"His being illiterate and coarse need not disturb us"

7/16/2013 The Blue Stocking 7 Comments

Like the Lady I have set up shop in a new town with a new scene. Unlike the Lady I was not in Europe so my lack of posting can’t be contributed to world travel. Still I cite extreme busyness as the culprit to my dry spell both in writing and love.

I am currently a college graduate and as such, very confused. I have moved and gotten a grown up job and now I hardly know what to do with myself. For the past two months I have been going to a singles ward whose male body has yet to register my existence and that does not sit well with me.

The only real conversation (real meaning it lasted more than 5 minutes) I’ve had with a guy turned out to be the most insulting interaction I’ve ever been a part of.

I was at a going away party for a friend, when a rather popular guy from my ward began to follow me about striking up random conversations. I went to the cookies, he went to the cookies. I got a chip he was next to the dip. I was of course flattered, but that did not last long.

He soon followed me into the living room, introduced himself, and asked if I was in the ward. I told him I was and that began a 10 minute debate on the impossible fact that I had ever attended his ward. He called in random strangers quizzing them on my existence. I chalked this dalliance up to his simple attempts to talk to a girl. At least I was being flirted with right?

Then he attacked my very soul. (you get that I’m overly dramatic right?). Let me explain, I am first and foremost a reader. It’s what I do, it’s who I am. As such, I am also a writer. You need to understand these facts in order to get why I was so upset.

Now onto the part where said boy befuddles me:

He asked me if I liked to read. I of course gushed about my love of literature. His response was to throw his voice up three octaves into valley girl range and exclaim “you look like the type of girl who only reads books like The Hunger Games and Twilight.”

I was shocked. Shocked! I was an English major. I had spent 4 years of my life devoted to literature and he tried to sum me up with teen lit. FINE, I admit I read teen lit BUT I've spent far too many years living between pages of some of the worlds greatest novels to be summed up by silly reads, so have a little respect sir. 

I assured him that I had read more than The Hunger Games and went on to name my favorite authors. He asked if I liked to write. I said yes and mentioned that I blogged. He responded with “Ha ha ha does anyone even read your blog!?”

I couldn’t speak. My hate was palpable. 

He continued on laughing and asking if I had any readership at all. I said I did and he demanded numbers, shocked at the idea anyone would read about my life. He was almost in a giggling fit when he once again began pulling people from around the room into our conversation asking them if they had heard about my blog. He didn’t catch on that this did not sit well with me. He asked for my blog address so he could review it for himself. I wait with baited breath for his feedback...

I could go on with our conversation, but for 30 minutes it followed this basic format:

  1. He asks me a question
  2. I answer
  3. He makes fun of me
  4. I respond with shocked sarcasm thinly veiled with laughter.

At one point my friend walk by and told him he was doing a terrible job at flirting. That cheered me up significantly and he seemed to think it was funny as well. 

I think the saddest thing about the night was not the fact he made me out to be an illiterate fool, but that I was shocked to partake in a conversation that was based on my life. For the most part, talking to guys can become a 65/35 situation. Meaning they talk about themselves 65% of the time and you get roughly 35%. These stats don’t relate to most guys, but they can be sadly accurate. So yeah, it was nice to be the focus of a conversation even as ill conceived as it was. 

In the days that have followed that conversation, I've tried to imagine the possible good outcomes that could come from my uncomfortable night. After all wasn't Elizabeth slighted by the very man who swept her off her feet just months later!? So he could rightly be my Mr. Darcy, though I don't see a strong possibility of him winning back my favor by saving my younger sister from certain ruin by marrying her off to my ex-boyfriend, but I have been proven wrong in the past. 

I'll keep you updated.

In attempt to end this post on a positive note, I will mention another fellow who has become the object of my creeper lovin. He's 6'2, wears fitted grey suits, and is pre-law. Heaven help me.

-The Bluestocking

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Anonymous said...

First I hope everyone who reads this blog will make a comment so that when he reads it he will realize how presumptuous he was and what a poor gentleman he was. Did he actually say he was pre-law? Now there is a chosen profession with all kinds of sarcasm written all over it. I bet he has only watched Matlock and Perry Mason on TV Land and walks around in his pre-school graduation robes saying, "Members of the jury" all day. At this point I think I could carve a better man out of a banana and if he ever presented a case in this manner before a jury he would be better suited as a grocer.

Don't mess with the daughters of Zion.

Mr. Bennett

Alexandra said...

The guy sounds like a pretentious d-bag who has never had his ego challenged in his life and therefore feels like it's acceptable to talk to women in this way. Don't worry...men get better when you leave BYU.

Anonymous said...

Oh but he's 6'2" and probably some "cute white guy". Of course you'll say "heaven help me" hoping the jerk straightens up while other not-so-attractive guys get friendzoned...

Anonymous said...

Well, you seem to have acted like a lady and I applaud you. I would have punched him in the face! I can't believe he talked down to you like that and found himself hilarious. Moron. Hope these post BYU men get better for you, and next time kick him and run away.

Shelby said...

Bluestocking, you are my favorite of the Anti-Austen writers. You are, for lack of a more eloquent term, flippin hilarious. I shall never forget when you were reading "Jane Eyre" and instinctively grabbed the arm of the man sitting next to you, and then proceeded to read him Rochester's declaration of love. Somewhat funny/awkward situation, yes. But your telling of it had me laughing out loud for a good ten minutes.

So, Mister Ward Guy. The Bluestocking is a gem and I hope you come to realize that quickly. And when you do, please keep in mind that women like flowers and Charlotte Bronte novels, not insults.

Anonymous said...

I think you may have all misinterpreted what Bluestocking meant. Sounds to me like she was referencing two separate boys. You have the jerk, who is the subject of the majority of the post, and then her creeper lovin described in the last paragraph. That creeper lovin sounds like the boy she's currently crushing on and in no way is related to the jerk. Just my thoughts.

Sorry for the confusion, but yes I was talking about two different guys. Oddly enough they are both pre-law. The last one has yet to be approached so let's hope he's significantly different than the first. Also, you guys are really wonderful. That's all :)