EFY Update

6/30/2014 The Charmer 1 Comments

Real-time Update on The Charmer's EFY Status:

(It's almost like you're following my Twitter account or something)


  • Nevada and I are NOT co-counselors this week. In fact, despite his initial animated greeting when he saw me at the airport, we've had fairly unexciting interactions. On the bus-ride from the airport I think he might have been going to sit by me but someone else sat down next to me first. So, Nevada ended up spending the drive flirting with another counselor...and she actually did end up being his co this week. So much for that...?
  • Logan got my number tonight. [Okay okay, so it wasn't like he got it to send me flirty texts or anything. It was work-related. Don't get too excited. However...the fact is that he now has my number, just in case he ever does decide to send a not-work-related text]
  • Oh, and did I mention that Logan and I will be spending two hours together every day because we're in charge of musical program together...? [#fate? #divineintervention? guess we'll see]
Love you all!

kisses,
the charmer

PS- One of the first questions my girls asked me during "Meet Your Counselor" was if there were any of the guy counselors that I thought were cute. I swear, I have gotten the most boy-obsessed teenage girls this summer...

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More EFY Lovin': #TeamLogan

6/29/2014 The Charmer 3 Comments

I guess it’s not a true summer of EFY unless you have a little bit of relationship drama.
Mine all started on Tuesday when a 16-year-old started concocting schemes in her head. I didn’t realize at the time just how out-of-control and hilarious these schemes would get.

Like my kids last week, my new batch of teenagers had already started trying “shipping” my co Melbourne and I by Monday night. (I learned a new phrase that’s popular among the 14-18 year old crowd: when someone wants you and another person to hook up, they are “shipping” for you) Funnily enough, it was mainly the boys this time saying things like, “Oooh, Charmer, you and Melbourne danced really well together during orientation. I bet he’d love to dance with you again tomorrow night…”

Now, just FYI, this isn’t another story like last week’s. I loved my co to death, but neither one of us was interested in each other. We were totally both in the friend zone….which was PERFECT. No, things in my love life got interesting when one of my girls Isabelle came to me Tuesday and said, “Charmer, I really like Melbourne, but the two of you just aren’t right for each other. I’ve started making a list of other counselors that I think are a better match.”

This list quickly got narrowed to one counselor in particular: Logan. Now, technically Logan wasn’t a counselor; he was a BC. For those of you unfamiliar with EFY lingo, this means that he was in charge of running a lot of the programs and behind-the-scenes stuff for the week. He was also kind of a “counselor for the counselors” and had a group of male counselors that he was in charge of taking care of during the week. Of course, he just happened to be Melbourne’s BC. When Isabelle first brought up his name, I didn’t think much of it. Yeah, he was super cute, but I honestly hadn’t had him or anyone else on my radar at all mainly because hello, I’d already met the man of my dreams [Nevada] last week.

Well, Isabelle and a couple of my girls ended up being even more relentless than my kids last week. When I told them I didn’t even know how to flirt or talk to boys anymore, they took it upon themselves to help me out. On Wednesday morning we happened to be the last ones to leave breakfast and as we left, they noticed him sitting with another BC in the cafeteria. I was barely out the door when Isabelle grabbed me and said, “We HAVE to go back inside. This is the perfect opportunity for you to catch Logan’s eye.” We’d already left, so I told her no way!, but somehow they managed to convince me to go back under the premise that they had left something behind. So here I am, accompanied by my two 16-yr-old wingmen, strutting past where Logan is sitting to grab an imaginary left-behind phone. And you know what? When I walked by and HE was the one who looked up an initiated a “Hey!” and friendly wave, it felt good. Really good.



