A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.

7/13/2012 The Lady 14 Comments

My Dear Readers and Friends,
I beg to ask the question: How old is too old? I myself, would usually draw the line at a five-year age difference between a guy and a girl. Beyond that I would normally feel the gap to be too wide. Beyond that you can barely connect in conversations about your childhood because while he grew up with Fraggle Rock and Full House, you grew up half a decade later with Boy Meets World and Dexter's Laboratory. And then your conversations start to go like this: "Remember in high school when 9-11 happened?" And you reply, "Well yeah, but I was still in middle school..." It just makes everybody feel weird.

But isn't there room for negotiation?

I cannot believe I am saying this, but I hope so...You see, there is this man I work with, and I am so very smitten with him. He is Colonel Brandon in the flesh. For all intents and purposes, he shall be called Colonel Brandon.

You see Colonel Brandon is the very essence of goodness, he is easy to talk to, he is so very amusing, he already has a good (very good) career, and good heavens, he is so attractive. There is only one problem: Colonel Brandon is twelve years older than myself. That means that I was only in the beginning years of elementary school when he was graduating high school. Something about it all seems very illegal. But he is so great, and all the signs point to his attraction to me.

However, every time I think about what it would be like to date the Colonel, something goes horribly awry. Such as: he is older than most of my siblings, and if he were ever to hang out with my friends and I, he would undoubtedly find us insipid and childish. Probably for the fact that we were just children not many years ago. Blast it all Colonel Brandon! It worked for Marianne, why not myself?

When I told The Bluestocking about Colonel Brandon she was appalled and promptly drew the line at a six-year age difference. Absolutely no more. But what's wrong with wanting to marry someone who already has a good income and means to provide for a wife and family?

Despite my doubts and The Bluestocking's wise(?) insistence, I want to go up to him and simply say: "Hey, you're twelve years older than me, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me, maybe?"

Con Amor,
The Lady

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Camille said...

just try it. i am now engaged to someone who is way older than me and i had all the same fears as i went into it. what about how my friends are probably going to annoy him? what about him being older than my siblings? on 9/11 he was getting out of band practice his sophomore year of high school and i was in fifth grade... they canceled our field trip!

but i digress. i gave it a try and i was really happy i did. if he likes you, chances are he will like your friends too. it made my older siblings see me as more of an equal because my bf was their age. there is something to be said for being with someone who already has a job... you don't have to wonder if they will actually finish school and not be a bum student forever. plus then you can skip the whole romantically poor stuff.

boys mature slower than girls, so it is nice to be around someone who is at my maturity level. just make sure there isn't a glaring reason why he is not married and then have at it!

Sarah said...

One of my best friends got married just under a year ago to someone who was 14 years her senior. He was also divorced and had three children who were all closer in age to her than he was. They seem pretty dang happy. All of us (her friends) thought it was incredibly weird . . . but that didn't matter at all to her because he was the man she wanted to be with forever. If you want to go on a date with him, just do it! There's two outcomes: 1) You end up not really liking him and you two don't get married and all your "older guy" fears never come to fruition 2) You end up getting married and don't care about him being older than your siblings or growing up in a different decade because he is your eternal companion and that's really all that matters. Kind of a win situation either way in my opinion. Go for it.

Veronica said...

DO IT. You can't put rules on love! It might not work out, but then again, it might.

Anonymous said...

I don't think there's ever a hard and fast rule for things like this- whether it's right or not is always going to depend on the people involved. I went on a date recently with someone 13 years my senior, but I'm a little older than you (Full House and Fraggle Rock), so that put him solidly in "unreachably old" territory for me. That said, the older I get, the more willing I am to be lenient on the age issue. I've set a (soft) limit for myself at 10 years, but you should always be willing to give something a chance even if it doesn't fit your idea of what works. Who knows what might happen?

Marigold said...

I agree with Sarah. What's a decade in the scope of eternity? Just as long as he treats you right and you feel comfortable, then I say go for it. =)

Anonymous said...

As a guy who is older and not married, i have learned that you marry a person and not their age. If the 12 years is going to be a problem, it will manifest itself in the relationship. Is that any worse than dating a guy close to your age with whom it ends up not working?

Conversely, be patient with him. He probably feels just as weird about it as you do (speaking from experience of asking out girls 10-12 years younger than me).

Anonymous said...

DO IT. The only way to find out if it will work is to try it.

Also.... Fraggle Rock is the best thing ever. (That is coming from an early nineties baby).

Anonymous said...

I draw the line at five. 10 if he's a pharmacist. ;). Ha ha! Ya know, to quote the naked mole rat: Why not?

Anonymous said...

Let's make this a financial decision. I'm assuming you're in your early 20's. He's 12 years older, which puts him solidly in his 30's. So he should make at least $100,000 annually plus another $100,000 for every year of age gap over 10.

That puts your price tag at $300,000 annually. (I think you're worth it or rather your youth is worth it).

Anonymous said...

^How many single males in their early 30's in or around Provo, UT are actually making 300K+?

Sarah said...

^how many people in their early 30s ANYWHERE are making 300K+?

I think putting an age limit is okay as long as you are flexible and adjust it as you get older. The difference between 19 and 26 is a lot different than 34 and 41. The older you get, the less it matters.

Marriage is hard regardless of the age difference, so don't get caught up in it! Date him. If you like him, marry him. If you don't move on. There is something to be said for someone who can take care of you and a family financially, but neither age or money can replace a good heart, a strong testimony and good ol' fashioned attraction ;) Good luck my dear!

Pascal said...

Haven't you ever heard the dating age gap rule? Divide someone's age by 2 and add 7, that's the youngest they can date. So, for example, a 30 year old can date a 22 year old, but no younger. As someone mentioned, the older you get, the smaller that age gap seems to be. Dating him isn't a commitment, it's an experiment; see how it goes. If he's really that amazing, and it works for the two of you, why does something as arbitrary as age matter? Maturity and compatibility have a lot more to do with life experience than actual years.

Anonymous said...

I know everyone has already put their 2 cents in on the matter, and this is a whole week late but oh well.

I think ultimately it depends on how you feel about it. My friend is engaged to someone at least 15 years older than her and a lot of people think its weird. However, while I might be weirded out by that age difference, I can understand why she's completely ok with it. She is older by nature anyhow and honestly, I think if she dated someone her own age, he would totally bore/annoy her.

Like I said, it ultimately comes down to how YOU feel about it.