Breaking up before I break down

6/25/2014 The Blue Stocking 3 Comments

Knowing I had to end things with either Henry or James and actually doing it were two totally different things. Why couldn’t I be normal and just date several guys at a time? Or better yet, why couldn’t I have met them at different times?!

I finally decided that after four weeks of chatting I needed to end things with James.

Things were just more natural with Henry and I didn’t have enough time to develop anything with James before I passed out from the crazy’s…oh wait, I already did that.

I decided that I wanted to do this the right way and tell it to him straight. I explained that I was dating someone else and I felt smutzy dating both of them. And even though I realized dating more than one guy is what we’re supposed to do, I wasn’t emotionally equipped to handle the pressure. I then apologized for being the worst.

James thanked me for being upfront and said it was ok.

I felt bad, but I had been an adult and taken control of my dating life and I was proud of how everything went down.

That feeling lasted for about two days, until James messaged me saying he didn’t know why he was doing this, but he wanted me to know it was enjoyable getting to know me and he felt bad for taking up my time when I was interested in someone else.

I explained that he hadn’t taken up my time and I loved our month spent together.

I should not have said that. I repeat: I should not have said that.

That threw us into an hour convo about how he doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal for me to date two people while I tried to explain my crazy. It ended with him saying I was confusing him and asking if I still wanted to keep dating. To which I responded I did not.

It was awful.

The worst part was I couldn’t say, I don’t like you, because I did like him, that was the problem. For the past month I had thoroughly enjoyed our fb messages, but my mental/physical health couldn’t handle it. Which makes me sound loony toons, but it’s the truth.

Now whenever he sees me at church he walks in the opposite direction. Understandable, but not subtle. Last week I was standing in one of the aisles while he tried to sneak behind me. I turned to made eye contact and his response was to look at me, stop mid-step, turn around and continue on down a different aisle.