And from that point on, I didn’t try to shut down Isabelle’s scheming. I kind of found myself starting to crush on the kid. I didn’t interact with him as much as I did with Nevada last week, but every time we DID have an interaction, I was really impressed with him. Because 16-year-olds aren’t known for keeping secrets, word quickly spread to all of our kids that there was another man on Mom’s radar. Hilarity ensued within our little “family” of kids this week as the girls all started to pull for #TeamLogan while the boys refused to leave #TeamMelbourne. It wasn’t uncommon to hear phrases like, “Mom, [that’s referring to me], what do you even SEE in Logan? He’s not my real dad! Isn’t dad [Melbourne] enough for you?” A personal favorite was when some of the boys started telling Melbourne to ask me on a date and he said, “Guys, I think she’s interested in someone else.” One of the boys said to the others, “It’s okay everyone, Mom and Dad are just going through a rough patch right now.” [You gotta love EFY kids]

But it didn’t end there. I started noticing that Logan actually did seem a little bit interested. He always made the effort to say hi and complimented me a few times during the week. Finally, I started to notice that he would blush every time our company walked by. Of course, my girls noticed it too, and finally Isabelle decided to admit, “Charmer, earlier today I went and found Logan and told him that he should ask you on a date.” Umm….wait a second….you did WHAT?!? No wonder the poor kid had started blushing.  I found out soon after that the blushing wasn’t only due to Isabelle’s relentless schemes. At Friday during lunch, one of the female BCs motions me over and asks, “Hey, so do you think Logan is cute?!” My immediate response was, “Oh my gosh, did my girls talk to you?!” She looked at me, puzzled. Surprisingly, they hadn’t, and apparently the whole BC team had independently decided that Logan and I needed to hook up. So after exchanging a few words with me, I watch helplessly as her and one of the other male BCs walk over to Logan and let him know that he should definitely be considering a date with me. On Friday night, I found out that Logan had been approached separately four different times during the week about going on a date with me by BCs, my girls, our coordinator for the week, and even my co!! They were all in it! The poor kid. I couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed for him. I would be lucky if he ever wanted to speak to me again.

Luckily, though this COW story [crush-of-the-week] has a happy ending. On Friday night at the dance he DID in fact ask me to dance during the last slow song (usually there are 1 or 2 dances where the DJ calls a “COUNSELOR DANCE!” and counselors are allowed to dance together.) My girls were speechless with joy and proceeded to snap pictures of us the whole time. Even my co Melbourne was jumping up and down and giving me thumbs-up. I’ve got to admit, I did look pretty happy in the pictures they took.  


Because EFY sessions are only a week, often the end of the session means the end of crushes like this since half the time you won’t work around each other again during the summer. However, as Isabelle and the rest of her crew were excited to discover, Logan and I are working the same session this coming week. It’s a pretty small, intimate session and I wish I could tell you exactly where it is because it’s fan-freakin-tastic. (But hey, I do TRY to maintain my anonymity on this blog)

But here’s the real kicker: guess who else is working the session?
Nevada.

Yup. Time for a little more wildness in my love life.

xoxo,

the charmer

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Henry + Blue = ???

6/28/2014 The Blue Stocking 1 Comments





After I broke things off with James, things got all kinds of magical with Henry. I had never before been in a relationship where I was calm. I felt like we just fit and there was nothing I needed to worry about. I finally realized that dating didn’t mean awkward confusing conversations and internal doubt. This was the first guy in a long time that I felt like I could possibly have a future with.

Nutsy I know.

Our dates ranged from going to concerts to binge watching Sherlock, but my favorite was one that took place on a dried up lake, our dried up lake. We found the lake weeks before and came back for a night of games. By the end of the night it was just us sitting in the middle of the lake trying to cheat our way to victory in Spot It. I won by the by.


Fast-forward a couple weeks and I started likening our relationship to the movie groundhogs day. The movie where Bill Murray lives the same day over and over and over...


I was Bill Murray and every week in the Henry and Blue saga was exactly like the one before.

 Sunday: Henry chats me up before and after Sacrament meeting.
FHE: Hang out with Henry during activity.
Wednesday: Invite Henry to dinner with friends.
Thursday: Henry asks me out for Saturday.
Saturday: Date night.

And this kept going week after week with nothing progressing. Maybe I’m mistaken, but at some point shouldn’t we be hanging out more? Maybe texting more? Maybe doing anything more?

Don’t get me wrong, things with Henry were great, but our first date was the same as our seventh. And our relationship, while fun, needed a splash of depth added to it. And I guess what was really missing was either one of us saying “hey, I like you.”

