Only 4 Things: A Guest Post

5/13/2014 The Charmer 3 Comments

I was so excited to open up my inbox a couple days after I announced our little guest blogger contest and see that it was full of posts you had written and decided to share! Seriously, my heart was full to bursting with joy. Granted, we didn't receive quite as many entries as we did for our date contests of the past, but I was still excited to see your creative juices flowing. In fact, I think the excitement even spilled out of me and onto the floor a little bit...

[ maybe I wasn't quite that excited. Although I DO wish I had something in my life that warranted a reaction like that.]

Anyway, I've chosen 3 posts that particularly spoke to me and that I thought would resonate with you, our lovely readers, as well. Get excited to read them over the next few days!!

The first is by Kylie, and this post can also be found on her blog. Not gonna lie....I definitely found myself nodding along as I read it. Pretty sure if I had to pick only 4 qualifications, they'd be pretty similar. Hmm...maybe I should work on narrowing that list....




I'll be the first person to admit that I'm a picky dater. Not eater--I'll eat almost anything. But when it comes to dating a person, I am not the girl who will date just anyone. However, I also happen to think I"m pretty reasonable about my limitations, and so far they haven't caused me too much grief, so I'm saying that makes me an expert and here I go sharing my maybe-not-so-humble opinion with you all.

Despite the extensive list of traits I wrote for my future husband circa 2005 in my beehive days, I only have 4 real qualifications for a man whom I will date. (Who? Whom? Idk, moving past it.) Though I don't really use the term 'deal-breaker', I suppose you could say that not fitting one of these qualifications would be a deal-breaker for me.  

1. He has to put God before everyone and everything else.
     Yeah, yeah, this is the typical, Mormony qualification for a spouse, right? But before you quit reading so fast, don't. It probably goes unsaid for most of us, but the fact remains--I don't want to marry a man who doesn't value his relationship with God higher than all other relationships. So why would I date that kind of man? Lack of commitment to his testimony is a deal-breaker. Peter Priesthoods, pls apply here, I get off at 9.

2. He has to make me laugh and think I'm funny, too. 
     Ahem, do I think I'm funny? Like, why else would I become a blogger but to grace the world with my hilarity? Well I once dated a guy (and probably would have married him, tbh) who never laughed at any of my jokes. And I never laughed at his either. Why I didn't see that as a red flag from the beginning still confuses me, but looking back, it was a pretty boring relationship. Now, I'm not saying that I'm a queen comedian and everyone should pee their pants with laughter at my jokes, but I sure as heck think my significant other (SO, if you're into abbreviating love and that kind of thing) should be laughing when I pull out my infamous snarky commentary. And I should be laughing at his as well, or else things are gonna get real lame, real fast.

3. He has to be within my same realm of intelligence. 
     Just now realizing that this one makes me sound like a snob, but there's no turning back now #noregrets. Again, I'm not claiming to be a rocket scientist (though my brother is one. so.) but I would say that my ability to hold an intelligent conversation is at least moderate. So if some rando Provo All-Star wants to chat me up at a cookie night with talk of bench reps and summer sales....I'm outie. A guy's gotta be able to give me at least a tiny bit of HP fangirling and a fair discussion of some modern societal issues for me to take an interest in him. Bottom line: Date within a comfortable range of your own IQ score and you'll be able to converse a whole lot easier.

4. Above everything else, there has to be natural chemistry.
     When all is said and done, you have to actually like the person. I've been on plenty of dates with guys who fit the top 3 qualifications and the sad truth was.....I just wasn't feelin' the spark. Or maybe he wasn't feeling it. Or maybe it was mutual. I once went on a few dates with a guy and thought it was all going pretty well until the end of one date when I suddenly realized that we were way better off as friends. I just wasn't attracted to him like that. And before you ask how cute he was, I will assure you that he was a dang good looking young man. I had thought that from the beginning. The feelings just weren't there for me. And if the feelings aren't there, the relationship shouldn't be there either.

Bam, boom, bang, there it is. I'm obviously not a pro (currently in sweats on my childhood bed in my parents' house, so eat that one up, interwebz!) but I feel pretty good about the qualifications I've made for my future hubsalicious. (If you read that word with less than a metric ton of irony....stahp.) All in all, in summation, to conclude, etc, I say this: Be reasonably picky. It's okay to be picky! Why would you ever want to spend eternity with someone who was just a so-so fit for you? But keep your qualifications in a partner to a reasonable amount. And then keep your partner to those qualifications. We'll all find them eventually, I promise. 


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Kylie said...

Thanks for picking my post, guys!

Anonymous said...

Good points. I think with #3 (the same level of intelligence) you could also throw in a relatively same background economic level. This sounds horribly snobby too but if you marry a guy who grew up in a tent and you grew up in a palace, expectations of what your future will be could vary drastically. After the "honeymoon" phase, it could really stress the relationship.

Am I crazy to say that? What do you think?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous - I can see why you're worried about that, but I think it matters a lot more what kind of attitude they both have about money than about how much their parents had when they were growing up. My husband's family was very poor, and my parents were pretty well-off. We've been married for over two years and we have a great marriage because we agree on how our money should be spent. We speak to each other before we make any big purchases, and we make sure we agree on our decision. As long as both spouses share the same philosophy about finances, they can have a really good marriage. Circumstances don't necessarily define someone's attitude about money. Someone who grew up without very much money can be a huge spender or a huge saver, just like someone who grew up with lots of money can be. I had neighbors whose parents made millions of dollars every year, but they still required their kids to work hard and earn their own money to pay for things like cars and college tuition. Financial background doesn't define someone's attitude toward finances, and I don't think differences in that background should ever influence the choice of who to marry. Hope this helps :)