New Year's Eve

1/19/2015 The Blue Stocking 0 Comments

I’ll admit after breaking things off with James I thought I would be a lot happier. Maybe eat more and think less. Not true. Instead I went from never thinking of him while I was dating him to always thinking of him after I broke things off. How this is possible, I do not know. But now dreams of him were a nightly occurrence and daily urges to text him were a nightmare.

After Christmas, I was dreading New Year’s Eve which might including run-in’s with old flames. The night’s festivities included a YSA party sporting hundreds of singles trying to find “the one.” Upon arrival I found Calvin and we formed a group that included his friends and mine (The Lady included). Thirty minutes into the swing of things, The Lady and our other friend saw a guy behind me that they described as very attractive and perfect for me. I turned around to find James. The irony kills me. But there he was looking better than he’s ever looked. We didn’t speak of course, that would be sheer madness. Instead he walked away and I started to crumble.

 I decided that I should talk to him because why make things awkward. This goal was easier said than done, mostly because he’s become an expert at avoiding me. So the night was made up of close encounters and fleeting eye-contact. It ended with me talking to Calvin two yards away from James flirting with some girl. Yes I was stalking and yes she was pretty and yes I’m clearly not ok in the ol brain.

After some mild/spicy creepin, I danced into the New Year with my friends. Something I can’t say enough is how much I love my friends. I’m oddly grateful for my single years because it’s allowed me to surround myself with incredible relationships that I value more than anything else. So thank you husband for avoiding me in my early 20’s because I’m going to need these gals for weekend trips to NYC. Also, I needed more time to come to terms with the fact I will eventual have to grow and birth human beings.  

Now’s the time I take a look back on 2014. This year I traveled to different countries, I adventured with friends, I read life changing books, I spent an inordinate amount of time with my family, I laughed until I cried and cried until I laughed, and I dated…a lot. An exhausting amount to be honest, but it taught me so many things. Here are the most significant men from 2014 and what I learned from them.
  • Calvin: We were friends for months exchanging looks over dinner tables while I waited, not-so-patiently, for him to ask me out. Once alone I realized we had nothing to say to one another. Which leads me to this: opposites may attract, but what will they talk about?
  • Henry:  Henry was that guy that you just know you’ll be perfect with. Everything was laughter and jokes and adventures. Then I realized relationships are more than a façade of merriment. You actually have to talk about something that’s real instead of spending hours plotting a riot because your favorite cereal was taken off the shelves of Wal-Mart. I guess Henry really taught me that sometimes your ideal isn’t so ideal.
  • Sam: Sam got my mind off of Henry. Bless him. We spent weeks discussing literature and ideas until one day we decided we were ok with this not continuing. Sam taught me that dating someone who is more passionate about your passion is infuriating. Books are my thing buddy.
  • Grant: Grant was the guy I never saw coming. We were friends for a long time and one day he asked me out. I panicked for an even longer time until I realized that he’s possibly the best guy I’ve ever dated. Our time together wasn’t one great Nicholas Sparks moment after another; instead, it was just us talking on a different couch every night. Grant taught me that simple reality can be perfect.
  • James: I wanted things to work with James. He was handsome, smart, and (oddly enough) interested in knowing me. Our dates showed me that getting to know him would be a constant battle. One I didn’t have the strength or interest to take on. I learned from James that if you can’t connect, what’s the point?
It was quite the year and I'm excited/nervous to see what awaits in 2015. 

-The Bluestocking

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