It would have been great to feel secure in us.


But we had a ward campout coming up and it seemed like a little getaway with Henry might help things immensely.  

-The Bluestocking

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Breaking up before I break down

6/25/2014 The Blue Stocking 3 Comments

Knowing I had to end things with either Henry or James and actually doing it were two totally different things. Why couldn’t I be normal and just date several guys at a time? Or better yet, why couldn’t I have met them at different times?!

I finally decided that after four weeks of chatting I needed to end things with James.

Things were just more natural with Henry and I didn’t have enough time to develop anything with James before I passed out from the crazy’s…oh wait, I already did that.

I decided that I wanted to do this the right way and tell it to him straight. I explained that I was dating someone else and I felt smutzy dating both of them. And even though I realized dating more than one guy is what we’re supposed to do, I wasn’t emotionally equipped to handle the pressure. I then apologized for being the worst.

James thanked me for being upfront and said it was ok.

I felt bad, but I had been an adult and taken control of my dating life and I was proud of how everything went down.

That feeling lasted for about two days, until James messaged me saying he didn’t know why he was doing this, but he wanted me to know it was enjoyable getting to know me and he felt bad for taking up my time when I was interested in someone else.

I explained that he hadn’t taken up my time and I loved our month spent together.

I should not have said that. I repeat: I should not have said that.

That threw us into an hour convo about how he doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal for me to date two people while I tried to explain my crazy. It ended with him saying I was confusing him and asking if I still wanted to keep dating. To which I responded I did not.

It was awful.

The worst part was I couldn’t say, I don’t like you, because I did like him, that was the problem. For the past month I had thoroughly enjoyed our fb messages, but my mental/physical health couldn’t handle it. Which makes me sound loony toons, but it’s the truth.

Now whenever he sees me at church he walks in the opposite direction. Understandable, but not subtle. Last week I was standing in one of the aisles while he tried to sneak behind me. I turned to made eye contact and his response was to look at me, stop mid-step, turn around and continue on down a different aisle.

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Awkward: 24
Bluestocking: 0  

-The Bluestocking

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Unrequited: The Woes of an EFY Counselor

6/22/2014 The Charmer 3 Comments

For those of you who are considering being an EFY counselor, I would HIGHLY recommend it. It is seriously the BEST JOB EVER. I also have a couple pieces of advice for you to live by:

a)   Get ready to live out of a suitcase and be very, very tired. And don’t expect to have any REAL breaks. [This weekend, my “day off” was split between hanging out in an airport and snoozing on a plane heading back to Salt Lake from my outside-of-Utah EFY session. Then I get to jump right back in again tonight!]
b) Don’t fall in love with your co-counselor.

Obviously, since this is a dating blog, I am going to be focusing on point b. Because despite the fact that in my last post I claimed that I had no love interests, due to my ever humorous and ironic life, one showed up this week.
I must confess that I did not take my own advice. This week, I fell head over heels for my co.

First off, two important things happened on Sunday before the EFY week started. One was that in relief society, our teacher had us make the classic “what traits do we want in our husband” list. I hadn’t made one in a while and it was cool to see how my perspectives have changed since serving a mission (aka every bullet point was something spiritual with none of that “6’3” with brown hair” business). Another important thing that happened last weekend occurs every Sunday night as an EFY counselor. After a training meeting and a fireside, you get the list with your kids’ names on it and you get paired up with your co-counselor(s) for the week. Finding out the name of your co is definitely the most anticipated part of the evening, and a counselor’s reaction always falls into one of these three categories:
(1)”YESSSS!!!”,
(2)“…Wait, who is that?”, or
 (3) “…really…?! Ugh. Oh boy. Here we go.”

My reaction when I got paired with my new co Nevada fell into category 3. Yes, my initial thoughts were, “…Really? Of course it would be him. Of course.” I didn’t know much about Nevada, but from what I’d seen of him the week before he seemed kind of arrogant. [Yes yes, I KNOW I shouldn’t judge people; it’s one of those lovely character flaws I am trying to work on!]


