Weekend Update on The Lone Wanderer: Part II

6/13/2012 The Closer 1 Comments

I came back from my weekend rendezvous with The Lone Wanderer about two weeks ago to a whirlwind of questions from the friends that I had told. I don't know that I've mentioned this before, but relationships and relationship-type things stress. me. out. As much as I enjoyed my time with The Lone Wanderer, I felt incredibly anxious when I left Idaho. You know those times when you're not quite sure if you are getting some sort of "warning" or you're just working yourself into a tizzy over nothing? It was one of those times.

The whole drive back my mind was buzzing with doubts and excitement and fears and butterflies. I was conflicted. I was upset that I was so conflicted, because he had told me that he thought the weekend went even better than he had hoped. That must mean that there were no feelings of conflict for him, because I couldn't voice those same sentiments. He also called me a  few hours into the drive back home to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about our weekend.

(Insert smiles mixed with high anxiety here)

What didn't help the anxiety was knowing the whirlwind of questions that I was coming home to. I was silently hoping that I would get home late enough to not see my roommates, and get the night to process what I was thinking and feeling. Luckily I arrived home just late enough for them to already be in bed.

At this point, the signs were telling me that The Lone Wanderer was very much into me. And I was not at all feeling ready for something big or serious with him. We never had a "DTR" sort of conversation, so when people would ask what we were, I would tell them that we enjoyed the weekend and we were still seeing where things might go. Then something odd happened. We went from texting all day and talking every night to practically nothing. There was a stretch of four days where we didn't talk at all. It looked a little like this: 

Our contact plummeted, and I didn't know why. Was it because all the excitement got used up for our big meet up? Was he freaking out as much as I was? Was he just busy and I was over-analyzing things?

All this did was add to my stress, and confusion, as well as roll some annoyance into the mix.

You may notice that at the "Now" marker on the timeline, the contact starts to increase again. I finally decided to be a grown up and voice to him that I had noticed that we hadn't been talking as much, and when I wouldn't hear from him until ten o'clock at night, it would made me feel like an afterthought. I voiced to him that it was important to me that I feel like some sort of priority in his life, because if we're not talking, we have nothing- we live in two different states after all. I made sure to talk to him while I wasn't upset, because the last thing I wanted to do was make him feel nagged, I simply wanted to vocalize my needs.

Since that conversation I have noticed an increase in his efforts, and that has been comforting to see.

I still have all of those stressed and anxious feelings from before that I need to evaluate. I don't have that "This is wonderful! Proceed!" feeling. Not that I should, I am just noting that I do not. I also don't have a "Stop! This is the worst decision you could ever possibly make!" feeling. As of right now, I am waiting. Waiting to see if he will still treat me like I am worth working for. If he is willing to still act like he is trying to earn my affections, versus acting like they have already been earned and the work is done. The jury is still out on The Lone Wanderer, but at least my head is more in the game this time around.

Yours Truly,

The Closer

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Anonymous said...

That sounds like a stressful couple of weeks! Good luck Closer...