aren't. And it's OK. I think that's the biggest lesson I learned last semester. It's ok to not be interested in someone, and it's ok if they aren't interested in you.

Best of luck Mr. Respectful. It's a tough dating world out there, so may the force be with you (the only excuse I have for that poor sign off is spending the break among my four brothers.... I apologize).

-the Romantic

ps. just in case you're wondering how my love life is going... it's sort of not. There is a cute boy in one of my classes going into architecture. He even sat next to me today, but I couldn't muster up the courage to talk to him ... I've even come up with good topics to discuss so that I can somehow broach a conversation with him.... but alas, maybe next Tuesday?

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Anonymous said...

Sometimes I think this has to do with a gender difference in dating too. I mean, when girls get rejected, it often goes a bit like this. The guy stops asking her on dates and slowly fades away. So maybe that influences how we reject guys, in turn.

Just a theory. Could be way off!