Well, despite the Pride and Prejudice beginnings to our friendship, the long story short is that the week ended up being one of the very best weeks of EFY I’ve ever had. We were a dynamic team, we had great co-ship unity, we taught really well together, and our company ROCKED.
And…oh yeah, I also ended up hard-core crushing on him. As preconceived judgments tend to be, mine were totally wrong, and he ended up being a really sincere, humble, and all-around awesome guy. But here’s the crazy thing—remember that list I made on Sunday? Throughout the week, he would literally say things that would make me do a double-take and wonder if this was some kind of divine joke since the things he said were word for word what I had written down. When I finally re-read the list on Thursday night, I realized with a shock that Nevada fit everything on it. This boy was quite possibly my dream man! After all, not only did he fit all the spiritual things I am looking for, but the boy can sing. And dance. My little heart could hardly handle it.

Of course, our kids caught on pretty fast that we seemed to be a good match and were relentless in their efforts to hook us up. If I even talked to another guy counselor during the week, I was met with the hurt faces of my kids accusing me of “cheating on Nevada!” Rather than finding it annoying, I found it hilarious. Besides, if I’m being honest, I liked it just a little bit because it meant I wasn’t the only one that thought we were a fabulous match.

But here’s the thing. Nevada was not interested. Sure, there were a few moments where he’d get a little flirty or play up our relationship for the kids, but the whole time he had his eye on another counselor. [This was confirmed when he chose to sit by her for the busride back to the airport rather than me.]


So my question is….what’s a girl to do? Should I just chalk it up as a loss and realize that I’ll probably have at least one more crushworthy co this summer? It’s tempting to admit defeat and take that option…but Nevada fit everything on my dang list. How often does that happen?

What would you do?


xoxo,
the charmer

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Dating may be the death of me

6/19/2014 The Blue Stocking 2 Comments

The week following the FHE fiasco, James and I were in hourly contact and Henry and I had hung out almost every night. By the weekend I was feeling thoroughly smutzy and had stopped eating. Not kidding. I had lost about 10 lbs and my nightly rest was a joke. Every morning I woke up at 3 AM thinking “remember that time you were a terrible person? Yeah, you’re never sleeping again.”

I couldn’t help but feel my body was allergic to dating. 

During the week the boys wanted to plan out our dates, but their approaches were entirely different. James would send messages asking me to tell him when I was free and to plan something for us to do. Um…no. Once again, not my job. Henry on the other hand, took me to Barnes and Noble after our dinner on Wednesday so we could scout out abandoned villages we could explore for our date. 

It was like we were in a movie.

On Friday, James and I had decided to go to one of my favorite used bookstores and just wander about. It was great. I mean how can you not enjoy being surrounded by books with a handsome guy in tow? Our date made me realize how much I love that James does ask me so many questions. It's a wonderful feeling to have someone want to know you. And you guys, I can’t resist a fellow book nerd. I just can’t. Especially one as attractive as him *sigh*. 

Saturday morning Henry picked me up for our date which would include exploring and waterfalls. We drove for about two hours and did the whole, what music do you like, bit and we’re basically hipster soul mates. The rest of the day was spent splashing about in the sun.

Just like the previous date, we had a fantastic time with each other. Usually when I’m with a guy I feel the need to fill the awkward silences that tend to pop up, but I can’t remember any point of the date when I wasn’t laughing.

Oh wait, yes I can.

After our little hike I was feeling…not so great. I’m not sure if it was all the exercise, the blaring sun, or the fact I had barely eaten in weeks, but things were going downhill. That feeling quickly progressed to “I’m either going to pass out in this guy’s car or throw up... or both.”

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I told Henry I felt a tad deathy and had him pull over at a sketchy nearly abandoned restroom. I then spent forty minutes passed out on the concrete floor of that restroom. Once I was able to stand again, I sheepishly wandered back outside to the car to find Henry there waiting with powerade.

We laughed the rest of the way home, because really what else can you do. Once we got to my house I had to cut the goodbye short so I could run in, throw up powerade, and spend some quality time on my carpet. 

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Other than the vomiting, the date went really well.

