"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery"

6/04/2012 The Blue Stocking 6 Comments

Bingley has a girlfriend. Yup.

I guess that explains why he’s been weird to me the last few weeks. Well, weirder than normal ha ha.

The one thing I keep wondering is when he started dating her? I keep trying to set up a timeline in my head.

February: Like is in the air!
March: Everything was fine.
April: Things were busy, but we were still going on dates.
May: We planned a couple dates, but had to reschedule because we both were going out of town...a lot.
June: He has a girlfriend.

It doesn’t exactly make sense, which is why I was so confused when he showed up holding her hand at my friends party Saturday night.

More confusing is the fact that I didn’t leave in tears. Instead, I endured the sympathetic glances attacking me on all sides as I sat there smiling while I formed the previously mentioned timeline in my head.

I waited for the sadness to sneak up on me. I expected to feel angry or betrayed, but for some reason I just didn’t. Instead, I felt intense relief. I finally know what’s going on! I’ve spent months trying to figure this guy out and now I understand. And the fact that I’m not extremely sad (don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty sad) or angry speaks volumes.

The last time I liked a guy the very thought of him with another girl made me so hollow inside I just wanted to escape and vanish. It’s just crazy because I thought Bingley and I would be so perfect together, but we just weren’t. I kept telling myself that if I tried hard enough, it would all come together, we would finally click. But we just never did and I don’t know why.

The only things I know for sure are:

Bingley is an amazing guy.
Bingley and I tried, but something was always off.
I need to change my idea of the perfect guy. I keep finding these versions that fit my idea of perfection, and yet they never perfectly fit me. Weird eh?

Jane and Mr Bingley  - pride-and-prejudice photo

C’est La Vie

-The Blue Stocking

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The Charmer said...

So remember that one time I tried to date Masimo, who was also an amazing guy and for some reason we also didn't click and even though he seemed like the "perfect" man, he just didn't fit me?

Yeah. I never quite figured that one out, either. But I feel ya, girl. Good luck! :)

The Charmer

Anonymous said...

hmmm. I don't like this kid.

Anonymous said...

Willoughby. He was no Bingley. I don't begrudge him that...but I think your Bingley is still waiting in the wings. ;)

Heidi said...

More like Frank Churchill I think

Anonymous said...

If he's Frank Churchill that means Mr. Knightley is right around the corner!!!!!

Anonymous said...

That would mean you already know Mr. Knightly. How fun would that be? :)