Success Supposes Endeavor
I’m facing a dilemma of epic proportions so of course I’m turning to you for advice. See there’s this guy {typical} and I’ve started to like him. Now here comes the problem, my feelings toward him are very common in our ward. Ok I’ll be more blunt. Every girl in my ward loves him…or so it seems.
Without exaggeration there are at least five girls hungrily waiting for him to emerge from Priesthood so they can attack. They then stalk him to the Sunday school class of his choosing and protectively surround him. This is just a representation of what the more advance hunters do. The slyer flock casually bumps into him throughout the day trying desperately to steal a couple minutes of his time. Smooth
So where does that leave me?
Just in case you haven’t gotten this vibe from me, I’m going to lay it out.
I don’t compete for guys. I just don’t. I’m morally opposed to it and I like guys to come to me. Yes, there are special exceptions to this rule. For example, if a guy is well liked among the female world and yet he sets his sights on me, then yes I go after him.
I’m pretty sure my parents are to blame for my proud attitude. Since I was little, they’ve been feeding me personality defining phrases praising everything about me. I grew up believing “who wouldn’t want to date me, I’m fantastic and as a bonus I’m not deformed in any way.”
But now that I’m in college sometimes that confidence is put to the test. This results in girls like me refusing to compete. I simply don’t believe I should have to and I don’t like to lose…ever. But more importantly I don’t want my love story to go as follows,
“Well sweeties, after months and months of mommy stalking, hunting, and clawing her way through the hordes for daddy, she finally trapped him in a metal ensnared cage of desire. Then after weeks of convincing, begging, and crying daddy gave up his life willingly and we were married in the morning.”
It’s dramatic, but I think it gets my point across.
But with this guy I really don’t know what to do. I just can’t tell if he likes me above the rest, or just enough to make it worth acting in a more forward way then I’m used to.
See if you can figure it out with the clues I’ve gotten this semester. We are always together and having the best conversations. Our chats are filled with inside jokes and uncontrollable laughter. We've begun to text each other funny things during the week.
Usually after the appearance of such signs I would be sure that he liked me to some degree. But here’s the difference with him; He’s just really nice. Like really really nice. I wouldn’t put it past him to be extra friendly to a lot of girls. Even writing that last sentence formed a knot in my stomach, I hate being a part of the ‘lots of girls’ category.
In the end, I don’t know what to do. And the more other girls chase him the less I care. But I want to care. I really do.
I know there is no easy solution to this problem. The best plan is to just stick it out, but I’m getting tired and I think I deserve more than this…yup there’s my pride emerging.
-The Blue Stocking.
P.S. I have a perfect name picked out for him, but I’m holding on to it until I’m less confused.
11 comments:
Here are my two cents:
I never pursued guys either. Not so much because I thought I shouldn't have to, more because I'm a huge introvert. Then, last semester, I met a completely amazing guy, and for the first time in my life, I pursued him. And this is the greatest relationship either of us have ever been in.
Of course, not every story works out that way, but I'm still a convert to the "pursue" idea.
Hmm if it comes up in your conversations, just ask him how many girls does he treat just like you? How many girls does he text everyday? Just make it clear that you know that you feel like you are in the "lots of girls" category and he will either leave it that way, or try to convince you that you are not. If you call him out on it, he might want to make you change your mind.
My experience tells me that when girls compete for one guy, it gets ugly. Do what you do, and leave the rest to him. If it takes a game of out-doing all the other girls in any given category, then there really isn't a point in dating a man who couldn't see how great you are to begin with. He sounds like a smart guy; if he knows what he wants, he'll go for it. But from the looks of it, he has the pick of the litter.
"A ship in a harbor is safe. But that's not what ships are built for."
-Socrates
Hm, it sounds like my situation with my best guy friend. I started being friends with him so I could be around him more and look where that got me? Him flirting with me, me wanting him to like me, everyone thinking we're dating, but me being unsure of whether he actually does or not. I currently have no solution to your situation, unfortunately, but if I find one I will be sure to share it with you. If anything you must continue to pursue it, even a little. That will allow you to keep your options open :)
As you don't pursue this guy, please remember that we men tend to be incredibly dense with a lot of hints that to you will seem obvious. Don't get vicious, but please make sure to keep frequent contact with him. I think quickly building a friendship with enough trust that you can ask where you two stand without turning him off, or the riskier but possibly rewarding blunt asking now, are your best options. Never been blessed with pursuers, though, so none of this is expert opinion.
It may be with a bit of schadenfreude that I say this, but "welcome to the other side."
Okay, so I think the smile gives it away.
Welcome to the other side sister. I really wish I could meet this guy just to see what he's all about.
If you want something that's valued higher, you're going to have to give up more to get it. Good luck.
I'm the same way with girls. It's just usually not worth it! Bah, I say.
Just treat him like you would any other guy you were interested in. Don't be extreme, but show him that you like him. At least that's what I did and it worked quite well for me :)
“Well sweeties, after months and months of mommy stalking, hunting, and clawing her way through the hordes for daddy, she finally trapped him in a metal ensnared cage of desire. Then after weeks of convincing, begging, and crying daddy gave up his life willingly and we were married in the morning.”
HILARIOUS!
This is all very interesting. And I think some good ideas. But none seem to be successful. Now let's consider what attracts a man (who are supposedly natural hunters)
A good way to get a guys interest is to do something to indicate that you have some kind of secret, at totally unexpected times. For example, When you just happen to be looking at each other from a ways away, raise an eyebrow, wink, make a face and then smile, anything to indicate that this relationship is not normal, and you share a special connection. Surprise is the best way to get out of the "usual". You can come up with your own method, but get the relationship off normal for other people, so he feels he only shares it with you. And don't overdo it.
Another way. At opportune times, with some special emotion, ask and or share with him your feelings about someone else, as if you are confiding in him your feelings (with emotion) about someone else. His own internal reaction will be to compare your emotional responses to him with the ones he sees you have for this other person. It will have a tendency to make him jealous. Again, don't overdo it, but make it real. What is happening here is that you are sharing with him something that it is apparent that people don't share with just anybody, but just close friends. He will see that. You should be a lot more clear how he feels towards you after such an experience.
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