At my house I was able to check my phone which contained several messages from James asking how my day was. At this point I knew I had to do something. I couldn’t go into round three with each guy knowing that I would only fall deeper and deeper in like with both of them.


Also, I needed to gain some weight back. I believe my mother put it best when she said “you look terrible.” Oh Moms.

-The Bluestocking

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Worlds Collide

6/18/2014 The Blue Stocking 3 Comments

The FHE following my two dates with Henry and James was a stake wide picnic. When I got there I immediately saw Henry and he told me to grab some food and sit by him. I love how unawkward it is being around him. We ate dinner and he casually brought up the fact we needed to go on another adventure. I agreed and we joked about the various options. Then I left to go through a blow up obstacle course because I’m nine-years-old.

When I got off the ride I saw several FB messages from James, no he still didn’t have my number, asking where I was. I sent out my location and he found me within minutes. This time our conversation was different. He was responding to everything and it was if our in-person interactions were catching up to our intimate FB messaging. At one point he brought up the fact we needed to go book shopping together. Oh dear heavens, yes please. This was my kind of date. Now I began to think that maybe, just maybe, this could work out.

I no sooner thought that then I saw someone approaching from the side, Henry,

Henry: “James! Hey, how in the world do you know Blue?”

James: “Wait, you know Blue too? How do you guys know each other?”

And there I was, sweating.

Henry: “Blue, you are so lucky to know James. He is beyond amazing.”

James: “No it’s Henry that’s truly fantastic.”

Me: still sweating

They went on to talk about why they thought the other person was the bees knees while I turned into a puddle of perspiration.

But it didn’t end there, for the next 30 minutes they talked about how we should all hang out. I mean what could be more fun than that?!

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Eventually, James left and Henry and I stayed to talk for another 30 minutes and plan a midweek movie night. After I left, James texted me asking where I had gone. I don’t know how people date more than one person at a time, but I am drowning in my own sweat over here. 

-The Bluestocking

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Incidents from the Life of The Charmer: Summer Sales Boys

6/16/2014 The Charmer 0 Comments

[Since there isn't currently much happening with my love life, seeing as how most of the single guys I'm surrounded by this summer are between the ages of 14 and 18, I figured I'd share a few little anecdotes from the short time I spent in my home singles ward.]
[And I do hope that if any of you ARE summer sales boys, you don't take offense at this post. I mean it all in love, yes?]
......................................................................................................................

I really must tell you about the summer sales boys.


They are an interesting phenomenon that show up in singles wards across the country some time between April and May. They are beautiful blonde boys that all look the same, hired by alarm companies and pest control companies to be door-to-door salesmen in random places where no one really needs pest control or alarm systems. I don't know what sort of success rate accompanies their door-to-door knocking, but they DO tend to have a high success rate when it comes to getting all of the 18-20 year old girls in the ward to drool over them.

When they showed up, I was planning to steer clear of them since they tend to have a reputation for being tools and for flirting with anyone wearing a skirt [again, sorry to any of you who ARE sales boys and don't fit this description!]. However, they seemed to come to some sort of group consensus that I was a desirable target. Their first Sunday in the ward, I found myself surrounded by them after Sunday school, all asking questions about my mission or complimenting me on the choir concert some of them had seen me in the night before. Unfortunately, I promptly [but not on purpose] forgot all of their names because not only did they LOOK alike, their names all sounded the same as well. (Besides, I figured they'd probably move on to find other girls in the relief society the next week.)

However, to my surprise, they didn't forget about me. The next week I gave a talk in church, and when I came down from the stand I again found myself surrounded by them, all grinning and congratulating me. It must have been a funny sight....an overwhelmed-looking Charmer, literally encircled by this grinning group of California boys: Dane, Braden, Blake, James, whatever their names were.

About a month later, my last Sunday in the ward, I sang a musical number with one of my guy friends. It went really well! However, it also added fuel to their fire. They all made sure to find a chance throughout the rest of sacrament meeting to catch my eye and whisper that my song was "beautiful" and then afterwards, they again surrounded me and sat in a sort of clump fashion around me in Sunday school. (This meant that unfortunately, I couldn't sneak out to the bathroom before Sunday school started and consequently had to pee for the entire next hour.)

