My mother is Mrs. Bennet in the flesh.

7/06/2012 The Lady 7 Comments

Two Christmases ago was the first time I encountered my mother's incurable desire for me to "tie the knot". After many hours driving through the frozen tundra, I finally arrived safely home and was welcomed into the loving arms of my parents and my childhood home that is always laced with the smell of warm bread. Oh, it was to be such a happy Christmas. I had just survived a beast of a semester and was more than happy to be home for two glorious weeks of holiday frivolity. Late that night as I knelt with my family in prayer, my mother {who was offering the prayer} asked specifically that I would be blessed to find my husband soon. My eyes snapped open in shock. Was my sorry ability at snagging a husband already so desperate that it had to be prayed over in front of my whole family? Apparently so. Also during the holiday, my sister let it slip that my mother had been submitting my name to the prayer roll at the temple every week in hopes that the extra help would provide me with a husband.

My first reaction was to be angry. Then I became worried. Was I actually in danger of spinsterhood? It certainly seemed that way. At that time I had not dated anyone for over a year and I had no promising prospects to speak of, so all the signs were pointing towards my mother's greatest fear. I was going to be a spinster.

Now, over two years later, my mother's fear has not lessened. If anything it has increased. While I was away visiting at my sister's and where I was to face my fate with Dex, my sister and mother would converse often over the phone. My mother being the woman she is, told my sister to persuade me to extend the length of my visit with the hope that some great matrimonial ending would occur between Dex and myself {or perhaps any other willing candidate}. I did not do that though, knowing well that all was over. It was a great disappointment to my mother and to the rest of my pro-Lady-and-marriage family.

When I do go on dates or fancy getting close to a relationship with any gentleman, I do everything I can to avoid telling my mother about it. There's something about the word "date" that sends her into a frenzy of unnecessary questions. In my mother's mind, people don't simply go on dates for fun, there must be a motive behind it. If I let it slip that I went on a date, she begins an interrogation of who he is, where he is from, where he served his mission, about his family, his education, background, etc. Nothing has come of it though. It gives her such flutterings and spasms. Poor Mumsie.

Although the great thing about having a mother like Mrs. Bennet is that you know that she sincerely cares. She is only concerned for my future welfare, and I suppose I would rather have an over-enthusiastic mother than one who does not care at all. In true Mrs. Bennet fashion, "the business of her life [is] to get her daughters married." (Pride & Prejudice). I am strongly considering not telling her that I'm dating anyone until there is a ring on my finger. When {and if} I start dating someone that is...

Con Amor,
The Lady

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Anonymous said...

I wish I had your mother! I wonder though what she would think if she read this. I think I would be hurt by a few parts of it. I wish my mother was so interested in my life, and prayed for me to have what brought her the ultimate happiness. You did say you are glad she is involved, but yet, you don't want her involved?

Anonymous said...

My mom is something like this (although not to the point of using family prayer to petition Heavenly Father to save me from spinsterhood), and I understand how you feel. For me, I feel like I'm letting her down by not dating anyone, even though if it were entirely up to me I would be happily on my way to marriage too. Her worry makes me more worried, like I actually should be freaking out about not having a boyfriend. And I don't want to feel like that. As much as I love my mother, in this case her way of participating is not helpful. But I agree that I would much rather have her worried about me ending up unmarried than not caring.

Anonymous said...

Wow. You're mom sounds extreme. Marry on your own time. Don't feel pressured into falling in love. You're not that old. Enjoy life while you are single. Travel the world. You don't want to be one of those girls that all they did with their life was get married. The pressures of Mormon society are sometimes ridiculous. It's alright to be alone for a while.

Sarah said...

My mom was a bit like this too. She really wanted grand babies. I remember whenever my older sister started dating someone she was already thinking about wedding plans by month 1! She didn't really put a lot of pressure on me to date per se but was VERY enthusiastic and encouraged me to move fast when I was in a relationship.

Mothers mean well.

Liz said...

I agree with the above anonymous comment to a point. It is most certainly alright to be alone for while. At the same time, I would like say that those girls who are increasingly in Mormon society put in to the category of being "the ones" who "all they did with their life was get married," (generally those marry young) are doing quite a bit with their lives too. They're building families and growing from their personal life experiences. It's a different way of doing things than what would be preferable to others, but I don't think it should be considered utterly invalid. There is no reason to look down on people who have the opportunity to marry and take it even though it means sacrificing some of the luxuries of being single. The most important thing is to relish and learn from life no matter what stage you find yourself in. And now I'm off my soap box.

You, Lady, I think are doing what is most important and I commend you. It can sometimes be hard with family pressure (having experienced it).

I am certain that as long as you are following the spirit all things will work out fantastically for you and your mother will sense that...hopefully. :) I wish you the best in all of your endeavors! whether they have to do with romance or not.

Anonymous said...

I think you are being too hard on yourself to live up to what you think your families expectations are. From the sounds of your family (cause they sound just like mine), I think they are more sad and worried for you than disappointed that you "failed" with the whole Dex thing. They didn't want you to get hurt again. Obviously they just want you to be happy, and them praying is not that you will be married tomorrow, but that you will have help in finding him at the right time so you will be able to be married in the right place. Who doesn't want the Lord's help in our quest to find our Darcy right? I personally need all the help I can get! hahaha

The Charmer said...

Oh dear. I have the opposite situation--my mom freaked out every time I talked about marriage because she always planned on me serving a mission.

It can be frustrating to have other people planning out your life. Buutt...I have full confidence that you'll find a man when it's time :)