As nobody minds having what is too good for them, [s]he was very steadily earnest in the pursuit of the blessing.

10/20/2012 The Lady 4 Comments

Dear Anti-Austens,

Elder Bednar said once that we shouldn't have a MASSIVE list of things we want in a husband, since some of them don't really matter in the long run. But, he said to have about 5 things that you're looking for and won't compromise. I'm just curious; what would your girls' five things be?


Five things. It's seems like such a small number when living in a world obsessed with quantity. Allow me to omit anything that has to do with our religion. Not because it isn't important, but because it is of vital importance. To me, it is not even a question and I view it as something encompassing a person's character which cannot nor will not change.

The Lady's Man of Uncompromisable Caliber

1. Intelligence
It is impossible for me to imagine my life with someone who cares not one whit about knowledge and education. It is not as though I must have someone with a PhD, my own father never finished his Bachelor's. But perhaps it is my father who instilled this in me. Though an electrician by trade, my father is the most intelligent man I know because of his desire to keep learning. I have never seen him go anywhere without a book in his hand, even to the movies. His continual thirst for knowledge is astounding, it never rests. I want a man like that, one who values his own mind above any other worldly possession or prestige. I imagine our home almost wall to wall with our mountainous collection of books. For me, the love for knowledge and reading is unrivaled by any other characteristic.

2. Forgiveness
Goodness knows I need forgiveness. And every bloomin' day. This marvelous man that I will one day marry will receive as part of my dowry a load of my flaws and mistakes that he will have to forgive even before he says, "I do." And everyday after that he will have to forgive me for my shortcomings, for the words that I say, the bills I forget to pay, my neglect of him in my frantic pursuit to get it all right. He'll have to forgive me more times than I will ever be able to apologize for. But that is the beauty of him. He doesn't keep track of who is ahead of whom in the mistakes versus forgiveness tally. And for his goodness and his patience in having me as a wife, I pray that he receives the best blessings that eternity has to offer. 

3. Humor
At least one of us in the pair must be the life of the party, the one who is quick with a joke (or to light up your smoke [Mr. Billy Joel]). And heaven help us if that is left up to me, a dreary couple we will be indeed. But you see, I dearly love to laugh. (And yes, it is a family trait, Caroline!) I feel that I must have at least one good laugh (preferably many more) a day or I fear I may combust. If a man is intelligent without having a sense of humor, he will be either exceedingly pretentious or incredibly dull, and I cannot live with either. What good is life if you can't laugh? No good, I say, no good. 

4. Listening
Now, my idea of listening is much less like honey-sit-down-while-I-drone-on-about-my-day, but rather more akin to good conversation. I have many wild ideas and often need to hash them out with someone. I need him to take that seriously. No matter how hair-brained or simplistic these ideas may be, I need someone who won't just listen and pat me on the head as though I am a child. I have experienced that with men I have dated and it is infuriating. But there have been others who always listened as though in rapture at what I was saying, as though every word I spoke was gold to them, and then they would talk back. It's one of the things I hold in highest regard about a person, the ability to not only listen but to communicate about everything from the simple to the complex. 

5. Arguing 
This may seem strange to some, and perhaps completely misguided to others, but I do not want a "nice guy." I cannot live with someone who will not ever contradict me or tell me that I am wrong. It makes me feel as though I am a tyrant. Because (as you may have guessed) I am not an incredibly sweet human being and I very rarely treat everyone as they should be treated. I love a good argument, not a fight, but a real good debate. I love someone I can disagree with, it makes me feel as though we're human and that neither one of us feels superior to the other. And if I marry anyone, it is going to be someone so utterly human. 

Those are my five. The most important things I could find in a man. And if I ever come across this man, I am going to have a most difficult time not asking him to marry me then and there. But you know the five will only work if he has green eyes, is 6'3", has a British accent, loves Harry Potter, played football in high school, buys me flowers everyday, makes the cutest babies, is a lawyer and/or doctor, is in line for his rich uncle's inheritance, plays the piano, sings like the Phantom of the Opera, is the Phantom of the Opera, builds me a house in the English countryside, looks like Benedict Cumberbatch, is Benedict Cumberbatch, speaks German, never makes me drive around town or on long trips, lets me name our children after Jane Austen characters and literary figures, dresses impeccably, smashes all the spiders and other bugs, puts up the Christmas lights, does the taxes, has a six-pack, loves old movies, buys me a yorkie puppy or teacup pig (preferably both), has brown curly hair, dances with me in the kitchen, reads to me while I fall asleep, massages my hands, lets me always buy new shoes, is the best kisser, doesn't get made when I take long showers, always does the laundry, proposes to me on a hot air balloon, buys me a grand engagement ring, always wears a three-piece suit, takes me to the movies every weekend, played basketball in high school, always wants to have Christmas with my family instead of his, loves watching Jane Austen movies with me, etc. 

It's not too much to ask. 

Con Amor,
The Lady  

You Might Also Like


Anonymous said...

I don't think people with British accents who played football in high school exist. Brits believe only in rugby, not wussy American football.

Unless of course you refer to real football.

Anonymous said...

After some recent events in my dating life, I refuse to take righteous priesthood holder off the top of the list. There are so many good men out there. But if honoring the priesthood isn't a consistent and continuous quality, there is no romantic future with that guy.

Marigold said...

Thank you Lady! =)

flutefairy said...

Interesting that yours are so different from mine. I guess that is a good thing that we are all so different. :) Also, I did a survey of what guys are looking for ... if you are interested in looking. It was a very specific, small demographic, but interesting none the less.