That would have been the extent of my interactions with the boys, except for the humorous scene that played out after church. One of them in particular (King Pest Control, aka King PC) had been extremely persistent and consistent as far as noticing me and attempting to flirt with me every Sunday. He sort of seemed like the leader of the group...or at least the leader of the "Woo the Charmer" movement. Ironically enough, my house happened to be on his sales route so he even knocked on our door one afternoon. Although he never really made much of a move, he always managed to let me know that he was sad I was leaving so soon.

Anyway, he had been attempting to talk to me after Sunday school to invite me to play ultimate frisbee with the sales boys sometime during the week. But because he was kind of on the outskirts of the clump of men surrounding me, he eventually gave up and told me he'd talk to me after church.

FAST FORWARD TO THE END OF CHURCH...when things get a little more #awkward.

 After relief society I find myself chatting with a few of my friends from the ward....there's about 5 or 6 of them, a mix of guys and a couple of girls. Awkwardly, the conversation topic changes to ME. Yeah, this is real life. And yeah, it was awkward. It started when one of the guys decided to poke a bit of fun at my love life [one of his favorite past times] by teasing me about a date I'd been on the day before. Then, somehow, the whole group decided to talk about and agree on the fact that a majority of the ward boys were in love with me. So as they are discussing this and as I am trying to re-direct the topic and tell them they're crazy, all of a sudden King PC sidles up, wingman in tow [one of the blonde boys, also of the summer sales club]. They pause briefly when they notice the group...but then, unaffected, stroll right into the middle of the circle and over to me. King somewhat attempts to pull me aside discreetly, but noticing the instant stares and silence of the group, realizes it's pointless. So, even with everyone listening in [and smirking because weren't they JUST talking about this?!], he invites me to an activity later on in the week and asks for my number. Let's just talk about the fact that it totally caught me off-guard and I accidentally gave him the wrong number at first. Haha. Whoops. Then, mission accomplished, the two sales boys pull themselves away, and leave me to the "told you so" smirks of the group.

Oh but wait, it gets better. After they leave one of the guys in the group decides to confess his undying love for me and begs me not to go to EFY for the summer. #moreawkward #ismylifeasitcom


After making that exact face I quickly found a reason to leave. (Remember, awkward RM here, still unsure what to do with all this attention?)

And that is my tale of the summer sales boys...

 xoxo,
the charmer

PS- Just for the record, King never actually DID anything with my number. Guess he was all talk...

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Dating Henry

6/14/2014 The Blue Stocking 4 Comments

After the date with James I was feeling very confused. Here was a guy I could chat with all day via technology, but in person I was banging my head trying to keep the conversation above catatonic.

I spent Saturday worrying about this when my phone lit up with Henry’s name strewn across it. What the devil. I gave myself 3 seconds to calm down so I could answer without sounding like I'd been sucking helium.

Henry apologized for the short notice and asked if I would be interested in going on an adventure with him that night. An adventure so epic I would remember it for years to come…or at least that’s how he described it. I said yes of course and began planning the perfect outfit to go with said adventure. 

That night he picked me up, because he knows better than to have a girl meet him on a date, and we went to a forest filled with lakes. I know this sounds like it’s leading into a horror film setup where I barely escape with my life, but just stick with me because it’s better than that.

We got to the forest and turned into 13-year-olds running about exploring in the dark.  Everything was easy and we went from talking about political issues to our most embarrassing moments. I’d never been more comfortable on a date in my life. I didn’t feel like I needed to put on a show and everything just flowed.


After wandering about for a couple of hours we went and grabbed some froyo or as I like to call it the Mormon night cap. While enjoying my frozen dessert I realized this was quickly turning into a 5 hour date and oddly enough I was dreading the end to such a wonderful night. 

Now was time for the door scene. I hate it. Even the best dates are ruined by an awkward hug or even more awkward: the non-hug. But this time was different, we laughed up to the door step and the hug was quite nice if I do say so myself.

