The Ditcher Date

2/17/2013 The Blue Stocking 4 Comments

The day for me to date The Ditcher came like any other day. There were no warning signs. The woodland creatures went about on their normal rounds and the birds chirped their same melodic cry. I even forgot about it until my phone calender alerted me. 

Yes I put it in my phone. I forget stuff ok. 

I guess I should first take you back to Wednesday when I agreed to this date. He called, I actually answered, and he told me he was going to take me to see an oddity and it would be a real quick trip. He kept emphasizing how this would be a short date a really short date a date so short we could blink and it would be over. I kept thinking don't promise me something you can't deliver. 

But the real think that caught my attention was the mysterious "oddity" that we were going to see. 

I wanted to ask if this "date" to see an "oddity" was just an elaborate rouse to lure me away from the public eye so he could get a start on his career as a serial killer.  Instead I just let him know that my roommates would know who I was with and were really handy with sketching criminal facial deposits. 

Ok back to the story. My phone alerted me so I changed my clothes and opted for glasses and bell-bottoms. This may not mean anything to you, but it should. I NEVER wear glasses around a guy I like. NEVER. And I only break out the 70's inspired pants for hiking/chill time. I decided that if I was going on this date I was doing it in comfort. No doctoring my contacts with red eye-drops and sucking it up in skinnies. 

When he arrived he was holding a rose. All I could think was "please don't be nice to me. I'm not a nice person." Also, I don't know what my problem is, but I hate getting anything from guys. I hate it. It makes me feel indebted and dependent. But rest assured ladies, I will gladly receive a diamond. So I took that flower and awkwardly leaned back into my apartment and set it on my couch and then we were off. 

We drove thirty minutes out of Provo. Climbed a small mountain. And were there in time to watch the sun set as we explored a graveyard. Yup, a graveyard. Nothing more romantic then dead people and the promise of a setting sun which reminds us how we are all suns just waiting to set...

And on that mountain in our death themed date we stood and talked awkwardly around silent patches that lasted well past the normal time. Honestly, the worst part was I never once heard my voice breach the monotone sounds coming out of my mouth. Together we were boring. Towards the end he kept hinting at sitting down, but sitting was for people who were planning on staying. 

When we got back to the car we talked music. Oh sweet music. I rejoiced. This topic would revive the date. I listed off bands, and artists, and songs, proudly proclaiming my obsession. I then turned it over to him. His reply still chills me to the bone.

"My favorite music is you know rock/screamo Christian music."

I should have responded as my friend later advised and just opened the car door and spy dived out of there. Instead I hit The Wall. What is The Wall you ask? Well runners always talk about hitting a psychological wall while they are on a run and once they do they just can't seem to muster the strength to continue on. Well I had been going at a steady rate like a trouper, but in that moment I slammed head first into my wall. I was done and he was done. We drove on in almost silence and I was back on my door step an hour and a half later. I dodged the hug and slipped into my apartment. He called me an hour later for a Saturday date. I kindly declined.

Which brings me to today. I realized that The Ditcher's persistent nature might rear it's head this Sunday so I was going to try and lay low. My plan failed. After Sacrament I wanted to go talk to the speaker because he did a great job...and he was cute. But my path to the podium was obstructed by big D. In response to this road block, I subtly rerouted taking a much longer path around the building, but no sooner did I exit the room then he was waiting for me outside the door.  


I'm still confused on how he got there so fast. And what's even more confusing is how he could have been on the same date as me and somehow feel it went well. Or well enough to repeat. Anyways, he lead with his well used line of "Are you ditching again," to which I mumbled something in reply and got out of there. 

I heard there is a really great ward that meets in the JSB....

-The Bluestocking

P.S. Posts like these make me feel I need to write an disclosure statement. So here is goes: The Ditcher is a nice guy. His only fault is trying to get me on a date by using such forward tactics...and liking screamo music. 

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Anonymous said...

ha ha How do you find these people. No, really. How do you find them?

Bluestocking, you are my favorite.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I stumbled across this blog, but this entry is too funny. My only thought is that he heard how persistence pays off (I've known a few sisters in the ward that said they initially didn't want anything to do with their husbands, but "he pursued me in college and I finally fell in love." Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Screamo Christian music! I died!