Where's the nearest convent?

11/03/2012 The Romantic 7 Comments

For a moment try to imagine the most horrifically embarrassing thing that could ever happen to you on a date. Think for a minute about what would make you want to curl up in a cave and live there by yourself, with only your own filthy stench as a companion.

Ok, so maybe what happened last night wasn't quite that dramatic, but it was still pretty awful. 

Earlier yesterday, I started to feel the littlest of hints that my monthly guest would be arriving shortly (I was having cramps, just in case you needed me to spell it out for you). Little hints notwithstanding,  the timing of this monthly guest can still be so unpredictable. So, before leaving last night, I popped a few pain killers and packed a tampon in my purse. Simply as a precaution.

With our respective dates in tow, my friend Rosalind and I made our way to Mountain West Burrito. We stood in line, chatted. Nervous as I was, I'm afraid I didn't offer very much to the conversation  as Dante and I walked up to the cash register to order. I was already a little afraid of the moment being awkward because I was paying (things like that can be ambiguous when the girl asks the guy). So I quickly said our orders and reached inside my little purse to pull out my wallet.

As I pulled out my wallet, I felt something fly out of my bag. "Hm," I thought, "I wonder what that was." I opened my wallet. And then proceeded to look down. 

And there was my tampon. Just lying on the ground for all the world to see. I panicked as the person at the register looked at my expectantly. Dante was standing behind me, so I had no idea if he'd seen or not. Very discreetly, I inched my foot forward and placed it over the tampon and paid for dinner. As I shoved my wallet and then debit card back into my purse, I bent down and picked the blasted thing up as quickly and sneakily as I could and shoved it back into my purse.

MORTIFIED. I WAS MORTIFIED. When I turned to look back, Dante was getting us waters. So I have no idea if he saw.

But Rosalind and her date saw. Later, when Dante stepped into the bathroom, they applauded me for my quick thinking in stepping on it. However, I'm fairly certain another couple saw. So, there's really no way he couldn't have seen. Unless he really was looking at the menu the whole time like Rosalind and her date said.

I think the biggest irony is that I would find this completely hilarious if it happened to someone else. Or if I was with someone I wasn't trying desperately to impress. But it didn't. It happened to me. And it happened with Dante.

I tried to play it cool the rest of the night. I think he had an ok time. At least he enjoyed the movie we saw (Troll Hunter at the International Cinema). We hugged goodbye at the doorstep (we also hugged hello when I picked him up; a little different, but I'm not complaining).

After the date, I headed over to Rosalind's place to analyze everything (it's what girls do). Rosalind came to the conclusion that Dante was a "hunk" as well as being the "perfect man". I suddenly couldn't believe I actually had the audacity to ask someone like that out. As we continued to discuss the night, I did some math and realized that since Dante got to go on his mission at 18(mission president father) and came home just last January, it's still possible he's 20. And I also found out he's a freshman. Chances are he's probably not interested in a spinster of a 23 year-old like me. Might as well start buying cats now. Ps. I don't even like cats.

Am I ever going to find someone to share a couple snuggie with?

-the Romantic 

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Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I don't understand why tampons are embarrassing. Girls use tampons. Or pads. I don't really think it's a big deal.
One time I started my period on a date very suddenly and and unexpectedly and bled on his couch. THAT was embarrassing haha.
But I wish tampons weren't such an awkward thing to have or see.

Anonymous said...

This really is a funny story you will laugh about later no. But mortifying when it happens!

Anonymous said...

I really feel like it's not that big of a deal, the same exact thing happened to my friend and she didn't mind that much! Truth is, it's natural. They are going to have to get used to that when they are married, they might as well start now. So it's really not that big of a deal. Especially if he had sisters growing up, then he's probably already used to it!

Anonymous said...

Well shoot. One time, I was on a date. With a hunky football player! Weird. But fun! We went out to breakfast. Had a great time. Stood up to leave, and he realized he didn't have his wallet. What to do?? I don't remember how we ended up deciding, but I drove his car back to my place to get my wallet while he stayed there. I paid and we left. About halfway home, I got seriously crampy. Not even my "time", but nonetheless, here it was. When we got back, I didn't even invite him in. I thanked him (and he thanked me ha ha), jumped out of the car and waved while walking nonchalantly backwards and praying that he didn't see the little red spot I'd gifted his passenger seat. I don't know if he ever noticed, but I wanted to die. He was a couple of years younger than me and we had some great times together. He went on a mission and we wrote but I met my husband while he was gone. So you never know! Age difference and tampons may not be an issue at all. ;)

Anonymous said...

First I must agree with everyone else and will add that if he did notice and didn't say anything is a great indicator of a gentleman.

Next my wife of 25 (and counting) happy years is 4 years my senior and the difference has never been an issue. So if it is love you have no need for concern.

Also I thought "Troll Hunter" was a very well done film and a great Halloween tradition.

Mr. Bennett

Anonymous said...

My best awkward tampon moment happened in middle school (as all the best awkward moments do). My best friend had a locker right next to a really nice, cute, and painfully shy boy in our grade. They were both at their lockers and as she pulls out some books, an entire jumbo size box of tampons falls on his head. Oh man it was hilarious and also mortifying, but as it happened to my best friend and not me, mostly hilarious. Also my first thought upon seeing the couple snuggie was that you could wrap it all the way around the back of you and put one arm into two sleeves to make yourself a little snuggie burrito. Perhaps this means I am destined for a life of loneliness, but you've got to admit that sounds like some extreme coziness.

Mary said...

You don't even know. Worst date = http://theawkwardadventuresofmary.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-tale-of-misery-and-woe.html