I laid awake Saturday night wondering what my life had become. For the first time in years I had two dates in one weekend. And what’s more, I liked both boys. Bonkers. I’m sure for most girls this was a regular occurrence, but I was not like most girls.

That Sunday I expected to have the traditional awkward after-first-date-interaction with Henry. You know that interaction with the guy you just went out with where you both don't know how the other one is feeling so things are a tad strained and you feel nauseated? Yeah, maybe I'm the only one that feels that way...anyhoo, Henry immediately came up to me when I got to church and said "remember that time we had a fantastic adventure." And I basically swooned.

Gosh I like him. 

-The Bluestocking

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I've Forgotten How to Flirt

6/12/2014 The Charmer 109 Comments


I'm going to let you in on a somewhat embarrassing secret.

I have forgotten how to flirt. 

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. It's fine, I give you permission to point fingers and make fun of me. But I am being completely serious! Luckily, I'm 100 times LESS awkward around guys than I was 3 months ago when I was a fresh RM. Unfortunately, however, the ability to coyly wink and win over a man's heart has not yet returned to me. For the first two weeks of EFY, I did not flirt with a single guy. I SWEAR. I rolled my eyes at all of the counselors that were paying more attention to each other than to their kids and did not even attempt witty banter with anyone. This week I've finally given it a bit more of a go and I've managed a few mischievous smiles and flirtatious waves....but that's honestly been the extent of my attempts.

Oh my, I'm a lost cause.


...or am I?

 Honestly, what I think has happened is that coming off of my mission, I am just NOT interested in "playing the game." On my mission, I learned how to be bold and straightforward with people. None of this "flirting" with the gospel thing. People either were working towards baptism or they weren't. People were either keeping commitments or they weren't. We didn't spend a lot of time with people who drifted around "trying out" every religion. You were either going to be serious about meeting with us or we would move onto someone who was a little more elect. I think that attitude has transferred over into my dating life and now I'm not remotely interested in wasting time with the guy who sweet talks every girl he encounters (definitely a few male counselors like that on the team this week).

Quick flashback to my love life of the last three months: I did have a little fling with someone in my singles ward. [Maybe "fling" isn't necessarily the right word, since that wasn't my intention going into it, but it only lasted about 2 weeks so in my mind it's a fling.] Here's the thing, though: as far as I can remember, there really wasn't any flirting involved. I'd just gotten off my mission, he'd gotten off my mission only a couple months before me, we both served in Florida [different missions], and THAT was how we first connected. After the initial "spiritual connection" thing, our dates consisted of activites like going to the temple, teaching with the missionaries, dancing at our Cinco de Mayo FHE, and making my favorite Honduran food from my mission (mmm...baleadas!). So yes, I guess we were kind of like RM nerds. Whatever. But my point is that there was none of "the game" involved. I knew he liked me, I was interested as well, and so we decided to give it a try. That was it! We were super straightforward with each other the whole time, and I liked that.

So the real question is...do I need to try and re-learn how to flirt? I managed to find a guy and have a relationship with him with no initial flirting. Granted, it didn't last very long and from my description of it, you're probably still pointing your fingers and laughing. However, now that I'm off at EFY I'm realizing that without employing some handy flirting tools, it might be impossible to catch anyone's eye. Flirting is the way it's done around here.

What do you think? Is it possible to navigate the dating pool without flirting? Or do I need to blow the dust off my handy "Flirting 101" book?

kisses,
the charmer

Oh, and if you're wondering what happened to the other RM I mentioned in my story.....here's the ending. He was a great guy, but it all happened just a little too fast for me. He was thinking a lot more seriously than I was. Plus, add in the fact that I was leaving for EFY all summer....and, well, in the end it just...ended. Nothing too dramatic or exciting. I just left, and that was that. [Cue my theme song: #runawayfromlove.]

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Dating James

6/08/2014 The Blue Stocking 1 Comments

I was unusually calm about the date with James. I mean we had after all spent weeks chatting all day via Facebook. Yes Facebook, he had yet to ask for my number. Is that concerning? Anyway, the plan was to go to dinner and he was going to pick the place.

