In vain I have struggled.

12/27/2012 The Lady 4 Comments

Horror. Utter horror. If the world was as it should be, exes would disappear once the relationship ended. Instead, they continue to haunt. One becomes anxious just going to the grocery store for the fear of bumping into an "Undesirable". While some have exes who simply lurk around the edges of their lives, mine seek me out. 

I was nervous when I left Provo for Christmas break that my path would cross at least once {if not several times} with one {or more} of my past amours. Since Mr. Cowboy and his little wife {ugh} live in the same area as my parents, a run-in was almost inevitable. I was on my toes at church to make a quick exit if I needed to, and I strategically planned and timed my trips to the store. But I imagined myself safe when I was in the confines of my own home. Foolhardy. 

On Christmas Eve, Mr. Cowboy came to my house. Blatant. Harsh. Confusing. My sister rushed to the bathroom where I was getting ready and warned me that Mr. Cowboy was at the door. As he was welcomed into my home as a long lost friend by the entire family, I remained locked in my bedroom pretending to be non-existent and covering my ears with my hands to block out the sound of his voice and laughter.  Unbearable. I waited an hour while my family chatted with him, praying that he would leave. Towards the end of the hour, Mr. Cowboy sent my sister to fetch me from my prison. I refused to show my face and my dear sister {whom I owe so much} was left with the task of informing Mr. Cowboy, who left without his characteristic smile on his face. 

Why did he come? Surely he realizes that friendship between us is impossible. Why would he seek me out?

I'm ashamed to admit that this one still hurts. Surprisingly, much more than the Dex situation {who was also just recently married}. I imagined that in my joy of being free from all these expectations and circumstances that I would be sincerely joyous, but some days I am not. Even though I understand deep down that I do not want to be married to any of these gentlemen, it is insufferable to be the one not chosen. The anti-heroine. 

Con Amor, 
The Lady

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Anonymous said...

How obnoxious of him. Upon his engagement you informed him you wanted nothing to do with him ever again. For him to show up at your house seems almost... manipulative.

Anonymous said...

That stinks that your family seems to be such great friends with your exes! I would hate that. Luckily my family has yet to like anyone I have dated. Hope the rest of your break goes will without further incidents or run-ins.

Anonymous said...

What was he thinking!?! There is no proper reason for him to come over to an ex- girlfriend's house. Even if he was or is on great terms with your family, and to do so without his wife is scandalous. His insensitivity to make it even more awkward by "sending" for you further calls him out as a cad.

If he ever pulls a stunt like that again or if you run into him or them, inform him to do you the courtesy of not intruding on your privacy as you are cultivating other friendships.

Mr. Bennettìj

Anonymous said...

I have a hard time with this. On the one hand, where was his wife? I can see him dropping by to say hi to your family if he is a family friend, but it was obvious by your hiding that you didn't want to see him. Why on earth would he send for you?!! On the other hand, I'm a little surprised by and maybe disappointed in your behavior. Maybe your post didn't do the situation justice, but you are a (THE) Lady, and I think hiding out in your bedroom is a little beneath you (high school behavior, maybe). You are brilliant and he knows it. You ARE the heroine--the one who didn't give in to settling for less than you deserve. Let your light shine! Don't you for a second feel that anyone can or should make you feel like hiding away in your own home. Anonymous #1 made a good point. He was being manipulative. Maybe he was smug in his (perhaps feigned) happiness, but you are above that. Unfortunately, you gave in to his manipulation. Lady, I don't blame your reaction one bit. I doubt I could've or would've done any better. I guess what I'm after is that you know that you should not be controlled nor your hand forced by anyone, much less an unwanted and unwelcome guest.