Choose Your Love

1/30/2015 The Lady 4 Comments

Like the girl that I am, I often permit myself moments of nostalgia. And listing. I like making lists. Perhaps I could call that one of my hobbies... But the point is, in reminiscing and listing I have come to the conclusion that I am not certain I know my own taste in men. Or if I even have a particular taste in men. I have dated all sorts. Tall. Short. Thin. Chubby. Educated. Uneducated. LDS. Non-LDS. Bookish. Military. Country. Theatrical. You name it. So what do I really like? 

I. Don't. Know. 

For a moment I was tempted to feel discouraged about my obvious lack of perspective about my own self. Did I really not know what sort of man I liked? But then it hit me: I like men. Plain and simple. I like men. I have liked every man I have dated. Obviously some more than others, but you get the picture. That's not to say that I cannot settle for one type and be happy with that type (at least I am hoping I can do that). All I am saying is that it feels nice to realize that I think I can be happy with almost any sort of man. Which brings me to the issue of falling in love with anyone. I read this article a couple weeks ago, and have been stewing over it ever since. The idea of it might be preposterous, but I also believe it to be preposterously logical. Read the questions. Can you imagine going on a date and asking someone how they felt about their relationship with their mother or if they had a hunch about how they were going to die and they were not weirded out and were in fact completely honest and open about it? If you could talk with someone about real things, not just majors and missions and hometowns, but life's real things. Sometimes you get to that point with someone where you can talk about those real things. Other times it's like pulling teeth. 

The thing is that it's hard to be vulnerable to another person. It's hard to open up to another human being and say, "I secretly want to be a famous author." Or, "I wish my family was closer than they currently are." It's hard to be real. It's hard to be real because we call it "the dating game." And we're told that we can't take games too seriously because they're just games. 

But it is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman must be in want of a husband. And that requires falling in love, not games. 

Con Amor, 
The Lady 

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Emily said...

I think you cover majors and missions and hometowns at first to get to know the person and become comfortable sharing the deeper stuff.

Anonymous said...

This is exactly how I feel. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

Em said...

I remember having a seminary teacher who said that if you were both faithful to the Church, meaning specifically you share a common core of religious beliefs, you could marry anyone. When he said that, I thought, "Well, that sounds interesting and all, but I think there are some guys I'd probably be more happily married to than others out there in the world."

Recently, I was asked to describe my ideal guy and while everyone around me listed a lot of of the outward features I just wanted to say two things: Very expressive eyes and he has to have a personality that sort of "becomes" his face. Pushed a little more, and I will also say "taller than me", but I'm short so...

I have long thought that girls don't actually know what they want in a guy.