The Ditcher Date
The day for me to date
The Ditcher came like any other day. There were no warning signs. The woodland
creatures went about on their normal rounds and the birds chirped their same
melodic cry. I even forgot about it until my phone calender alerted me.
Yes I put it in my
phone. I forget stuff ok.
I guess I should first take you back to Wednesday when I agreed to this date. He called, I actually answered, and he told me he was going to take me to
see an oddity and it would be a real quick trip. He kept emphasizing how this
would be a short date a really short date a date so short we could blink and it
would be over. I kept thinking don't promise me something you can't
deliver.
But the real think that
caught my attention was the mysterious "oddity" that we were going to
see.
I wanted to ask if this
"date" to see an "oddity" was just an elaborate rouse to
lure me away from the public eye so he could get a start on his career as a
serial killer. Instead I just let him know that my roommates would know who I was with and were really handy with sketching criminal facial
deposits.
Ok back to the story. My
phone alerted me so I changed my clothes and opted for glasses and
bell-bottoms. This may not mean anything to you, but it should. I NEVER wear
glasses around a guy I like. NEVER. And I only break out the 70's
inspired pants for hiking/chill time. I decided that if I was going on this
date I was doing it in comfort. No doctoring my contacts with red eye-drops and
sucking it up in skinnies.
When he arrived he was
holding a rose. All I could think was "please don't be nice to me. I'm not
a nice person." Also, I don't know what my problem is, but I hate getting
anything from guys. I hate it. It makes me feel indebted and
dependent. But rest assured ladies, I will gladly receive a diamond. So I took
that flower and awkwardly leaned back into my apartment and set it on my couch
and then we were off.
We
drove thirty minutes out of Provo. Climbed a small mountain. And were
there in time to watch the sun set as we explored a graveyard. Yup, a graveyard. Nothing more
romantic then dead people and the promise of a setting sun which reminds us how
we are all suns just waiting to set...
And on that mountain in
our death themed date we stood and talked awkwardly around silent patches that
lasted well past the normal time. Honestly, the worst part was I never once
heard my voice breach the monotone sounds coming out of my mouth. Together
we were boring. Towards the end he kept hinting at sitting down, but
sitting was for people who were planning on staying.
When we got back to the
car we talked music. Oh sweet music. I rejoiced. This topic would revive
the date. I listed off bands, and artists, and songs, proudly proclaiming my
obsession. I then turned it over to him. His reply still chills me to the bone.
"My favorite music
is you know rock/screamo Christian music."
I should have responded
as my friend later advised and just opened the car door and spy dived
out of there. Instead I hit The Wall. What is The Wall you ask? Well runners
always talk about hitting a psychological wall while they are on a run and once
they do they just can't seem to muster the strength to continue on. Well I had
been going at a steady rate like a trouper, but in that moment I slammed head
first into my wall. I was done and he was done. We drove on in almost silence
and I was back on my door step an hour and a half later. I dodged the hug and
slipped into my apartment. He called me an hour later for a Saturday date. I
kindly declined.
Which brings me to
today. I realized that The Ditcher's persistent nature might rear it's head
this Sunday so I was going to try and lay low. My plan failed. After Sacrament
I wanted to go talk to the speaker because he did a great job...and he was
cute. But my path to the podium was obstructed by big D. In response to this
road block, I subtly rerouted taking a much longer path around the
building, but no sooner did I exit the room then he was waiting for me outside
the door.
Seriously?!
I'm still confused on
how he got there so fast. And what's even more
confusing is how he could have been on the same date as me and somehow feel it
went well. Or well enough to repeat. Anyways, he lead with his well used line
of "Are you ditching again," to which I mumbled something in
reply and got out of there.
I heard there is a
really great ward that meets in the JSB....
-The Bluestocking
P.S. Posts like these make me feel I need to write an disclosure statement. So here is goes: The Ditcher is a nice guy. His only fault is trying to get me on a date by using such forward tactics...and liking screamo music.
4 comments:
ha ha How do you find these people. No, really. How do you find them?
Bluestocking, you are my favorite.
I don't know how I stumbled across this blog, but this entry is too funny. My only thought is that he heard how persistence pays off (I've known a few sisters in the ward that said they initially didn't want anything to do with their husbands, but "he pursued me in college and I finally fell in love." Good luck!
Screamo Christian music! I died!
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