Incidents from the Life of The Charmer: Summer Sales Boys

6/16/2014 The Charmer 0 Comments

[Since there isn't currently much happening with my love life, seeing as how most of the single guys I'm surrounded by this summer are between the ages of 14 and 18, I figured I'd share a few little anecdotes from the short time I spent in my home singles ward.]
[And I do hope that if any of you ARE summer sales boys, you don't take offense at this post. I mean it all in love, yes?]

I really must tell you about the summer sales boys.

They are an interesting phenomenon that show up in singles wards across the country some time between April and May. They are beautiful blonde boys that all look the same, hired by alarm companies and pest control companies to be door-to-door salesmen in random places where no one really needs pest control or alarm systems. I don't know what sort of success rate accompanies their door-to-door knocking, but they DO tend to have a high success rate when it comes to getting all of the 18-20 year old girls in the ward to drool over them.

When they showed up, I was planning to steer clear of them since they tend to have a reputation for being tools and for flirting with anyone wearing a skirt [again, sorry to any of you who ARE sales boys and don't fit this description!]. However, they seemed to come to some sort of group consensus that I was a desirable target. Their first Sunday in the ward, I found myself surrounded by them after Sunday school, all asking questions about my mission or complimenting me on the choir concert some of them had seen me in the night before. Unfortunately, I promptly [but not on purpose] forgot all of their names because not only did they LOOK alike, their names all sounded the same as well. (Besides, I figured they'd probably move on to find other girls in the relief society the next week.)

However, to my surprise, they didn't forget about me. The next week I gave a talk in church, and when I came down from the stand I again found myself surrounded by them, all grinning and congratulating me. It must have been a funny overwhelmed-looking Charmer, literally encircled by this grinning group of California boys: Dane, Braden, Blake, James, whatever their names were.

About a month later, my last Sunday in the ward, I sang a musical number with one of my guy friends. It went really well! However, it also added fuel to their fire. They all made sure to find a chance throughout the rest of sacrament meeting to catch my eye and whisper that my song was "beautiful" and then afterwards, they again surrounded me and sat in a sort of clump fashion around me in Sunday school. (This meant that unfortunately, I couldn't sneak out to the bathroom before Sunday school started and consequently had to pee for the entire next hour.)

That would have been the extent of my interactions with the boys, except for the humorous scene that played out after church. One of them in particular (King Pest Control, aka King PC) had been extremely persistent and consistent as far as noticing me and attempting to flirt with me every Sunday. He sort of seemed like the leader of the group...or at least the leader of the "Woo the Charmer" movement. Ironically enough, my house happened to be on his sales route so he even knocked on our door one afternoon. Although he never really made much of a move, he always managed to let me know that he was sad I was leaving so soon.

Anyway, he had been attempting to talk to me after Sunday school to invite me to play ultimate frisbee with the sales boys sometime during the week. But because he was kind of on the outskirts of the clump of men surrounding me, he eventually gave up and told me he'd talk to me after church.

FAST FORWARD TO THE END OF CHURCH...when things get a little more #awkward.

After relief society I find myself chatting with a few of my friends from the ward....there's about 5 or 6 of them, a mix of guys and a couple of girls. Awkwardly, the conversation topic changes to ME. Yeah, this is real life. And yeah, it was awkward. It started when one of the guys decided to poke a bit of fun at my love life [one of his favorite past times] by teasing me about a date I'd been on the day before. Then, somehow, the whole group decided to talk about and agree on the fact that a majority of the ward boys were in love with me. So as they are discussing this and as I am trying to re-direct the topic and tell them they're crazy, all of a sudden King PC sidles up, wingman in tow [one of the blonde boys, also of the summer sales club]. They pause briefly when they notice the group...but then, unaffected, stroll right into the middle of the circle and over to me. King somewhat attempts to pull me aside discreetly, but noticing the instant stares and silence of the group, realizes it's pointless. So, even with everyone listening in [and smirking because weren't they JUST talking about this?!], he invites me to an activity later on in the week and asks for my number. Let's just talk about the fact that it totally caught me off-guard and I accidentally gave him the wrong number at first. Haha. Whoops. Then, mission accomplished, the two sales boys pull themselves away, and leave me to the "told you so" smirks of the group.

Oh but wait, it gets better. After they leave one of the guys in the group decides to confess his undying love for me and begs me not to go to EFY for the summer. #moreawkward #ismylifeasitcom

After making that exact face I quickly found a reason to leave. (Remember, awkward RM here, still unsure what to do with all this attention?)

And that is my tale of the summer sales boys...

the charmer

PS- Just for the record, King never actually DID anything with my number. Guess he was all talk...

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