A word of advice

6/29/2011 The Romantic 2 Comments

Dear Anti-Austens,

Personally, I’ve never read a Jane Austen novel, nor have I watched a true Jane Austen film. (I know, it’s a travesty.) However, I stumbled upon your blog and I think I’m hooked! Do you give advice? I have little experience with dating, especially the BYU dating culture, and my life’s a little complicated right now.

I’m in a semi-awkward/undefined relationship with a guy from my major. It’s complicated because our major is a small group of mostly girls and he’s one of the few guys. He first knew I was interested in him at the end of winter semester, but things were crazy and I was leaving for the summer. We texted sporadically for a couple months, but I always felt like I was trying to start or carry the conversation, just to talk to him. So then, I found out I was going to be visiting in Provo for a couple days and he surprised me by inviting me to watch a movie with him. Well, we’ve seen 2 movies (in the 3 days I’ve been in town), one at his place (which was spontaneous and late-r at night) and one at the theater (which was his original invitation).

I’m confused because he asked me both times, yet he didn’t make any effort to break the “friends” barrier. I even gave him every opportunity to sit close, put his arm around me, hold my hand, etc! Grrrrr, I just wish I could read his mind! Is he worried about having a long-distance relationship? Is he not interested in being more than friends? Is he worried about it getting awkward if it doesn’t work out (because our class is really small)? Does it bother him that I’m so much younger than him?...

So, Anti-Austens, if you have any advice, please send it my way. I could really use it.


JUST friends?

Recently we've received a bombardment of emails here at the Anti-Austen. And for the very first time ever, we've received our very first email asking for advice. Here goes my first attempt at a reply:

Dear JUST Friends,
When I was 19, I met a boy in my German class. Later, we happened to go on a study abroad together. During that time, we both decided on a major. It happened to be the same one. Art History. It was like I couldn't escape him even if I tried. He even ended up being in a class I TA'ed for. Somehow along the way, we became really great friends. And I convinced myself that we were meant to be, and also that I was in love with him. When Sweater Guy and I broke up the first time, he was there to hold while I cried, and to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. He was also there every other time Sweater Guy and I broke up, offering me ice cream when I needed it. But during the times when I was single, I was always so confused. Why didn't he ever ask me out? We were perfect for each other! And it was obviously meant to be, or otherwise we wouldn't keep ending up in the same classes right?

But, during the time I was dating Sweater Guy, he started dating someone else. And now they are married. And here's what I've learned through the whole experience.

Sometimes boys may come into our lives, and though we may be the best of friends, that may be the only thing we're ever meant to be.

And it's ok. Because you know what? This guy, the one who's been my best friend for so long, is still one of my very dear friends. I still have no clue to this day if he ever knew that I had feelings for him. But I don't care. His wife is simply fantastic. And he and I still make obscure art reference jokes to each other all the time. We're like brother and sister now.

It's hard because every girl wants their own Mr. Knightley. We want to fall in love with our best friend. But after months and months of this guy never making a move, I realized that I needed to move on. It's ok to be his friend still. But if you've made yourself available and he's not holding your hand or pushing those wisps of hair behind your ear when they fall in front of your face, then it's time to find a man who will.

And I most sincerely believe that he's out there for you!

-the Romantic

Well, we've heard what Miss Romantic has to say. But what about the rest of you? Do you have any advice for our dear reader?
-the Anti-Austens

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Jori said...

I can see why you're confused. I was in something like this once, except he DID break down the friends barrier, but then proceeded to tell me that he didn't want to date. From what it sounds like, he's either scared at getting into a relationship with you, or he's just not interested in you in that way. And if he liked you back, I have a feeling he would break down the friends barrier. And that age thing? I think that could be a thing, too; even though it might not matter to you, it might to him. Maybe you should just be bold and ask him where you guys are at. He asked you out, but didn't go any further than that, so what's the deal? The sooner you know, the sooner you can move on and find a guy willing to break down that barrier (if only I would listen to my own advice...).

wjcr said...

Or.....how about you make a move or ask him why he isn't making a move. And then....move on.