On Friday he asked me if I wanted to just meet him there or have him pick me up. I never knew we had a choice. I decided to drive myself and here’s why, I shouldn’t have to tell a guy he needs to pick me up for a date: that’s not part of my job description.

When I got to the restaurant I couldn’t see him waiting in the front area so I went and sat outside. Couples kept staring at me probably wondering if I was getting stood up. I was wondering that myself. I finally messaged him to find that he was already at a table looking through the menu and sipping water.  

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The conversation throughout the night was…interesting. Every time I asked a question he would give me a vague answer and then ask me a series of probing questions. It was as if he didn’t want to say anything about himself. At first this was fine, but it started to drive me batty.

Me: Why did you choose that major?
James: Why not?
Me: Do you like your job?
James: I don’t hate it.
Me: Do you like movies?
James: Sure.

Maybe he’s just not a chatty person? The only problem with him playing Mr. Cool and Elusive is it put the spotlight on me. So I turned into a one woman show which is one of my least favorite things to do. It results in me doing far too many voices and expressions like this:

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Or this

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Basically I turn into a character Kristen Wigg has played on SNL. After all, who wouldn't want to date this?


Anyways...we ended the night by hugging in front of the restaurant and going our separate ways. If I had to guess what he was feeling I would say he didn’t enjoy himself and he hates my face.  

I didn’t do an after date text because I never do them. Whoops. But an hour later he sent me one telling me he had a great time. Did you?

Did you!

-The Bluestocking

P.S. Can I also mention he looked great, because he did.  I liken him to a CW actor.



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Summer Lovin?

6/04/2014 The Blue Stocking 2 Comments

I’ve been away for about two months and I can’t wait to update you on all of my adventures. Adventures which include me scandalously (but not so scandalously) dating two friends, me not so successfully breaking up with a guy, and then me deciding dying alone doesn't seem like the worst option. 

It’s been an exhausting two months.

When we left off I was being pursued by the ever so attractive James while Mrs. Bennet was figuratively and literally pushing me towards her son Henry.

At this point in time James and I were in constant communication. Our conversations were deep and fascinating and usually about literature *sigh*. I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to talk to him. But more than that, he was a wonderful constant in my life. I knew that at 10 each morning I would receive a message from him and we wouldn’t stop chatting until I set my alarm for the next morning. 

That Friday James and I made dinner plans and I went into the week feeling bold. I had after all a date with an attractive someone who I actually liked and confidence was most definitely in the air.

For some reason that boldness directly me to Henry.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was meant to happen between us and I wanted to pursue the possibility of us before things picked up with James.

Wow that was cheesy.

Anyways, at FHE I was walking by Henry and it hit me, why not just talk to him? So that’s what I did. The simplicity of that moment kills me.  I didn’t rub his elbow or send love darts out of the ol peepers; I simply laughed and had a great time.

The next morning I woke up to a funny message on my Facebook wall from Henry. I quickly sent out victory texts to my friends because that’s just what we do.

Wednesday rolled around and I decided to kick the bold up a notch by inviting Henry via FB to a casual weekly dinner with my friends. I felt sick the second I sent it and the sickness increased every minute until he replied that he would love to come.

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Dinner on Wednesday was fantastic, other than the initial awkwardness of having both Calvin and Henry in the same room. (Oh yeah, Calvin was there. I should have thought out the logistics a bit more).The night was a blast and he fit right into my group of friends, we even ended up standing outside of the restaurant for an hour laughing. Did I mention how much we laugh? I feel like I should.

We laugh a lot. I love it. I love every second of it. 

I feel like Henry’s the type of guy that people just get along with. He’s funny and has a dynamic personality plus he just seems comfortable being nerdy, possibly because he knows how awesome he is. Mostly, I just love the way I am around him.

That night I resisted contacting Henry. I had done my part and I needed to let the chips fall where they may.


Apparently the chips were in my favor because on Thursday morning he sent me what can only be called an after date FB message thanking me for inviting him and asked for my number. We spent the rest of the day texting, because he has my number, because he asked for it. 

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-The Bluestocking

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