The 5 Stages

1/16/2013 The Blue Stocking 5 Comments

I haven’t told you guys this (not that you really need to know) but I moved. Yuppers I packed up and moved to a new place because I needed “a fresh start” whatever that means.

I went to my new ward exited for a sacrament meeting not filled with my failed relationships. It was ok. What I really ended up doing was picking out the cute guys and hoping they didn’t have girlfriends. They did. Typical.

I would just sit there watching them (yes I’m supes creeptown) and I would see this beautiful girl come gliding down the aisle and I would just pray “please don’t sit next to my future boyfriend”. But she would. Whatever, doesn't mean I can’t still stalk him.

Ok it probably means I can’t stalk him.

Since church didn’t contain any magical eyes-meet-breath-stops-love-blooms moments I was really looking forward to my religion class. Did I mention my major requires me to be surrounded by at least 30 girls at all times? Well it does. Religion classes are sometimes my only male contact for the day. It can be quite trying.

Anyways, I was banking on some sort of flirt session, but did it happen? No. Instead I sat by a fellow who introduced himself and proudly proclaimed his hobby was grinding rocks into dirt. NOT KIDDING.

When the teacher asked the completely rational question “what in the world do you do with all that dirt?” He responded saying “you put it in bottles and stuff” with a tone that implied “duh”.

This very moment made me realize I just might be single for a while if these are the options the world is offering me. AND then I entered into the 5 stages of I-just-realized-there-are-no-men-for-me-to-marry grief. Below is a breakdown of the stages.

  1. Confusion: there are literally millions of men out there, how is it even possible that I am surrounded by the dirt collectors of the world?
  2. Denial: I just need to meet more guys. This is NOT really happening ha ha I can fix this ha ha this is fixable ha ha I’ll just go on more dates ha ha put myself out there and whatnot. I WILL NOT STAY SINGLE FOREVER
  3. Anger: lots and lots of anger brought on by singles ward activities and blind dates. Take me on one more 5 hour date. I.DARE.YOU.
  4. Hysterical laughter/sobbing: do I really need to describe this one?
  5. Acceptance: I’ve always wanted a cat anyway. They can be VERY fulfilling!

I’ve only ever made it to stage 4—thank goodness—because only a very desperate bluestocking would ever buy a cat for companionship.

-The Bluestocking

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Anonymous said...

Where, and how, in the world do you find these people?! hahahaha

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, I feel for you! Due to my major, I am lucky if I have over 3 guys in any of my classes. I recently broke up with a guy and since him all I can think is "There is absolutely no one for me. I only attract creeps." They're nice, but creeps nonetheless. *Sigh* Cats it is.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous #2,

You typed creeps, I read crepes.

I failed to see the problem.

Now I'm pondering what a wonderful life that would be..


Anonymous #3

Anonymous said...

Crepes...that would be a wonderful life! I vote that instead of cats!

Anonymous #4

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, there are guys out there that feel their dating life is in a similar rut.

Stage #1 - same (but directed at women)
Stage #2 - see Stage #1
Stage #3 - Why are all the girl's I'm interested hate me or avoid me like the plague?
Stage #4 - (Girl)cott
Stage #5 - Acceptance: Someday over the rainbow... (oops... that's supposed to be somewhere!)

The question here is: Why can't good, socially acceptable girls who are looking to date and good, socially acceptable guys who are looking to date find each other?

Anyway... those are my two cents.


Anonymous #5